


Monomania

by bludaze



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Angst, Dark, F/M, Mystery, Romance, Sequel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:47:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 22
Words: 69,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25389286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bludaze/pseuds/bludaze
Summary: [Sequel to Paranoia]Jasper Whitlock has always fought for himself. He fails to take blame for any mistakes, and he consistently sees the world through a glass half-empty. His fundamental aversion to companionship has always been due to its risk of liability. But amid a brewing war, he turns the creature who would one day force him to question his own lessons. [Jasper/OC]
Relationships: Jasper Hale/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 95
Kudos: 175





	1. Drastic Changes

**A/N: If you have not read Paranoia, this chapter contains spoilers.**

* * *

**The Change**

* * *

**Jasper**

The clouds parted and let down glorious sunlight, letting me catch a glimpse of the improbable heavens. The warmth cascaded down in waves, stealing attention and demanding respect. The intensity forced you to your knees, and dared you to practice its deadly sermon. It made you plead to a faith you never knew existed.

That was what she tasted like.

My fingers kept grabbing, bruising. Her skin tore and bled, my rough hands opening up the reddened, angry flesh irritated by the tree branches that tried to subdue her. Her blood was on my tongue, and I couldn't have enough. She wasn't a Bella, a Katie, a Jennifer. They would run out of their value in minutes, drained out of existence. But she would survive.

She was pressed so close to me, never to leave. I told myself I would stay here forever.

But it changed. Her blood turned bitter. Her shoulder gave in. Her tears stopped. The exchange between us was unbalanced. I took, and took, and took. She had no choice but to give.

And in the next moment, my teeth were free.

"Whitlock," a voice told me. "Get a grip."

She was pulled from me and my instincts told me to lash out and grab her back. Protect her.

But the man in front of me was doing just that. All I could see was the pale body in his arms.

Weak, unconscious. Dangerously peaceful.

He watched me cautiously. "I'm going to put her down now. You need to put more venom into her."

My eyes fixed on her closed eyelids.

"You've taken out more than you've given," he said.

He was right. I nodded hungrily, but not for the blood. The desire to take was replaced by the need to let live.

Gently, he put her down onto the ground. Dirt.

I scowled.

"Move," I ordered as I took her back into my arms, careful to support her neck. The gash on her shoulder where my teeth had been bled out onto my shirt.

I bolted to the cabin.

The door crashed down, unhinged. Never fixed since the day I tore it from its place.

I placed her on a bare mattress, frowning at the tears and stains. Her wrists were in my hands and I focused not on the dreary bedroom, but on the task at hand.

Procedurally, this had to be done right. The precision of changing a human when they had already lost blood was important. My pass rate was already suffering, but instinctively, this felt like the easiest, most natural thing I could do. It was something I needed to do. My venom demanded it.

I bit both of her wrists, careful not to draw any more blood than necessary. I pushed venom at a steady rate. I had taken her life, and I had to replace it with mine. I ripped the cloth from the curtains and taped her wrists and shoulder. Standing back, I scrutinized my haphazard work. This was far from a Cullen experience.

"And now we wait," the voice behind me said.

I looked back at him. Peter.

"This was part of your plan?" He asked me.

I focused back on her growingly pale complexion and yearned to savor her last moments of humanity.

"Sure it was," I grumbled lowly.

My friend stood by me, watching our soon-to-be newborn. "She's going to hate you."

She wouldn't. "Let her."

"The bond doesn't work that way," he told me. "It ain't pixies and unicorns."

"Nothing is."

He shook his head with a damned smile. "I don't know why I bother. I'm just glad I made it here in time to stop you from doing something you'd regret."

I wouldn't have killed her. "I appreciate it."

"What's your plan, then?"

I drew my hand against my mouth, wiping off blood. "Three days and we'll be running through the Redwood forest with the pixies and the unicorns. She'll hate me more than ever."

"That's the spirit. And Maria?"

"My word is my word."

"And if Elise can't expand her shield?"

Then she might survive. "Let's hope she can't."

"You should always wish the best for your mate."

I pinned him with a stare. "The less powerful she is, the less she'll be used. If I can draw Maria's attention away from her, that'll be the best thing I can do for her."

"I would worry about her waking up first."

I nodded. "I'll stay with her today. I need to attend a meeting tomorrow, but I'll be back before she wakes. You'll stay with her when I'm gone?"

"I could call Char."

No. Anyone who didn't need to be with her should stay away. "Just you."

And somehow, he understood.

* * *

By now, the Cullens would be briefed with everything inside Alice's brain. And unless they were to have a sudden change of heart regarding the information, contacting them was not an option.

I sat in the creaky wooden chair beside the mattress. A guard for the dying.

My eyes slid over to the small backpack that leaned against the wall, the corner of a journal peeping out of the side.

Had she written about Damon? Had she mentioned the details that would have undeniably incriminated her?

Rage washed over me at the thought of the last few months, but the fire burned out when I rested my gaze on her body.

The pain of her betrayal stung, and I hated how it was all excused by her dying form. She had to feel the repercussions of her mistakes, but I couldn't bare to see her in more pain. I wanted to teach her, show her how the path she took was wrong. I needed her to see how it all could have been avoided. She needed to feel the misery to learn.

That was how it worked.

My phone buzzed lightly. A text.

_I can't believe you killed her._

Alice. To say I wasn't surprised would be a lie. She had no reason to talk to me now that she probably let out the secrets she knew to the people she would inevitably pick over me.

I responded. _I saved her from her human misery._

I got a retort. _And now, she'll be miserable for eternity with you. The Cullens know everything._

I secured the phone back into my pocket. Now, I definitely had no reason to talk to her.

I wanted to get up and tear through the journal and look for the evidence that made Elise just as guilty as me. I was a killer, but so was she. While I tore apart humans, she tore apart an entire coven of immortals. We both betrayed the Cullens and we were both liars. And we did it for one central, glorious purpose.

Survival.

The realization of how orderly our paths crossed was almost liberating. The anger in me that made the reckless decision of biting her was necessary. If she needed to pursue her main drive of sustainability, she needed to be dead. It was too easy to lose the game as a mortal.

And that was the justification that worked. It fit into the puzzle perfectly, and I felt momentary pride in her actions.

Because it was what I would have done.

I left the journal in its place. I didn't need proof that she was my equal. We were alike in the worst and best ways.

My hand reached out and felt the growing coldness of her skin, stroking down from her forehead to her cheek.

I sat patiently beside her, watching the subtleties of her complexion morph and thought about the possibilities of the future.

If trained well, she would prove to demonstrate her potential and thrive in the undead world beside me. But if not, I knew she undoubtedly had the power to destroy me.

And I couldn't have that.

* * *

Peter returned in a timely manner to take over the watch duty, but I wasn't prepared to leave her.

"Don't worry. I'm here," he reassured me, taking my place in the chair.

I hesitated, and I didn't like it. "Text me. No calls."

"I know."

I lingered, the vulnerability setting in, painting a scowl on my face.

"Go. Update the alliance. Placate Maria," Peter insisted. "It'll be fine."

As I made my way out, I paused by the front door that rested on the ground. Grabbing the slab of wood, I pressed it against what was supposed to be the front doorway.

The alliance convened in a secluded, abandoned warehouse in Eastern Utah. I was one of the last attendees to arrive, and I quietly took my place in a chair amongst the top members.

Once all of the chairs were filled with the delegates, the discussion began on the proceedings of the cause.

"We have two ears inside Volterra, unaffiliated with the alliance," a member spoke. "The Volturi have suspicion of unrest in the South, but they're attributing it to the unfinished vengeance of some territories left over from the Southern Wars."

"Good," Maria acknowledged, tapping her fingernails against the wooden table. "The look of unrest is unavoidable. The various training camps have disguises under the various territories. While they look like they're preparing for battle against each other, they're actually under one unified cause. It's brilliant."

Murmurs of pleased members filled the air.

Once they were passed the updates, the planning ensued. Naturally, the attention was on me.

"Mr. Whitlock. Has the girl been changed?" A female delegate asked. Maria had sent an update of the potential shield to the members prior to the meeting.

"In the process."

"Time of arrival?"

"A week."

Another member spoke up. "And where is your second-in-command today, Mr. Whitlock?"

"Facilitating the change."

Notes were taken, looks were exchanged.

And while my part of the meeting lasted mere seconds, formalities required for me to stay for the entire duration. I wanted nothing more than to be back in Nevada.

When the meeting ended, I prepared for the run back to Elise, but Maria loved her small talk.

"I'm incredibly proud of your findings. We can't act without disarming Demetri, so we're forced to be in hiding. You know how much I hate inaction."

"It's the natural course of battle," I told her. "We don't attack until it's the right time."

"Yes," she agreed. "But I don't want another Rebecca."

Rebecca was a recent recruit with a shield that encompassed others only through touch. Without physical proximity, it was useless.

"She is not another Rebecca," I assured her, though every fiber of my being wanted her to be.

"Your word is your word," she reminded me lowly. "A week."

And she let me go.

Halfway through my journey back to Nevada, I got the text that riddled me with anxiety.

_You need to come back. Now._

I knew I shouldn't have left from the moment I crossed the border into Utah, but I willed my mind to stop assuming the worst and pushed forward.

When I was a mile out from the cabin, I smelled the trouble. Their scents were everywhere and I wanted to tear them apart.

But the scent that was once prominent was fading with theirs with each passing moment.

The world turned dark at the realization.

My feet hit the ground faster. When I saw the cabin, the door was once again on the ground.

Peter stood outside with the look of fear, uncertainty, and sorrow.

"Where is she?" I demanded, but I knew the answer. I just couldn't accept it.

Peter remained mute, and I pushed inside of the cabin. I needed to see for myself. The mattress she once laid on was empty. Her dried blood on the surface was the only thing left of her.

Their scents were everywhere. I could see the chair smashed into pieces by the bed, the dents in the walls, and the broken drawers of the old dresser. I walked back out into the living room and noted that the kitchen table was smashed.

Peter hadn't given up without a fight. And they had left him in one piece.

The Cullens were always too kind for realistic battle. I would've torn Carlisle's limbs if I had been here, and I hoped Peter came close to doing so.

I stepped over the broken door and joined my buddy outside.

When neither of us spoke, I drowned in the reality of the situation.

"Fuck," I whispered, kicking the door with too much force.

"There were too many of them," Peter said, his hands clasped behind his back, his head low.

"Fuck," I repeated, not knowing of a more correct response.

"They took her."

And I should've anticipated it. If Elise could expand her shield, she would be the most valuable tool in their arsenal. With her, they could lay low and evade the Volturi. They could evade anyone. Including me.

I crouched low over the door, my fingers picking at the splintered wood. Peter's presence closed in as he crouched next to me. "We'll get her back."

But at what cost? Unless we intercepted them before Elise woke up, her entire training schedule would be altered. The Cullens would feed her the lies they needed her to believe to keep her on their side. Any plans for the future were now garbage. I didn't even want to think about the repercussions coming from the alliance. From Maria.

"Jasper?"

I knew the cards that the Cullens would play. My role in Elise's life would not be that of a mate or a protector. I wouldn't be a friend, let alone an acquaintance.

I would be her murderer.

The person who took the life she had been fighting so long to keep.

I looked at my friend with a bitter smile. "She's going to kill me, Peter."

* * *

**A/N: We're back. I'd love to hear your thoughts on your expectations for the sequel.**


	2. Triggers and Gunpowder

**Present — Montana**

* * *

**Jasper**

The clouds parted, but the sun was gone. It had burned out long ago, leaving nothing but frigid arctic air. There was nothing heavenly about the sight in front of me, though I wanted to touch it just to prove to myself that it was once real.

The heartbeat that once was evidence of the life that gushed through her was silent. The brown eyes that foolishly and continuously trusted me would forever remain unnatural—dashing, red, and darkened with unspoken emotion.

She sat with great poise amidst her restraints, as if I was the one in shackles. The intensity of her stare was enough to stagger me, and the power she held demanded worship. Attention. Respect. She was the faith I didn't know I had lost. But now that I had her back, I didn't know what to believe. How could you have faith in the dead?

"Elijah and Liam," I gestured to the two behind her. "Your prison bars."

"I'm flattered that I need to be contained."

I spoke to the gentlemen. "Keep close. You may leave."

Her eyebrows rose when she felt the weight of their heavy hands lift from her shoulders. She watched with great scrutiny as the two vampires left the cabin. "That's a pretty naive move."

"You don't get to tell me about naivety." I pulled a chair forward and took a seat in front of her. And before she could latch onto her hopes of escape, I had to crush them. "They're circling the border of the cabin, and Liam's one of our best trackers. You'd be caught before you made it to the lake."

She rolled her shoulders, then crossed her arms. There wasn't any hint of disappointment. "What am I charged with, prosecutor? Stupidity? Naivety? My inexperience with master manipulators?"

"Your arrest has deeper meaning. Don't think so simply."

"God, I hate you," she murmured.

The pang in my chest assured me that her feelings were true. "I know."

"How do you have the power or authority to arrest me? We're vampires. Any law you abide to must be bullshit. And just to keep me here? Why? I won't fight for you. I won't fight for anyone."

"But you will fight for yourself."

Her answer came without hesitation. "Yes."

"Alright. Fight for yourself by fighting for me. Earn your freedom."

"You have the guts to offer me that? Go to hell."

She was unreasonable, and we were getting nowhere. "Let me make this easier for you."

I stood up only to crouch down in front of her. My hand found her knee. "You will serve the alliance for six months. Train, learn, fight. Do those things while maintaining good terms with the delegates, and you will be let go. Do I make myself clear?"

She bounced her knee to reject my hand. "You already took my human life. You want six months of my dead one?"

I wanted all of it. "Six months is nothing compared to eternity."

"Again, Mr. Whitlock. Go to hell."

Her lack of sincerity earned the same in return. "You're staying with me for a few days. I'm going to begin your initial training before you're transferred to Texas. No exceptions."

She laughed a bitter tone. "You're insane. I don't even know why you would want this, because I am never going to meet your expectations. I don't have to please anyone."

Her words might have been daggers, but those daggers were essential to her longevity. "Good. That's the attitude that will keep you alive. Now, I hope you realize how gifted you are."

"You want me for my shield."

"A lot of people do."

She had fire in her crimson eyes, but most of it was on her tongue. "Why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"You never answer my questions."

I shrugged. "I answer them. If they don't satisfy you, maybe you should change your perspective. Or do something about your dissatisfaction."

And she did. She was on her feet, pushing me back further into the kitchen area. "I know nothing. I died. I lost a part of me that you probably know better than I do. That's ridiculous, isn't it? And you kept taunting me that you would give me answers if I came to you. Well here I am, and you're still not talking."

She walked me into a counter, and the roles were reversed. "You didn't come to me, sweet Elise. I took you. And it required quite a bit of effort. So any payment you demand for delivering yourself would be a scam."

"You're such a liar."

"I have been nothing but honest with you."

"Stop it," she sneered, poking a finger onto my chest. "You've hunted me across the United States. You've lured me here through nothing but a sad, pathetic game. You want to train me and throw me into war. Looks like you're getting everything that you've wanted. So, I think I'm at least owed some insight into the human that you claim you know so well."

Her humanity, I knew. And I wanted to claim that I understood her as she was today, but there was no denying that the part of her that I needed here was gone, replaced by the vengeful immortal in front of me. The thoughts that kept me pacified since her absence all centered around the woman that I had killed. The woman before. The one that didn't exist anymore.

And had she once looked at me with the same disdain before? Of course. Everyone had an adjustment period, but she learned. She grew. She compromised. Accepted. And in that acceptance, I had found the slivers of peace that I never knew I could posses.

But the fact was, she wanted to know her humanity. And I knew that her demands to understand the details, events, and turning points that drove her to her actions were key to her remembrance. And I most certainly could do details.

"Do you remember this cabin?"

She paused for a moment, reeling in her anger. Her eyes diverted from mine and bounced around the kitchen.

I couldn't help the hesitation as I watched her try to search for any triggers in her memory. The Montana cabin didn't have the best memories, but it was a step. When her gaze rested on the kitchen table, I watched her expression for any hints of recognition. She had eaten part of a meal on that table, and I had almost bruised her shoulder.

With a frown, she shifted towards the two bedroom doors. I examined her, waiting for the anger to erupt if she remembered slamming one of the doors in my face.

But her body was still. Dead. Cold. Her facial muscles had always given me an in on her inner thoughts and feelings. But with the blood gone from her cheeks, there was no way of knowing what she was feeling.

As she continued to take in her surroundings, I noted her stature. She had loosened up too quickly by my verbal trigger to a possible memory. Her back was to me, and that was a mistake.

I slowly stepped forward and put my hands on her upper arms, drawing her closer to my chest. "The question wasn't meant to distract you, but your attention span just killed you."

"Killed me?"

"You turn your back to me and you give me all that I need to decapitate you." She didn't move an inch as my hands buzzed on her skin. "This is why I can't send you to Texas. Not yet."

She turned her head to look up to me. "Because I'd be slaughtered."

"You'd definitely lose a few limbs. Also most likely your head."

When she didn't respond, I saw her focus in on the bedroom door. Her bedroom door.

My feet kicked in and I pulled her with me with a melancholy sense of hope. Pushing the door open, I looked back at her crimson eyes. "You stayed the night in this room."

She stepped in slowly, running her fingers against the wall. Even as she interacted with her environment, I could tell that it was hard for her to gauge her strength. Her hesitation in touching anything solid was due to her lack of training. And I should have prepared for any loss of control, but her memories were more important at that moment.

In the blink of an eye, the door slammed shut in front of me with exponentially more force than before. I winced as I noticed the wood splitting, but if reliving the actions sparked anything in her, I was prepared to sacrifice more doors.

I heard the floor creak beneath her as she moved around the room. The mattress sighed when she depressed it with her weight. The drawers of the dresser rolled open. Finally, when she was done, the door creaked open. Her gaze in distant concentration, she spoke softly. "You wouldn't eat me."

I cocked an eyebrow, and she continued. "You said you wouldn't eat me. Is that right?"

I had said that. "Correct."

She moved passed me into the living area and looked over the bookshelves. After examining them, she took a seat at the kitchen table.

"Will you sit? You're freaking me out with the way you're looking at me."

She was probably right. I felt absolutely entranced as I watched her attempt to recognize her surroundings. Every little detail mattered, because anything could easily revive a dead memory. And my expectations were too high. I didn't want her to remember—I needed her to.

I lowered myself to the chair in front of her; a familiar picture from our getaway to Montana a few months ago.

"You said I was valuable."

The fact that she remembered bits of conversation was incredible. "I did. And you are."

My hint at a compliment did nothing for her. "We sat here. What did we talk about?"

"You told me about the Jovu. The feedings. The care rituals."

"Did we talk about Damon?"

I let her see my distaste. "Not to the extent that we should have."

She could read what I was alluding to and came to her own conclusion. "I wasn't honest with you."

"That's the thing, Ms. Adams. Honesty is not something you should expect out of anyone. My mistake was making an exception with you."

"You trusted me?"

"It didn't matter if I did. You were human, and I underestimated you because of that."

Now that was a compliment that fed through her barriers and reflected through her eyes. Her demeanor shifted as she took in my words.

"How do I know that you're telling the truth?"

"You don't." The chair scraped as I pushed out of it to retrieve her journal from the couch. "But I think you can rely on your own words."

She watched my hands as they delicately pushed the book towards her on the table. There wasn't any hint of acceptance at my words. She simply stared at the leather cover.

"I didn't tamper with your writing if that's what you're concerned about."

Her uneasiness returned. "You want me to find my memories. You want me to fight for you. What am I missing?"

"Nothing."

"What aren't you telling me?"

I wasn't following the mystery detail she thought she needed, and my silence irritated her.

"I've pieced together the details I've gathered about you from the people who have known you. Most don't have great things to say."

Unbothered, I nodded. "I'm aware."

"But before this, I knew of this nameless man just for a day. And I felt like I knew him for ages. I wanted to explore every inch of this world with him, and I barely knew him. I could swim across the Pacific and run through the jungles in East Asia with him by my side and not give a damn about what state the world was in." She looked at me sharply. "That man was you. And you told me to fight it. This morning at the lake, you told me to fight that feeling. And I didn't even need to tell you what it was because you also felt it. But why would you ever want to let go of something that beautiful?"

With every word she uttered, I could feel my expression dip into the grave. Our time at the lake was a momentary pause to reality, and that was it. Low and monotone, she got my answer. "Besides all that is natural in this world, beauty is a disguise. Your self preservation directly equates to your self control. With us, a lot of things could have gone differently at that lake. And every decision you make will flutter through time and cause ripples on the following events. Ever heard of the butterfly effect?"

She shook her head with disbelief. "How does this relate at all to how I felt towards you?"

I stared at her, examining every inch of her face.

"You have always labeled me as this selfish, murderous, self-righteous monster. But no one can fit into directly defined labels. The same way you can't describe yourself as a strictly happy or an infinitely depressed individual—through a lifetime, you will have your highs and your lows. You can't ever just fit into a singular category. We are _not_ one dimensional beings, vampire or not. So yes, I am selfish. I want to seek out what benefits me and what keeps me alive, and that's usually at the expense of someone or something. Yes, I could have taken you from that lake and ran the other way. I knew exactly what you were feeling. I knew the undying devotion you held towards a man you knew nothing about. I knew I could have used that and started all over. No more of the Jasper that you've labeled as a psychopath. No more phone calls with your killer. No more fear of the battles you think he would throw you in. No more worries about the truth people give you about the past. Just you and me, and 200 million square miles of this planet to explore."

I stood abruptly, fixated on her parted lips. "But that would be thoroughly selfish, and I have responsibilities."

The table cracked, and I realized she had pushed it to the side to stand before me. Her breath fanned my neck, and I was wrapped gently in her scent.

"We _were_ romantically involved," she whispered.

"You didn't hear a thing that I just said, did you?"

"You're an empath," she insisted softly. "Feelings are your thing. But this—this is more than just a feeling."

She was going to drown, and she was going to pull me down with her. My hand hovered over her cheek, not knowing whether to grab her face to shake her out of it, or pull her deeper into the abyss.

"Let me remind you that I have just sentenced you to six months of servitude. Your behavior towards me needs to reflect that. If anyone suspects anything otherwise, that is it. Game over."

She drew closer, closer, and closer. With hooded eyes, she painted a haunted smile on her lips.

"Game over?" She chuckled lightly. "I knew this was a game."

* * *

**A/N: Since we're effectively back into Jasper's perspective, I do want to remind readers that he is quite the unreliable narrator.**

**What do you think of their relationship now that their power dynamic is leveled? What are your** **expectations? And what was Jasper up to during Elise's absence?**


	3. Curses

_Previously:_

_"Let me remind you that I have just sentenced you to six months of servitude. Your behavior towards me needs to reflect that. If anyone suspects anything otherwise, that is it. Game over."_

_She drew closer, closer, and closer. With hooded eyes, she painted a haunted smile on her lips._

_"Game over?" She chuckled lightly. "I knew this was a game."_

* * *

**Jasper**

The curse of the bond between us worsened—as it always did—when we were together.

When Elise had been human, it was strictly one-sided. She didn't have the substantial amount of venom to motivate her, so her awareness of it had been minimal. But now that she had my venom coursing through her body, I knew that it would ruin her.

Her decisions were at risk of being influenced by something supernatural, illogical, and unnecessary. The best thing she could do was try to contain it, and I needed her desperately to find that power.

My desires with this woman were entirely contradictory.

I wanted her to remember me. I wanted her to remember both the good, and the bad. I wanted her to know the person who she let take her through the blood stains, throat wrenching screams, and the bizarre reality of immortal life. She had followed me—testing the waters, waiting for the horror to scare her away.

But it never did.

On the other hand, I was thankful for the amnesia. The more she remembered, the more the bond would solidify. The more it would be real. Uncontrollable. Risky.

"This is no game," I stated, standing firmly in front of her. "You are not, and never have been, a child. If you die, you do not get to start over."

"You wouldn't let me die," she challenged. "You care too much."

This was all wrong. I had gotten her back for less than an hour and it was all already falling apart. She was too smart. She could sense it.

"You don't know me enough to make predictions of what I will or won't do." I swept passed her and gestured to the journal on the table. "You can read your own words and find out. But you can do that later. The sooner we start your training, the sooner you can join the others."

My hand rested on the book filled to the brim with her human memories. And a second later, her hand was right next to mine.

"You know I'll run."

A jolt of panic raced through me as I looked down at her fingers. "You won't."

"Train me, use me, throw me around like a pawn. But the moment you stop watching, I am gone. Let me remind you that I don't know you. Nothing you've done for me in the past holds any merit."

If she ran, I would find her. But she already knew that. Her threats were seemingly empty, but they still caused a flicker of unrest. The energy around her crackled and dared to ignite. She held raw, unhinged power, and I hadn't felt this out of place in ages.

"You can expand your shield. Radius?"

Her eyes didn't leave mine. "Not great."

"Have you practiced expansion?"

"Yes. And succeeded. I need to work on it more. Carlisle—" She paused suddenly. "The Cullens. Where are they?"

"You know that answer."

"Still in Texas. I'll get to see them soon?"

I frowned. "Excited to see the family that you left behind?"

"They were trying to lead me to you."

I saw the gentle dip in her eyebrows. Emotion.

"They picked their survival over you," I tested. "And you picked your survival over them."

I caught the pause in her conversational flow along with the downward twitch of her lips. "I didn't know them. I _don't_ know them."

"They know you. But not as well as I do."

Her eyes narrowed, a slight crease on her forehead. Her lips parted for words to escape but she swallowed them down.

"Anyway," I continued. "Your shield is your major selling point. It's always good to know what others will use to determine your worth."

A twitch of her brow. The objectification hit a nerve. "I know."

"And you will continue your shield's expansion, but it isn't something we need to focus on for your own protection."

"So what are we focusing on?"

I reached for the front door. "How much have the Cullens taught you regarding self-defense?"

When she didn't respond, I already knew the answer.

We walked outside to the gloom that was Montana weather. "The Cullens have always been physically non-confrontational."

"Carlisle definitely seemed like the more cautious, diplomatic type."

"Precisely why he came running to Texas. He wants the dirty work done for him while he sits on the sidelines."

She stood before me, her head angled up to watch my expression. "Am I supposed to fight you? Is this a pre-test?"

"Reflex, react," I said simply as my arm reached up for her head. I was glad to see her motor skills bring her into a crouch. With a leg, I swept underneath her and watched as she evaded the attack with a hop. I swung right, and she danced left. I moved left, and she twirled right.

While the whole interaction lasted mere seconds, she stood bewildered.

"Good. You're a vampire," I concluded.

"A good one, I hope."

"An average one. We are created as territorial defenders. Our reflexes are primed for that purpose."

"I have no territory."

"It doesn't have to be a physical piece of land," I explained. "But it can be."

"I am my own territory," she muttered. "Will you teach me how to decapitate a vampire now?"

I smirked. "So you can take my head off and run the other way?"

"Yes."

Her honesty was refreshing. "You wouldn't get very far."

"How long does it take to put a head back on?"

"The venom could take 10 to 20 hours to seal."

"I could get to the Pacific Ocean in less. Easy."

I threw another arm, which she ducked successfully. "Will you tell me why?"

I didn't expect to have to defend myself, but when she threw an arm out, I found myself closer to the ground. I knew somewhere inside of the layers of emotions that brewed within her, there was enough hurt and confusion for her to lash out. I expected it.

"Tell you what?" Her left arm came out, and I stepped away to clear it.

"Why you think running is the best option for you."

Her arm stopped mid-reach and fell by her side. I watched her closely with my guard still firmly up.

"Because I don't want to feel caged. Because what you're doing is unjust."

I could read the anger from the way she held herself, but I could also read her anxiety. Her obsession with breaking free was undoubtedly from her time with the Jovu. She would fight anything or anyone who would come close to replicating that feeling of submission. And rightfully so. As a vampire, her freedom equated to her survivability.

The more I began to catch emotional cues, the more comfortable I felt. Without her flushed skin or teary eyes, there were barely any hints to her emotional state. Combined with her shield, it drove me insane.

But her body language slowly gave her away, and I wanted more of it.

"Explain. Please," I moved around her.

"You'll mold me into something you need. You'll squeeze as much use out of me as you can. And the remaining pieces will be mine to salvage. I don't think I am the person you think I am, and you're insane if you think I'll live up to your expectations."

In other words, Damon had ignited her fire of survival, used that flame to entice her into the Cullens' infiltration, and then left her to her own defenses.

"What do you think I expect from you?" I questioned.

"Cooperation."

That was too vague. "With?"

"This… alliance. And my memories. You want me to remember us."

She mentioned the alliance—a clear, tangible organization. But us? That was an organization that barely had any foundation. "Do you think I want your love?"

The momentary hurt that flashed across her face was brilliant. Addicting. I couldn't feel her, but the more she cracked, the more she was an open book.

"My—"

"I don't. Our little arrangement was based on clean, crisp manipulation. Duck."

And she did. My arm flew over her head. When she came back up, I was met with a glare.

"How did I fall for it?"

This time, I crouched to avoid a slicing hand to my throat. "The same way I fell for yours. We got caught up in these feelings which made no sense."

She stopped. "There were feelings."

"Your point?"

"So, we got along somehow. Something drew us together."

"Bloodlust. Vampiric charm."

"Vampiric charm," she repeated disbelievingly. "I couldn't have been that stupid."

"What are you searching for in all of this? We were dysfunctional. You hated the way I saw the world, and I hated the way you fought me every step of the way. To you, I was insane. To me, you were inexperienced, and indescribably naive. You made yourself believe that I wasn't capable of the things that you deemed inexcusable, and yet acted completely disgusted when they became reality."

With her muscles tense, she watched me.

"So, stop digging. And fight me."

And we continued swinging.

* * *

After half a day of demonstrations, discussions, and explanations, we ended the session. I could tell that mentally, she grew more and more unfocused. As a newborn, your thoughts took a sharp turn towards hunger after just a few hours of your last meal.

After sending a quick text, I turned to her. "I hope you've been feeding everyday."

Her hand came up to her throat as she plopped down onto the grass. "It doesn't feel like I have a choice."

I lingered above her. "You will. Soon. You're stronger your first year, which requires consistent, daily feedings. Once you grow past that, the feeling will be easier to control."

"You speak like you know everything. Is that true?"

Was that a jab? "I'll give you information, and you can decide if you believe it or not."

"How credible are you in the vampire community?"

I chuckled. "You shouldn't ask your source if they are credible. Do your own research."

"Alright. The Cullens hated you."

"And now they love me. Feelings fade. Loyalty stands."

She narrowed her eyes. A skeptic. "Do feelings fade for vampires?"

"Depends."

I caught his scent before he appeared, and so did Elise. She stood, alarmed.

But the sweeter scent came a whiff later.

Blood.

Elijah arrived with a human man draped over his shoulder. His grip on his ankle had roughened the skin, and the man was shedding slow, steady droplets of nectar.

"Your meal," I announced as Elijah dropped the human in front of her. From my angle, I could see the bruise on his head. But Elise was the first to voice her feelings.

"You hit him?"

Elijah only shrugged. "Do you like them still conscious?"

She turned to me with subdued retaliation. "I hunt for myself. I don't need your offering."

It wasn't that she didn't need my offering. She refused it because of her moral code.

"Thank you, Elijah," I said, and waited for him to leave before moving over to the inanimate man.

I put my hand on his head, over the darkening bruise. "I disagree with their methods."

"That's surprising."

"I can put them to sleep without laying a hand on them." The skin beneath my hand was warm, thumping lightly. "You need to eat."

"I hunt for myself."

I got up and stood before her. "I may not agree with your criteria for food selection, but I can respect it. This man has killed three children this year, and is wanted across four states."

I could tell that she didn't expect the gesture, but she remained disagreeable. Perhaps it was the hunger. "You could be lying."

Sighing, I went back to the man and dug through his pockets. Finding his wallet, I handed his identification over along with the phone she had given me.

"He's wanted. Search him up."

And she did. Once she was satisfied, she handed back my additional offerings.

Without any expression of gratitude, she crouched low over the man and sunk her teeth into his neck.

And when she was done, I could barely see a wrinkle on her shirt—let alone any stains. The Cullens had taught her their hunting etiquette.

But she wasn't as thorough as they would've liked. When she turned her face to me, I could see a dribble of blood across her cheek, drying quickly.

Her eyes watched me, swirling with the new life force she drained. With a thumb, I wiped the stain from her cheek, then pressed my finger into the hem of her shirt.

"No one expects perfection from you."

She looked down at the bloody imprint, then at my hand. Her eyes widened, and she turned away. And I wanted to drown myself in the feelings she was suffocating in.

"The Cullens have a certain sense of poise. It's not who we are. It's not who they are either."

She didn't care about the Cullens at that moment. "Did we go to the Niagara Falls?"

Her question was enough for me to see how distracted she was. Her digging wasn't just towards me; she was trying to uncover the sheets in her own brain.

"No," I said. "We should work on your shield."

"Why do I associate the landmark with you?"

She wouldn't let it go. "You have made it clear that you will not believe a word I tell you. Read your journal if you want to probe your past. Now focus on your shield."

She sat on the grass in front of me and closed her eyes. She didn't speak until I joined her.

"You can tell me. I'll decide if I believe you."

I watched her face as she concentrated on her power. No matter how frustrating, her cautiousness should be rewarded.

"We never took the trip to the falls. But I wanted to take you. I thought you would have enjoyed it."

"You were very considerate, thinking about your human," she muttered, relaxing her eyelids. "I remember a waterfall. I remember you."

"I took you to one in Idaho. We had a good time."

"Did we?"

"Do you remember jumping off of it?"

Her eyes opened. "I jumped off of a waterfall? Doesn't sound like me."

I stared at her, lost in the deep, ravenous red of her eyes. "You knew I'd intervene if anything went wrong."

She broke that spell, shutting her lids over my point of fixation. With her meditative stance, she could have been asleep. Flawlessly in peace. I felt honored to be in the presence of the woman I once knew.

The quiet evening settled around us. I watched the backdrop morph into reds, oranges, and purples. Stars greeted us one by one.

"How long are you keeping me here for?"

Her sense of imprisonment was a shame. "As I said, a few days."

"What is Texas like?"

"Hot. Humid. Big."

"No," she pushed. "The camps."

"Vampires. Venom. Limbs."

"Delightful. Deaths?'

"Not unless you're in battle."

Her eyes opened wide, searching mine. "So why am I here and not there?"

"You won't be here long."

"Why not just start my training like the rest of them?"

She put herself apart from the others because she saw the special treatment.

I sighed. "You don't have any experience. And I don't want to see you torn apart the first day."

"That's how you learn though. Isn't it?"

"I'm not saying that you won't experience pain. You need to. But if you can keep your head on your shoulders—literally—then you can avoid being out of commission."

"Oh," she smiled mockingly. "You're afraid that your new toy will break and you won't get to play with her until she's fixed?"

"Will you take this seriously?"

"Yes," she held out her hand and placed it on mine. "Show me how reattachment works."

I stared at her hand. "You want me to tear your fingers? It will hurt."

Her expression was certain. "I need to know."

But her desire to learn was for an entire different purpose. She didn't care about reattachment, training, or becoming a well-rounded fighter. She cared about my capabilities and their limits.

I grabbed her hand, feeling the smooth, hardened skin that once vibrated with the hum of her heartbeat. It was cooler than before, but not by much. As a human, the minuscule amounts of venom in her body had severely altered her body temperature.

I imagined tearing off arms, legs, and heads. I had done it countless of times without a second thought. But this required immense amount of concentration, empathy, and precision.

Her venom would scream, but so would mine. The bond worked that way, and it was disastrous.

And I knew I had waited too long when I felt her hand leave mine.

"So maybe _you_ can take this seriously," she began. "And tell me what it is exactly that's going on between us."

Adoration, anxiety. Affection, affliction.

Care, distrust, hope, anger.

Confusion.

Was I bouncing my feelings off of her shield? Because they hit me harder the closer she came. The more questions she asked, the more I felt I couldn't hide.

And her suspicions were always valid.

Always.

It was one of the things I admired about her.

The absurdity of our arrangement rained down on me as I saw the dark blue sky extend beyond comprehension.

"Sweet Elise," I smiled at the heavens—bitter, cold, and distasteful. "What we have between us is an age old curse."

* * *

**A/N: There was a point previously where Jasper had accepted the mating bond. It was a hard process, but he had let (human) Elise in on the subject as well.**

**What happened between her change and now that's leaving him so bitter?**

**Also, I had a reviewer ask about Jasper's tracker, Liam, so I thought I would make this more clear.** **Generally, tracking is scent-based. Demetri's tracking ability is** **special where he focuses on the essence of the mind, hence why you would need a shield to get around it. Liam's tracking ability is based entirely on a scent, and so he would effectively be able to track Elise.**

**Stay safe. Be well.**


	4. Disarmed

Previously:

_The absurdity of our arrangement rained down on me as I saw the dark blue sky extend beyond comprehension._

_"Sweet Elise," I smiled at the heavens—bitter, cold, and distasteful. "What we have between us is an age old curse."_

* * *

**Jasper**

"We're cursed?" Elise looked at me with immeasurable scrutiny. "Please don't tell me we have to deal with the lions, witches, and the wardrobes. Vampires are enough."

I smiled at her reference. "None of those. Just an unfortunate circumstance."

"Our relationship is a curse. Is that right?"

A curse—you might be able to ward off. But this? "Something like that."

By the end of our first day, I could already feel the looming dread creep onto me. The mating bond was one thing, but Maria was an entirely different point of concern. Throwing Elise into Texas was something I knew I needed to do, and it would be hard. Elise needed to understand that anyone who could recognize the bond could use it against us.

But if she didn't know about it, it was easier. You couldn't lie about something you didn't know.

But the one thing I knew was that she wasn't stupid. I just didn't know how much longer it would take for her to put the pieces together. Did she even know what a mate was?

Her interests moved away from us momentarily.

"You couldn't feel me when I was human?"

I brought my attention back to her. "No."

"And you can't feel me now."

"On the contrary." I grabbed the same hand she had asked me to ruin. "I can feel you more now than before. I don't have to think about touching you or analyze the amount of pressure I put on your skin. It doesn't mean I don't miss feeling your heartbeat. But your feelings were always closed to me, and they still are."

"If I can expand my shield, can I also retract it?"

My head snapped up at the red alarm. "You should never do that."

She wasn't fazed by my concern. "But this special tracker needs to know me to track me, right?"

Her point was valid. Demetri couldn't track her whether or not she had a shield. He didn't know her. And the thought of her exposure to him angered me further, which agitated the conversation.

"Why would you ever lower your defenses?"

She tried to pull her hand back, but I held it firmly. "I wanted to see if I could test it. Maybe then your power would work on me."

It would. And some deep part of me jumped ecstatically at the mere thought of it. "I don't know enough about it to teach you how."

"I can try something." Her eyes closed for the merest of seconds before blinking wide open. "Wait. If I manage to turn it off, will he be able to track you?"

Smart girl. "Demetri hasn't met me."

Her eyes disappeared once more, and I began to realize how nervous I was getting. My grip tightened on her fingers until I felt her squeeze back. As she focused on her power, I focused on mine. If she succeeded in lowering her shield, I needed to make sure that I didn't project my feelings. She would drown.

This was a bad idea. I needed to bring her out of her trance. "You should focus on expansion. This is a waste of time."

Her hand flew out of mine. "I don't think it is."

I wasn't ready for it. I wasn't ready for any of this. "It is. If we're going to train your shield, focus on what we need it for."

There was an unconvinced look in her eye, and I felt exposed. Avoiding her piercing gaze helped, but not by much. So I did what I did best.

"Let's talk about Texas."

She didn't take her eyes off of me. "Okay."

"You'll come in as a recruit. Train with the rest. Heal with the rest. You'll have your own room, but know that it's temporary. Recruits can be transferred between camps."

"Will I be transferred?"

No. "You think you won't?"

Her expression hardened. "If it gets me away from you, I hope I will."

I most definitely did not expect that response. Her disobedience was unacceptable, but she caught my bluff. "Fine. You are not going anywhere. You are not leaving Texas unless it is with me. You will learn to fight, and you will work on your shield. If you take a step out of camp without accompaniment, you would be in violation of your sentence."

"And that means?"

"Extended servitude."

That snapped her mouth shut, but not for long. "Only if you catch me."

She wanted to run. I needed her to listen. If she could see through this haze, she had the chance to make the right moves and use this situation to her advantage.

I stood up. "You need to be trained. If nothing else, stay for that."

She followed suit. "Why else would I stay?"

She only came up to my chest, but her presence shook the ground beneath us. "Exactly. You have no other reason. Use the system as it will use you."

She hated my words. "Are you anything but this bureaucratic gray wall?"

And I hated her absent memories, but my smile reflected ease. "We have six beautiful months together. I'd take that time to tame your ignorance. Maybe get to know me. By the end, we might be able to tolerate each other."

* * *

Two days went by. We couldn't judge the progress of her shield, but her defense training was sluggish. Maybe it was my growing impatience and the pressure of our tight schedule, or perhaps she simply wasn't the battle-born fighter I wanted her to be. The third excuse? She probably just didn't care.

My fist landed straight into the dirt beside her face. She lay on the ground, slightly dazed from my intricate, complex maneuver.

"I tripped you. Are you even paying attention?"

She propped herself onto her elbows, and only then did I realize our proximity. "This is exhausting. You're too fast."

I shifted my weight and sat beside her. "And you're too strong. Just untrained."

"Why do I need to be trained anyway? You'll use my shield. I'm no use to you in battle."

I urged her to think about herself. "Our opponents will realize your power and will do everything they can to destroy you. You need to be able to keep yourself alive."

"If that's your concern, you should've kept me far away from you. But I can see that's hard for you."

She was tapping at the glass, trying to see inside. I closed the curtains. "Would you like Peter to train you instead?"

Her face lit up beautifully, and it pissed me off that it wasn't because of me. "Where is he?"

"Texas. With his wife."

"Charlotte," she acknowledged.

"Another good resource. Stick with her when you get down there."

"Not Peter?"

Hilarious, but no. "Besides occasionally running trainings, Peter isn't involved with the day-to-day operations. Neither am I. Charlotte has been recruited and ranks closer to you."

"There's a rank system?"

"Sure. The decision makers vs. the rest."

She scoffed. "So, you're overthrowing the current system and putting another in place just like it?"

Her statement was too broad and based on no factual foundation. "The Volturi are ancient. Most of their laws are nonsensical, and their rulings are based on the mental sanity of three very old vampires. Our system distributes the power amongst specific delegate positions that can be interchanged."

She cocked her head. "Monarchy to democracy."

"Let's see."

She turned to her side to face me. "It's an interesting thing you've got going here, but I'm still lost on one thing. Before all of this bullshit that you pulled, you asked me if I wanted to come with you to this cabin. As if I had a choice."

Yes. She had mindlessly followed a stranger for hours without any caution. "You had a choice. Do you think you made the right one?"

"It depends on what you think is right. Joining a fight and supporting a revolution? Or keeping yourself away from the risks of battle and death?"

That wasn't the choice she had to make. "You don't really have a decision to make there."

"Right. Servitude."

I sighed. "But you didn't have to follow me. I hope you learned something there."

She rolled her eyes. "Don't follow the candy-clad stranger into the van. Got it. But seriously—it seemed more like you wanted me to run away. That's the part I don't understand."

I wanted to keep her away from all of this. But I knew that she would be safer with me. "You had agreed to change, but the schedule was pulled back. You were supposed to come to Texas earlier based on a promise I had made. The Cullens took you and ran, but they came back with their tails between their legs—"

"You promised me to this organization? Did I agree?"

I pursed my lips. "I hadn't told you. Yet."

"And were you planning on telling me before or after you killed me?"

Her sharp, accusatory tone destroyed me, just like her death had.

"You said you wouldn't talk about this over the phone. Well, you have me in the cold, dead flesh. Talk."

She didn't even have the slightest idea of what I had gone through.

"No? Not enough? Did you enjoy draining the life out of me?"

Peter was right. She would hate me no matter what. "Yes. Is that what you want to hear? It was all I thought about since the moment I met you. Do you want to know how it happened? It was incredible. Your left shoulder crumbled first, and then your right hand. Your hair was a knotted mess of venom and blood. I lost your eyes about three seconds in. Your brain shut itself off in about ten."

She shifted away. "You're disgusting."

"I put you in the same bed where I twisted Melissa's neck. But hey, it's better than dirt."

"Sick."

If she wanted the truth, I would give her the truth. "Do you want to hear more? I have more."

The way she looked at me fueled my anger. Peter. That fucker was always right. "No. I don't."

"I didn't stay long enough for your bruises to highlight against your skin. But the Cullens were kind enough to document it for me."

"They—"

"Alice sent me countless of pictures of you bruised, purple and black. Broken limbs, ribs, spine. I usually have control of my strength, but you had once again stripped me of that honor."

Her expression told me that this was news to her, but she reasoned through it. "They wanted you to feel bad."

I stood up. "You had always defended them against me, and you still do. Get up."

She only got up enough to sit. "No. You need to keep talking."

"Get up. We're wasting time."

"You don't get to do this."

I grabbed her arm and forced her to her feet. "No, you don't get to look at me like that. It's been hell without you, and I just need you to fucking learn how to keep yourself alive so I don't have to think about your every goddamn move."

She stumbled on her feet. "Do you regret it?"

"Not a second."

"I do. I don't even know what exactly I regret, but I regret anything that happened between us."

I threw an arm and was glad that she dodged it. "Empty statements."

She threw an arm back. "True statements."

Her force grew. I didn't know what she was feeling, but it couldn't have been good. Her arms got faster, and she moved closer. She got in a few hits, which I was proud of. But she didn't stop. Her fists collided with my chest, my neck. There was no strategy here. She didn't want to win. She just wanted to hurt me.

And with everything that had happened, physical pain was nothing.

Finally, I caught her arms. "This isn't how you fight."

"It's how _I_ fight," she breathed, seething.

"You fight with your feelings. The worst kind. Your hits are stronger, but your tactics are shit."

She fought against my grip, and I released her. Her feet caught with the amount of force she released, and she fell to the ground. Her sneer was filled with dark sarcasm. "Am I not meeting your expectations?"

"Set your own expectations. I hope they're high."

"I want to be strong enough to kill you. Is that high enough?"

Ouch. "I said high, not impossible."

"Fucking asshole. Stop looking at me like my words hurt you."

I positioned myself in an open stance and held out my left arm. "You want to get stronger? This arm is yours if you can get it."

My challenge brightened the light in her eyes. She looked at me like I was food, and she hadn't eaten in days.

And finally, she charged.

* * *

I didn't know why I let her.

But I did.

By the sixth time she ran at me, I didn't move. I let her take me down. On the ground, she struggled on top of me, grasping firmly at my shoulders. Her hands ran roughly down my left arm. And at a moments notice, I felt the agony of skin ripping and the venom crying at the tear. It burned. Fuck, I had forgotten how bad it felt.

But the chaos ended quickly, and the world was suddenly still. I opened my eyes to the partly cloudy, blue sky. The danger subsided, and the pain became background noise.

When I sat up, I could see my arm in front of me, shaking. Elise held it firmly, but her whole body shook with the shock. She stared at the space where my arm should've been.

"Holy shit," she whispered. Her free hand hovered over me, unsure whether to touch me or keep away. She looked at my detached limb, then back at my shoulder which was missing its friend.

"What do I do?" She stammered. "How do I make it better?"

I held out my right hand and she cautiously gave me my arm back. Venom leaked from my left socket as I did my best to place the limb back into its place. The painful, tingling sensation increased as the venom did its best to bind the skin back together.

As I sat there, I examined her. "No one has done that since 1872."

She didn't take her eyes away from the injury. "I'm sorry."

I had to laugh at that. "You're sorry?"

Her expression turned cold momentarily, but the more she stared at what she had done, the more the regret was etched in her features.

I reassured her. "This is nothing. Don't worry about it."

"I wanted to hurt you."

I threw her a little smile. "Congratulations."

She glared at me. "I don't feel good about it."

"A gentle soul."

"Is that what it is?"

And once again, I felt exposed. She was searching, digging… finding.

"You've always had a kind heart. Though you weren't always as squeamish."

She didn't listen to my words. "It hurt me to do that. Why?"

"As I said—"

She shut me down quickly. "No. I want to kill you, do you understand? I want to light a bonfire in your honor. I bet it would be pretty."

I felt a twinge of pride at her words and strength.

"But this hurts me. What would killing you feel like?"

Like suicide. "This is the curse."

She scoffed. "Then break it."

"Try your best, sweetheart. Let me know if you succeed. I'll name a star after you."

She got up to pace. And I knew exactly what she was thinking. When her head snapped to me and she looked at me with wide, decided eyes, I knew exactly what she would do. And no, I wouldn't stop her.

"Try your best," I repeated. "Good luck."

I sat, nursing my arm to its place. And I watched her run the other way. Just like she should have a few days ago.

But this time, I knew she would be back. Willingly. Begrudgingly.

She couldn't outrun this.

I knew.

I had tried.

* * *

**A/N: We see them here interacting pretty freely. But in Texas, the camps are overloaded with other vampires and key players. How will their relationship stand the pressure put forth by the people around them?**

**Please drop a comment regarding Jasper's perspective. I'm curious to know if you enjoy his perspective vs. Elise's. It will certainly help me shape this story better.**

**Stay safe.**


	5. The Bird, the Lion, and the Cryptic

Previously:

_She couldn't outrun this._

_I knew._

_I had tried._

* * *

**Jasper**

By dawn, my arm was mostly in place. The venom was binding the fibers back together, and in a few hours, I expected to be fully healed.

As the first rays of light cascaded over the mountains, I caught the outline of a person on the horizon long before their scent hit me. Still holding my left arm as steadily as I could, I walked outside and awaited his arrival.

The figure morphed into a more familiar one. But the moment he was close enough to properly acknowledge me, the more his emotions took a dip.

"Fuck. You did _not_ just lose her," he cursed, eying my arm with a frown.

I smiled at what the situation looked like. "No, Peter. She'll be back."

"You're telling me she didn't take your arm off and bolt? I'm surprised your head's still on your shoulders."

I flexed the hand on my healing hand. "She took my arm off, felt my agony, and bolted. As much as I hate it, this connection is becoming more prominent, and it will nag her until she comes back."

"I don't know," he chuckled. "She'll fight it tooth and nail before she succumbs to anything. She's more like you than I realized."

At least she had that going for her.

I invited him inside. When he took a seat at one of the chairs in the kitchen, he looked at me expectedly with humorous doubt. "She'll be back, huh? All on her own."

Sighing, I took a seat, careful to keep my arm aligned. "I have Liam on her."

"There it is." He clapped. "If you made any moves banking on this mating bond, I would think you actually believed in it."

"You can resent something and still believe in it. The law. Religion. Marriage, probably."

"Yes, and you can always deny yourself a good thing whether you resent it or not."

I pulled out the replacement phone Liam had given me and placed it on the table. "Everything has consequences."

"Well, at least we're passed the stage of denial." He eyed me for a moment. "I'm taking her to Texas."

That was correct. "Yes."

"You're sure?"

"It's less suspicious if she's with you."

He nodded. "Char has clear instructions. But you do know that Maria will want her at the next meeting."

I frowned. This was going to be a challenge. Elise was a shield, but without proof, she was nothing. "You're right. They wouldn't just take my word for it."

"No. Not that you've given them much of a reason to."

I didn't need to give them a reason. "I'd be more concerned if they trusted me. Their paranoia is what has kept the alliance afloat."

"Same with the Volturi. But as far as we know, they're completely blind. We have most of the Southern territories. With Elise, Demetri will soon be out of the picture."

My jaw tightened. I had gotten her back for just a few days, and everything was ready to accelerate at full speed. I needed more time.

Peter looked around the cabin. His eyes lingered on the chair that Elise had been held in. "How was it?"

Her capture? Brutal. "Not easy."

"You need to be careful with Elijah and Liam."

"They know nothing."

"And they're not like me."

My lips thinned to a line. Peter was alluding to the fact that they were under Maria's command first and foremost, and I shouldn't be surprised if information leaked to her through them.

"Yeah. You know how to keep your mouth shut."

He grinned. "But Elise?"

I spun the phone on the table, my hands fidgeting unnecessarily. "I don't know. I can't tell you with confidence that she'll maintain secrecy. That's why the less she knows, the better."

"You're saying she can't be trusted."

It was unfortunate. "Trusting her right now would be a mistake."

We sat in a brief moment of silence before discussing the training I'd be leading in Southern Arizona. When we began talking about scheduling, I sensed her presence. My sentence cut off abruptly, and I glanced at my buddy.

Peter understood. "Go ahead."

I left the cabin and met her a mile out. She trudged forward to stand before me.

"Back so soon?" I teased. Her clothes were muddy and torn from what I could guess were tree branches. There was blood on her collar, and I was glad to see that she had fed.

The look on her face didn't quite tell me that she was happy to see me, but I was certainly pleased to see her back on my grounds.

"What is this?" She demanded, her hands twitching, her weight shifting. Her body seemed restless, and I felt the urge to calm her, but I knew it wouldn't help. "And stop blaming it on the supernatural."

My comment regarding the curse had stuck. "We _are_ the supernatural."

Her speed was enough to give a vampire whiplash. With a blink of an eye, she stood right in front of me. Her hands touched my shoulders, her voice flowing with desperation. "What the hell is wrong with me?"

My good arm came up to rest a hand on hers. "Should I start with the long list or the short one?"

"Jesus," she ignored me, turning away. "You knew I'd be back."

"Of course. Your conscious is heavy enough. Ripping anyone's arm off would drive you back to them just to say you're sorry."

That made her mad. "I'm ecstatic that I tore off a piece of you. Only one, compared to… let's see, how many bones of mine did you crush?"

Touchy. "Let me think. Would you count the ribs as a single structure or multiple little pieces?"

She smacked my good arm, and not as playfully as I hoped. "Can you be serious for just one second?"

I could do that. "You're leaving today."

That caught her attention. "Texas?"

"I have work to do, and I think you've learned enough to keep most of yourself attached."

She stared at the arm she took off. "Where are you going?"

"Arizona."

She huffed, almost to herself. Her feelings were boiling and she was suffering from bad burns. "I'm not leaving until you stop this."

I cracked a smile, because of course she would blame it on me. "Stop what exactly?"

"This…whatever it is. Are you somehow influencing me with your power?"

"You know I can't do that."

She fumed, frustrated. "I know nothing."

I looked at her sharply. "Stop discrediting yourself. You know how my powers work, and you know how powerful your shield is."

She swallowed, diverting us back to the topic at hand. "You're leaving."

And so was she. We'd just been over this. "Yes."

I looked at her once more, examining the nervousness in her stature. I turned to walk back towards the cabin.

She called out. "It feels foreboding to leave."

I shrugged. "It's called anxiety. Welcome to the side effects."

When I increased my pace, she pulled on my arm. "This isn't normal. I don't feel normal."

Peter was patient, but making him wait for this reason was ridiculous. I reached down to my pocket and pulled out her phone. Typing in a new number, I pressed it into her hands.

"You'll have Peter. But you'll also have your phone. My new number's in there."

She looked down at it. "How considerate."

"And you want to kill me. It's the least I can do."

She frowned deeply. "I want to talk about this. The anxiety, paranoia—"

No. We needed to shut this down before it became an issue on the forefront. "Stop. I know how you're feeling, but you need to control it. Your only job is to go with Peter, get acquainted with camp, and lay low. I mean nothing to you, do you understand?"

She repeated my words, with eyes wide as saucers. "You mean nothing to me."

"Good." I resumed my trek back to the cabin.

"Jasper," she called out, then her voice turned tiny. "Why does that feel like a lie?"

The uncertainty in her voice was enough to make me turn around. "Because it is."

* * *

It was hard to hide how unnecessarily irritated I felt watching the encounter. Peter and Elise had met before, and the sheer excitement on her face made me want to slam my buddy to the dirt. She hadn't looked at me that way for months.

"This is a sight I thought I wouldn't live to see," Peter drawled as we met him outside.

"Peter," Elise acknowledged. "I told you we would meet again."

"And I told you to find Jasper. I think we should just cut the shit and listen to each other."

That wiped the smile off of her face. "New York…and me leaving like that…I'm sorry."

Peter's gaze shifted to mine before going back to hers. "You followed orders. You should never put anyone else's survival above yours. With minimal exceptions."

I stirred us towards the topic at hand. "Alright. Both of you are going directly South. Besides detours for food, I expect a direct path to the camps. No bullshit. No exceptions."

Peter bowed his head in acknowledgment and motioned to the woods. "After you, madam."

Elise turned towards the trees, then fixated back on me. "When will I see you?"

"In a few days."

Mischief played in her eyes. "Well, then. Let's hope I'm still there."

She had no right to make such threats. "You know the consequences."

Peter intervened. "We're on a schedule here. You can fight about it in a few days."

I read her frustration combined with her anxiety. She lingered for too long. "This isn't over."

Did she mean her vengeance? The inevitable reality of our relationship? Or the existence of the bond we shared? "Yes, it isn't." And it never would be.

I watched them disappear into nature.

Once completely out of sight, I pulled up my phone and sent out three texts.

One to Liam. _En route to Texas. Stay on her._

One to Charlotte. _En route to Texas. Keep her safe._

One to Maria. _En route to Texas. The shield is on the way._

* * *

**Elise**

"How has life treated you after New York?" My new travel companion asked me.

Peter and I progressed Southward, choosing paths that were hidden and far from human civilization. The sun was making its great ascent as it declared the brand new day.

I tried to store away the last few days to retain some sort of sanity as we started this lengthy journey. But I also knew that Peter wanted to talk, and ignoring Jasper around him was just not possible.

"Absolute shit."

He grinned. Fucker. "The lion cages the bird."

So he wanted to play it that way. "The bird trains in her cage."

"The bird's cage expands."

My transfer to Texas? Perhaps the plot could take a turn. "The cryptic sets the bird free."

He considered that with a painful expression. "The lion kills the cryptic."

What a great story, and an absolute dead-end to my hopes. "The end."

"On a serious note, I am very glad to see that you're with Jasper. After the whole New York incident, you really shouldn't be running around alone."

New York had been an unexpected surprise. "I wish I stayed to watch you rip Damon's head off."

"You did the right thing by running. And you're doing the right thing by sticking with Jasper."

As if I had a choice. "You said it yourself. I'm caged."

He slowed our pace. "I'm joking. You're not a prisoner."

"That's exactly what I am. I have a six-month sentence."

But he obviously didn't know. "You're kidding."

"Jasper wants me to serve six months for this…alliance."

"Sentenced on what account?"

"Evasion."

He thought for a moment, then the briefest hints of a smile formed on his lips. "That's pretty good."

Was he hearing me? "Which part is good exactly?"

"Just the way he's going about this," he murmured, clearly lost in whatever musings he found more important.

Peter was officially not on my side. "Glad to see you agree with him."

He snapped out of it. "Don't give me that tone, little lady. This is exactly how this should go. I just didn't know that he had used judicial force."

Did he really not know? "Were you also not aware that he was going to throw me into the war? Because I remember you clearly telling me that he wouldn't."

"Jasper said that?"

"It was stated in the terms of the sentence."

He was frustrated. But with Jasper or with me? "I have speculations about Jasper's motives. I've known him long enough to draw out his intentions, but at the end of the day, they are merely speculations. I could give you more insight into what I'm seeing here, but I don't want to shift the biases you currently have, which—unfortunately—are very against him."

I wanted to kick something. In some convoluted sense, he wanted me to like my killer, but he also didn't want to give me any information that might shift my perspective towards that goal. It made no sense. "So you can justify all of this."

"I think so."

"But you won't tell me how?"

"It's often best for you to figure it out yourself. Let the mind do the hunting instead of me feeding the information directly."

He lived up to his nickname and it sucked. "So, you're telling me that there's _probably_ a whole reason behind his shitty behavior that will—for some reason—make it okay for him to be shitty."

"That is the general definition of justification, yes."

But I wasn't entirely lost here. There were specific pieces of information that lay on the ground, waiting to be pieced together. "I know that there are three key factors that impact this situation. One. Jasper wants me alive. Whether it's because to serve his cause or whatever else, he will do everything in his power to help me survive. Two. There was something between us when I was human, and it's clearly impacting the story. But in this case, the story is written in complete gibberish that only Jasper can understand. You see how unfair that is? And finally, three. Jasper and I are cursed with this ungodly bond. Side effects include pain empathy, crippling separation anxiety—"

Peter stopped so quickly I almost fell over him. "Cursed with an ungodly bond. Explain."

I was very happy that he chose to focus in on the last point. "Okay. You need to tell me if witches exist because Jasper was not clear about this."

"They do not. He talked about a bond?"

"He said that what we had between us was a curse, and I had to fight it. Clearly, you know what he's talking about."

As much as he seemed like he wanted to end the conversation, his curiosity was evident. "This is fascinating. But, I need you two to figure this out. If I meddle, I will be held responsible for your actions."

And even that sentiment was silly. Why should Peter pay for any mistakes I would inevitably make? And who had the right to classify them as mistakes that demanded any consequence?

If nothing else, I knew that there was some mystical force out there that caused very unusual effects. My improbable likening to Jasper was something that I would have easily classified as Stockholm Syndrome. But the fact that Jasper himself claimed that he knew exactly how I was feeling threw me in a loop.

But whatever this was, it seemed important enough to be treated as highly classified information.

_I mean nothing to you._

Jasper didn't want this to get out. And the significance of the situation was confirmed with Peter's next words.

"Oh, and Elise. The whole curse thing—as with most things—keep it to yourself. Never give out information freely or without thought."

As we progressed further in our route, I felt the heaviness in my chest increase. My hand went to my pocket and brushed over my phone that Jasper had returned.

I wanted to ask if he had started his journey.

I wanted to know if he had fed.

I knew I hadn't asked, but I wanted to know if his arm would be okay.

But besides those silly questions, I had more important, pressing ones that he refused to answer.

_Why do you care?_

Bastard. _Why did you kill me?_

_How could you kill me?_

_Why do I want to believe every word you tell me?_

I sighed.

_Why do I care?_

"Elise. I need you to tell me that you promise confidentiality."

Peter didn't trust me. Not one bit. He wouldn't ask otherwise. "Yes."

"Yes—what?"

Unwillingly, I complied. "I won't speak about the curse."

"Or anything between you and Jasper."

The cage tightened, and it was Peter who took hold of the key. He had effectively sealed my mouth shut regarding any exploration I wanted to do about the topic.

My feelings turned ugly. I was wrong to consider this man a friend.

* * *

**A/N: Lots of positive feedback regarding Jasper's perspective. But Elise is the other key player in this story, and we need to occasionally follow her point of view.**

**Elise is learning to not be as blind with her trust. It's also making her more of a cynic. We can definitely see Jasper's influence here.**


	6. Liquid Sunshine

Previously:

_The cage tightened, and it was Peter who took hold of the key. He had effectively sealed my mouth shut regarding any exploration I wanted to do about the topic._

_My feelings turned ugly. I was wrong to consider this man a friend._

* * *

**Elise**

The base was just a large plot of land that consisted of concrete, dirt, and the dead.

Structures that resembled isolated rooms were scattered across the layout. Cold. Gray. Solid. The habitats resembled their inhabitants. The center square was left bare—dark dirt, and loose stones—in which I assumed I would be spending most of my time practicing dismemberment.

My assumptions were validated as I watched two male vampires circle each other on the empty soil.

Peter stopped, examined the group of vampires that stood around them, then pulled me towards more concrete. We stopped in front of a door amongst many other doors.

"This is your room."

I let myself into the space that could barely be a decent storage unit. More gray. A desk and a drawer. The only light source was the front door. There were no damn windows.

And it was missing another detail. "No bed?"

Peter motioned for me to get out. "What exactly do you think you'll be using a bed for?"

Jasper killed people in beds. Probably for that. "My private life is none of your concern."

He chuckled lowly. "Privacy is not a luxury you will have here. Please remember that."

That was more than clear. The _rooms_ were just prison cells without the bars. And concrete was paper to our kind. What was even the point?

"Home sweet home."

Peter turned around to greet another vampire. Female, petite, blonde. "Ah, perfect. Elise, this is Charlotte."

 _Charlotte_. The wife. I held out my hand. "Hello."

"Hi sweetie," she smiled and took my hand. "Welcome."

Peter put an arm around her proudly. "She will be your guide and your best chance at surviving the next few days."

"That's right," she confirmed. "Stay with me, and we'll get you acquainted with the base in no time."

Peter was deferring the reins to his wife. He planted a kiss on her forehead, gave me a firm nod, then hastily disappeared.

"Let me begin with the schedule." We distanced away from the rows of concrete as she briefed me on key hours, training durations, and meal breaks. Most of the nighttime was free of any required meetings and was considered _me time_.

"Your situation is a little more unique in which your training time will be split into mental and physical training." She paused to gesture to the central circle of dirt. "Physical training here beginning at 6 AM every morning. We'll utilize the surrounding forestry to give you some space for your shield expansion. We have a lot of gifted here for you to practice with."

I watched a new pair of vampires begin to circle each other.

"Any questions?"

Too many. Did she know about my sentence? Did everybody here know? Where did all of these vampires come from? Were they serving just like I was?

"Why did you join this thing?"

"The alliance? I'll support Peter in anything he wants to get involved in."

Anything? "A new job, moving to Costa Rica, or getting into real-estate—I would understand. But this seems…"

"Dangerous?" She offered me a small smile. "All revolutions are dangerous. But I trust Peter's judgement."

I didn't. "I don't know him that well."

We resumed the tour. "You've seen your room. Housing structures are scattered across the compound. Let's head over to the further East side for the dining area. Are you hungry?"

"You have a dining area? How does that even work?"

"A little unusual, yes. A lot of venom is lost during training, and some need immediate replenishment. So we try to have blood available for recruits."

The _cafeteria_ was far from the action. Charlotte explained that the fresh smell of blood had to be kept at a distance and mostly covered as to not distract the fighting. And I understood that sentiment because the closer we got to the dining area, the more my throat began to announce its forceful desires.

There was a giant slab of concrete in front of the tent, presumably to block out the wind from dispersing the scent of the blood. Inside, there was a long wooden table with multiple canisters.

"Just blood. No type-distinction. We're not that fancy."

The image in front of me triggered a conversation.

_Some pick a human for the night, drain her, and funnel her blood into an elegant dispenser. Then, they sit around a large dinner table and pretend they're drinking wine. Some even pray before._

She grabbed a glass cup. "Want some?"

"Where does the blood come from?"

"It's easiest to grab in bulk from donation sites. Funneling from a body is harder, but we do resort to that at times."

Neither sounded acceptable. "I'd like to hunt."

She put her glass underneath a dispenser tap and turned the dial. Sweet red nectar began slowly filling the cup. If vampires cared about aesthetic, this would be it.

"At first, most recruits have the same reaction you do. Have you ever lost an arm before?"

"No."

"Venom loss combined with your required daily feedings as a newborn, you're going to need access to blood. Fast. This is the best way."

But what were we without self control? "I'd like to hunt."

Her smile didn't fade, as if she expected my reaction. "I would advise against it. You would need to be escorted out of the compound, and I am not in the position to help you with that."

"Then who is?"

I already knew the answer. "It's something you should consult Peter about. Do you have any questions?"

"Are the Cullens here?"

"They are primarily located here. Some have been transferred temporarily."

As we walked back to my room, I scanned our surroundings for my vegetarian friends. And as I caught the transition of training rotations, I recognized a familiar faced in the crowd.

"Esme?" I called.

Her head snapped up to meet my eyes. She muttered something to the group and jogged over to us.

"Elise?" Her motherly concern was the first thing that welcomed me. She looked me over, then her gaze firmly rested on my reddened eyes. She probably disapproved. "It's so good to see you."

"You're training? Where are the others?"

She looked back at the circle. "A lot has changed. Come find me tonight. Let's catch up."

And she left as quickly as she came.

Charlotte pulled me towards the trees. "Let me give you an idea of the compound boundaries."

The boundaries extended deep into the surrounding woods, easily five miles away from the center circle. Even so, Charlotte spoke with a soft whisper and her sudden change in demeanor surprised me.

"We are watched and listened to. The alliance takes no risks with any recruits."

It was an act. "So, who are you really?"

She held out her hand. "I'm Charlotte. Peter's wife. A friend."

Friend might have been pushing it. I eyed her hand "Jasper said to stick with you."

"Yes. I know you don't trust me."

"It's kind of by association. I don't trust him either."

Her hand retracted. "I see. I am not Jasper. Not in the slightest. I hope to earn your trust, just as you will need to earn mine." She gave me her phone number. "Talk less. Text more. There are more ears here than you'd think."

I programmed her number in and we walked deeper into the greenery until we reached a metal fence. "This is it."

I touched the thin wires, assessing the situation. "I know the consequences of running. So I would appreciate it if you let me hunt my way."

"I can't make that decision."

"Is that a nicer way of saying he'll never let me leave without him?"

She sighed and lowered her voice. "You may not trust him, but he doesn't trust you either."

The restrictions imposed on me were based entirely on my actions as a human? "That's fucked up. I don't remember anything."

"Look, I won't defend him to you. But I also cannot influence his decisions."

In other words, she was absolutely useless. "I should go find Esme."

She stood in front of me. "Try to keep an open mind. Please. There's so much potential here."

Ridiculous. "Would you tell an inmate the same thing?"

She frowned. "6 AM. Center circle."

_Be there or be square._

* * *

I caught Esme lingering by another row of rooms. She smiled at me and put her hair in a tight ponytail. Doing so revealed her neck.

My eyes shot to her choice in jewelry. "Is that…?"

Her hand came up to grasp the necklace. "Unfortunately, yes. You being here doesn't guarantee that your shield will protect us at all times."

The fingers that Jasper had sent to the Cullens belonged to a vampire with a shield. It was different from mine in that it only shielded via touch. Esme wore a pinkie on her neck.

"Where is Carlisle?"

"East. He's been in and out of meetings to advise the delegates regarding the Volturi. In fact, the delegates have offered him a permanent position."

"Is he taking it?"

She shrugged. "He should. We aren't going anywhere anytime soon. Edward and Alice are supporting efforts as much as they can with their gifts. The family left with Carlisle a few days ago. They should be back next week."

"Why didn't you go?"

"I'm in the middle of a training drill. I didn't want to leave my group."

Was Jasper going to make them fight? "Why are you training?"

"The only thing I would die for in this world is my family. I'm taking advantage of the training that's offered here so I can be prepared for the worst case."

"Might as well reap the benefits," I muttered.

The sky was fading to black. Esme leaned in. "How are you holding up?"

Jasper was a sensitive topic. Not only for us, but for anyone who was listening in. And I knew I had to keep it generic. "I'm tired. Did you know immortals could feel tired?"

"Yes."

"Just the games, the running. The uncertainty."

"Sure."

"But I don't want it to be weird between us."

She took my hand. "It's not. There is nothing we can't move past."

Except that thin metal fence five miles away from either direction.

"Emmett will be excited to see you."

I knew she wanted to talk, but she was holding back. Had she been warned to keep the conversation minimal? "Do you want to take a walk?"

Her golden eyes shifted to the trees. "I actually need to go on a hunt."

Of course. She wouldn't be utilizing the assortment of human blood. None of the Cullens would be.

"They let you leave?"

Her eyebrows came together. "The meal selection doesn't cater to our diets. I was going to invite you to come with, but I see that you can't."

She reached out and pulled me into a hug. She probably sensed the conflict, disdain, and resentment. Every second in this compound was a blow against any ties I had with Jasper. I hated the man for all of this.

The sense of imprisonment was the worst mental torture.

"Nothing is forever," she said when she pulled away. "Show me where you're staying."

She walked with me back to my cell and I opened the door.

"We have the same furniture," she joked. I didn't find it funny. After lingering, she told me she would see me in a few hours and I watched her run off into the distance.

I walked into the tiny room, keeping the door open for the moonlight. I noticed others in the camp did the same. The chair creaked with my weight as I began to shuffle through the two drawers in the desk.

The first drawer held a book. _1984_ by George Orwell.

I didn't remember holding the book or even seeing the cover page. But I remembered the story, the characters, and the journey.

I looked out of the door when I heard the shuffling of vampires. Some stopped to look at me, others left me ignored. With the continually darkening sky, the trees began to blend together and I felt the eerie sense of being observed. And I was right. Liam was leaning against a tree, probably half a mile away.

I absently played with the corners of the book in my hands. Big Brother was truly always watching. And there was a great possibility that my history could be written and rewritten, and I couldn't fight or object. Because the blanks in my brain were just an easy canvas for anyone to paint any picture on.

How terrifying was that?

* * *

**Jasper**

After two long days, I breathed in the hot Texas air and dropped my duffel bag onto my desk.

"…and if we can stage a battle in Arizona, that will be the icing on the cake." Peter leaned against the doorway.

I was back in the compound for a minute, and he didn't skip a beat.

"We need to get approval from the rest of the delegates for this plan. All of the camps need to be in sync." I collapsed onto the wooden chair and stared out of the window. "How are things?'

"Things are good. As expected."

No unexpected trouble from Elise. Surprising. "How have the dining arrangements resonated with the recruits?"

He winced. "Could be better."

It was an issue I had anticipated, but I knew I could use it to my advantage.

"Well," I whispered lowly. "She's probably hungry."

We walked out towards the center circle. Recruits were sitting along the edge, watching the lead show some maneuvers in the center. The demonstration was cut short when the group saw us approach. Elise averted her gaze when I stopped right in front of her.

"We need to train your shield. Get up."

I saw her lips purse tightly as she slowly got to her feet. She nodded to the people around her and followed me into the trees.

The silence was suffocating as she stopped in a clearing. She sat on the ground and closed her eyes.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Training my shield."

Right. "You haven't eaten since you've arrived, have you?"

"For obvious reasons."

"I get it. Let's go."

"So, is this me being escorted out?"

She was introduced to the formalities of her sentence through Charlotte, and her cold responses told me she didn't like it. "Let's just take a walk. I'm taking you out to dinner."

We hopped over the flimsy fence and distanced ourselves from camp.

"Where are we going?"

"Austin. Big cities are good for the kind of meals you want."

She looked at me warily. "You seem calm."

I felt like I could breathe. "You're here. You're safe. You haven't compromised us. But I dare say you seem calm as well. How are you really feeling?"

She glared at me. "You really want to start this?"

I really didn't. I liked it when we didn't talk. Especially because talking exploded too easily. "Indulge me."

"I can't say what I want. I can't ask questions. I can't leave. This is prison."

Technically, she was a sentenced prisoner. "You could change your perspective."

"And you could let me go."

That was no fun. "And then what?"

"I would run."

She didn't have a plan. "You won't have the Cullens. You can't run forever."

"Why do people keep saying that? We are dead. What's stopping me?"

"There are bigger things than just yourself."

Her fire ignited. "You say to put yourself first, but you call me selfish for doing exactly that."

"Maybe you shouldn't care what I think."

She huffed. "Well. You have the Cullens, and you have me. Jasper Whitlock gets everything he has ever wanted."

Her sarcasm was childish, but I still threw her a bone. "You know, I actually never intended on catching you or the Cullens."

"I don't believe that."

"Think about it. I needed you to run. I didn't know what the Volturi was doing or where they were. If your shield was breached, Demetri could track the Cullens."

Her eyes widened slightly. "You wanted us to run because of the Volturi. Not because of you."

"Precisely. I needed you to keep moving."

"You have a tracker like Demetri?"

It was a good guess. "As far as I know, Demetri is the only one of his kind. We have a psychic to monitor Aro's decisions. And based on that, tracking a cell phone is not hard."

Her smile was beautiful yet grim. "I should've known about the phone."

"You don't know how glad I am that you didn't get rid of it."

Did she notice how she was inching closer with every step? Did she even have the slightest idea of how her scent impacted me? I had run for miles to get away from this feeling only to long for it when I was far enough away. The constant push and pull was driving me insane.

But she wasn't human anymore. She felt the same. Her curiosity made that clear.

"How was our relationship when I was human?"

I looked at her. "I never quite knew whether I wanted to kiss you or bite you."

"Sounds conflicting."

"Read your journal."

"Were we in love?" Hesitant, cautious. Regretful the moment the question left her lips. Mine twitched with the vulnerability she wrapped herself in.

"I don't know," I said honestly. "My gift never worked on you."

"You don't need a gift to know."

"Well, I wouldn't know. The thing is, Elise Adams, I don't know how to function without my gift."

She grinned. "Yeah. Esme said I frustrated you."

"You still do."

"Wait—was that an admittance of weakness?"

Was it? "It was honesty."

"A first, probably. And my question wasn't _was I in love_ , it was _were we_?"

It was a silly question. "No. We never got along. We fought all the time."

"Seriously? Your honesty ran out that quickly?"

Fine. Fuck it. "We debated about humanity, immortality, and morality. I adored your strength and your resilience. You didn't give a damn if I could twist your neck in a heartbeat. You fought me like you were invincible."

I stopped in front of her. My hand grabbed her shirt and tugged her closer. "And the sun followed you around like a lost puppy. You brought it with you to shitty, gloomy Washington. Then to Idaho."

I breathed in deeply. "The sun marked you. It embedded its scent into your skin."

Her shirt tore just a touch under my grip as I insisted she come even closer. My nose hovered over her neck. "You're dead but you still smell like the goddamned sun."

She snapped back quickly. "Was I happy being your scented candle?"

And I pushed her away. "You didn't object."

"Did you drink from me?"

My mood turned sour. "You were dinner most nights."

Her fingers played with the tear in her shirt. "We had sex."

"All the time."

She wasn't running anymore. On the contrary, she was closer than comfort would allow. Her arms came up to wrap around my neck, tugging me lower. Underground. Underwater. Drowning.

"You only want me for my shield."

My hands gripped her waist. "That's it."

"All I'm good for is to help you win the war."

My fingers ran over the exposed flesh from her ruined shirt. "An asset."

Her eyes gleamed red. "You will never trust me."

"I would be a fool."

Her lips brushed my chin, my cheek. My lungs filled with water.

"You don't love me."

She pressed her lips to the corner of mine. And for just that moment, I was the ravenous newborn who had gotten his first taste. I growled lowly and grabbed her chin. My touch didn't matter. My speed didn't matter. I didn't have to think. Instinct.

Finally, I tasted the sun.

* * *

**A/N: The world is on fire. Stay safe.**


	7. Worst Qualities

Previously:

_She pressed her lips to the corner of mine, and for just that moment, I was the ravenous newborn who had gotten the first taste. I growled lowly and grabbed her chin. My touch didn't matter. My speed didn't matter. I didn't have to think. Instinct._

_Finally, I tasted the sun._

* * *

**Jasper**

I felt as if I was consuming her all over again. Her lips against mine. Fierce, fast, angry. The warm comfort transformed into frost bite. Another bitter reminder that the woman in front of me was not the woman I knew.

My hands pulled at her shirt as hers pressed down on the nape of my neck, her fingers curling in my hair. She didn't need to stop for a breath or to calm her racing heart. So why did she pull away?

"This isn't the first time you've kissed me."

Not a question. A statement.

"Of course not." I let go of her. I opened my hand to find white fabric, then looked at her exposed abdomen. I gave the sad piece of cloth back. "We'll find you a new shirt."

She accepted it and plastered it across her stomach, covering the giant tear. "You could give me yours."

"There would be a lot of speculation at camp." Plus, mine hid the glaring truth in my jeans.

She rolled her eyes at the implication. "What? People would think we had sex? Big deal."

I gave her a stern look. "We didn't."

"Was that really a lie?"

"You were human."

"And you were a gentleman?"

I simply knew her boundaries. "I was realistic."

She pressed her shirt closer to her skin. "I suppose I'm glad that you were, seeing as a kiss results in this much damage."

"There was always an element of trepidation. It wasn't something I felt with other humans. But you didn't die because of a kiss.'

"It wasn't an accident," she said. "We know that."

"It was a necessity. Now, let's get you fed."

Her hand landed deliciously on my chest. "So, you take me out here. You kiss me. You're determined to get me to eat. Obviously, you want to take care of me. I personally don't understand that."

"You wouldn't. Your feelings for me are nonexistent."

"Are they?"

"You're consumed by hatred and the will to survive. It's…" I paused with a frown. "Everything I wanted you to be."

A cool breeze blew through us, and neither of us seemed to want to dive into the topic. Seconds passed. Minutes.

"So," she drew out after a while. "Austin."

* * *

Elise drained two and a half bank robbers. It took us an hour to locate them, which was just a waste of time. Afterwards, we stalked through the streets of the big city. She stained the new shirt I stole for her when she wiped her lips on the sleeve.

The clubs were shutting down at this hour, but the drunk were everywhere. And they were loud.

I pointed to a group of guys who were leaving a venue, intoxicated out of their minds. "Why can't you just kill them? It's quick. It's easy. It's right there. Plus, boozy victims are the most fun."

"When I start caring about what you eat, maybe we can talk about it."

I wanted to laugh. "You cared a lot about my diet."

"Let me guess. I didn't want you killing humans."

"Yeah you were very delicate about that."

"Probably because I was human. I mean, you claim we had a relationship but that fact that you ate my kind probably didn't stick well with me."

The men saw us and called out to Elise. I stepped closer to her. "Or I could just kill them for you."

"They're drunk."

"You're not the one who has to to feel their lust, Elise."

She smirked at me. "You don't have to be jealous. Believe me, I don't trust myself around humans yet. I would need to start with a handshake, not a hand job."

I bit my tongue. "Sure."

"After all, a kiss could crush their skulls, right?"

"Yup."

Catcalls, whistles. Come here's.

I caught Elise giving me a sideways glance. "It bothers you, huh?"

"Men will adore you. It's your nature now, and you should use it to your advantage."

"I won't kill them."

"Then maybe I just will," I murmured. "We need to be back by six."

"I know my schedule."

* * *

Two days later, I found her in her room. "You're coming with Peter and I to a meeting in Oklahoma."

Elise stepped outside.

"You're leaving?" A girl from the next room over popped out of her door.

Elise nodded to her. "You can let Zack know."

Zack was their lead trainer.

"No need," I said. "You'll be back tonight. You won't miss anything tomorrow."

The girl looked me over, then gave Elise a firm nod. "Alright. Be safe."

We started towards the metal fence. "Who was that?"

"Claudia. I'm making friends."

Peter joined us as we hiked North. When we were far enough away from camp, he addressed Elise. "Charlotte's not been seeing much of you."

"And?"

"She's here to help you."

Elise didn't like the implication. "I don't need another watchdog."

Peter sighed heavily and increased his pace. "Alright. Two shitty moods and a three hour journey. Wonderful."

"Why is Jasper in a shitty mood?"

Peter glanced at me but didn't respond. The quiet spoke more than anything. Elise's adjustment to camp had been a gradual process. She listened more than she spoke. She took her training seriously. To her, I pretty much didn't exist besides our trips to the city. To say it bothered me was ridiculous. It was better if she ignored me, but being a shadow in her life was frustrating. I was proud of her aloofness, but damn did it hurt to be brushed off so quickly.

"What's up with you, Pete?" Elise spoke up after a mile.

"Peter," he corrected.

"Pete."

"You were more fun in New York."

She shrugged. "You caged your bird and she's not as entertaining anymore. Boo hoo."

"Take it out on Jasper. That's his job."

"Alright, enough," I interjected. "This meeting is important. Elise, your shield needs a demonstration."

"Do I need to demonstrate expansion?"

"No. Just proof that you aren't a physical shield."

Elise looked uncertain. "You have a physical shield that the Cullens are still benefiting from."

"Correct. Her name is Rebecca. You've met her."

"Really?"

I nodded. "But she doesn't know that. She was changing."

Peter injected himself into the conversation. "It's also when we met."

"How is she without her fingers?"

"She manages. She got to keep four on her left hand."

Elise didn't seem to know how to feel about that. "She must be uncomfortable."

"Probably."

"And she doesn't have much of a choice," Peter added.

In Oklahoma, the delegates convened in a makeshift shelter. A large tent was set up to block the possibility of rain, and underneath was a large wooden table accompanied with chairs.

A couple of delegates greeted us as we made our way to our seats.

Elise sat between us. "Carlisle?"

Papa Cullen was pleasantly surprised to be reunited with his favorite patient. He gave her a warm smile as he took a seat directly across from us. Where I would expect hostility, Carlisle always maintained a peaceful air.

"Good to see you," he acknowledged her.

I reached under the table and squeezed her hand. No more conversation. And thankfully, she understood.

"Oh, hello precious girl." Maria slithered her way into the tent and took the chair next to me. Looking over at Elise, she admired the girl. "Jasper's been making a lot of big promises."

My mouth twisted. "Hello, Maria."

"Well," she clapped. "I vote we start with the elephant in the room."

The delegates quieted down and William stood up. William was the delegate who had come upon Rebecca. His ability let him trigger an undeniable attraction in mortals. Infatuation, obsession, love. He could do it all.

We all smelled the human before she was brought into the tent. A recruit carried in a young woman scared out of her wits.

Maria leaned in closer to me. "Maybe you can help us, Major Whitlock."

Easy. The woman's demeanor calmed as I utilized my gift. Her struggles against the recruit grew less and less until it was no more. She stood, staring at the table of vampires.

"William," a delegate gestured. "Please."

"Nothing," he said simply. "I've been throwing everything I have at her since she walked in. She should've stopped struggling even before Mr. Whitlock intervened."

Maria stared past me at Elise. "Perfect. Just perfect."

William stepped behind the girl. I saw Elise turn her head to avoid the visual in front of her. With a snap, the girl's head twisted abnormally, and she lay dead on the ground.

The group moved on.

"The girl is in training?" A delegate asked.

"Yes," I said. "Physical and mental."

"Emphasize the mental. Her shield must not provide any loopholes. We would rather her shield be able to consistently protect at a shorter radius than have it fizzle out in expansion."

Noted. Another delegate spoke up. "Carlisle, the head of the guard makes their yearly rounds in early January—is that correct?"

"Yes. Which will bring Demetri to the Eastern states."

A member brought up her concerns. "That doesn't give us a whole lot of turnaround time. If we make a move on Demetri, Aro will act fast. We will need to transport the shield and our most gifted to Italy."

"I'm not concerned about that," Carlisle said. "It will take time for the news to filter to Aro. Fortunately for us, Aro puts a lot of trust into his guard."

"Of course it won't just be Demetri who gets taken out. Felix and the rest will be with him, no?" Maria asked.

Carlisle frowned. "I doubt Aro would leave Volterra entirely defenseless at any time. He will keep part of his guard on site unless he himself travels."

The plan wasn't solid, and I could sense Maria's frustration. "We don't know anything, then, Mr. Cullen. We cannot move with this. Figure out who will be in the Americas this winter, or we cannot act."

A delegate agreed. "Mr. Cullen, we need certainty. Especially regarding the whereabouts of the twins."

Alec and Jane. The head offensive weaponry Aro utilized to their fullest extent.

"The shield must be where the twins will be. Or there is no war. Only capture, sentence, and death," the delegate finished.

Maria's lips curled. "Let's put this to the side. Updates?"

The meeting ran for half an hour, then we were dismissed.

* * *

Peter accompanied us most of the way back. We parted ways when I took Elise away to Austin. This time, she intercepted a car thief.

I kept my mouth shut at the extra two hours we wasted looking for crime. It hadn't been a typical day for her. She had her first exposure to the delegates, and she had remained compliant with her promise of silence. I had half expected her to get up in protest as the young woman was killed before the group.

"What did you think of the meeting?" I asked.

"Hm?" She caught her reflection on a clothing store display and wiped some blood from her chin.

"The delegates."

"They seemed unprepared."

"Yes. I don't think they were expecting to find a shield like you for quite some time."

She glanced at me. "Do they even know my name?"

"No."

" _The shield_ ," she mocked. "Just another tool in their weapon stock."

I chuckled. "Existentialism is normal. Shall I begin comparing to the average middle-class worker striving for retirement?"

"I get it. Life sucks for everyone."

It had been a stressful day. I wasn't sure how the meeting would go. Elise was unpredictable in many ways, but today she had surprised me. I could almost see her fold into herself as she distanced herself away from the realities in front of her. Her eyes stared, but she wasn't there. No outbreaks. No retaliation. She had watched a helpless young woman die without mercy.

The moon appeared as we entered the woods. She surprised me again when she pulled on my hand. "Can we just stop here for a little bit? Before going back?"

I wordlessly followed her to a clearing where the trees parted and allowed for the moonlight to shine through. We sat beside a large tree trunk. Observing. Listening. Existing.

"Your scent changes throughout the day. I can sense it all over camp," she said. "Smoky in the mornings, then it grows sweeter throughout the day. It lingers when you leave."

She filled the air with her voice, rambling on about the grass, the flowers by her room, and her new friend. She didn't want to go back. She was buying time. My thoughts centered around her voice as everything faded to the background.

I thought about her at the waterfall. Her warmth combined with her dripping clothes. My fingers reached out to touch her, and my imagination filled in the gaps. I trailed a index finger down her arm; a blank canvas where veins should have been visible. Her knuckles lacked the prominent creases. Her nails weren't chipped. Too glossy. I pulled at her hair gently, noting the curls and the deepened color. Her eyes were something I couldn't avoid. Her chest was an empty ribcage for all I knew.

"I hate these perfections," I murmured.

Elise shifted her tone. "My maker hates his creation."

"My creation has exceeded expectations."

"You don't seem happy about that." She searched my eyes. "What's so bad about me?"

It felt like my tongue had swelled and it was hard to speak. "You're a damn siren. You will run the moment your sentence hits the six months. You've retained your worst human qualities. And you… will never trust me."

"My worst human qualities?"

"Your dietary restrictions are better than the Cullens, but still too picky. You have the same value for human life as you did before."

"Wow. Shoot me," she scoffed. "And trust no one. You've taught me that. You can't be mad at your student for learning the material."

There was no arguing with that. "You're right. Will you do something for me?"

"Why would I do anything for you?"

"Stop, just—" My fists clenched. "Read your journal. Will you do that?"

She didn't have answer, but the surprises kept coming. A rush of wind, and cool lips on mine. Her control was still questionable as I felt her push me down until my back rested against the ground. Her leg crossed over mine, shifting until she straddled me. Her force was constant. Persistent. She would have crushed me if I had been human.

"Fuck," I whispered as I felt her body, her weight, her being. The haze set in and nothing else mattered. Her slow kiss accelerated, and I pushed back into it. I needed her to feel exactly what she was doing to me. For a millisecond, I felt her pull back on her force. So I took the opportunity to push my way. I turned her over and pinned her to the ground. My hand grasped hers and pulled her arms up above her head. Control. It was mine. My other hand trailed down her neck, to her breast, then to her belly. This was intoxication. Her scent, her moans, the feel of my skin against hers. My hand lingered on her belly, then began to explore down.

Her hands fought free and grabbed mine immediately. "Stop."

The smoke cleared at her command. I didn't say a word as she distanced herself and took a moment. She tamed her hair as I tried to think about anything but her.

"We do this my way," she said finally. "I'll read the journal at my own pace. I make strides at my own pace. You don't touch me otherwise."

My dick didn't agree, but this was progress. Clean, beautiful progress. Because I knew that she wouldn't try at all if she didn't feel anything.

"Deal," I said quickly and reached out for her hand. She gave me a pointed look to reiterate her point, then carefully set her hand in my palm.

I kissed her knuckles. "That's all I need."

"No," she smiled sweetly. "I can tell you need way more than that. But I know humans are more than willing."

"Say anything, but keep smiling like that."

That wiped it off of her face. "I'm serious. I would be messed up in the brain to ever want to sleep with you."

I couldn't help my glee as I planted another kiss on her fingers. She couldn't help her exasperation.

"You are the most…narcissistic, conceited, self-absorbed man I have ever met. You think that's appealing to me?"

"You're drowning in your own hypocrisy. I've felt the way you kiss me. And in between your childish, hateful tantrums, you look at me in wonder and consideration. You may not remember your feelings, but they're resurfacing. I don't need to be an empath to tell you that."

She yanked her hand back. "And cocky. You speak like you know everything."

"I don't and can't know everything. Be realistic," I smirked at her. "Kiss me again, and I can show you how good it can be."

She fumed. "Goodnight, _Major_ Whitlock."

* * *

**A/N: Perhaps physically, they're progressing. Emotionally? I'm not really sure.**


	8. Child's Play

Previously:

_"I don't and can't know everything. Be realistic," I smirked at her. "Kiss me again, and I can show you how good it can be."_

_She fumed. "Goodnight, Major Whitlock."_

* * *

**Elise**

Claudia and I met during a sparring round. Her cautious, calculated air had initially thrown me off. My strategy was always to charge with minimal consideration, but when she began dodging me, I knew I had to hold back and think. That day, I learned the importance of pausing, and inaction.

"You met the delegates, huh?"

Claudia and I trekked through the tall grass surrounding the base. The moonlight welcomed us. This was our period of break. "Yeah."

She had short, dark hair. Very aerodynamic in battle. The wind never favored me. "I'll stand by what I said. A gift is a curse. That's why they want you."

She didn't have any gifts, and I was never sure if she felt the way she did because she envied the gifted, or if she truly felt that power was a liability.

"Probably."

Our boots crunched against the dirt. "Do you remember your family?"

I hadn't thought about my parents for what seemed like ages. "Yes."

"Where are they?"

"Dead."

She paused for a second, then examined me. "Did you bury them?"

"No."

"So, you never saw their bodies?"

"Jesus, Claudia."

She persisted. "Is the cat dead or alive, Elise? You never know until you see it."

I laughed at her reference to Schrodinger's experiment. "By that interpretation, my parents are both dead and alive. Wouldn't that classify them as vampires?"

"Fine. Your parents are vampires until you can prove otherwise."

My skin felt like it could shiver. The Jovu had always made sure to emphasize that our families were a thing of the past. But by Claudia's rule, I couldn't claim anything until I saw cold dead bodies—animate or inanimate.

We both stopped when we sensed a presence. Liam. He was holding a large mailing envelope.

"Adams," he said and offered it to me. "Delivery."

Claudia and I watched him run off.

"What is it?" She asked.

I peeked into the envelope to confirm my suspicion. "Some truth. I think."

"Meeting the delegates, special deliveries. And you're constantly being watched. Run while you can, sister. This is a nightmare."

"We're all constantly being watched."

"Yeah, but—" She lowered her voice. "One of the higher ups—he's constantly on your tail."

Jasper. "Liam?"

"The one that took you to the meeting."

"Oh."

"It's unsettling. You don't notice?"

Annoying was a better word. "I try to ignore it."

Jasper and I were strange. Confusing. It was easy to see that he cared for me, and I could also sense his frustration due the lack of my reciprocation. Anything I felt for him bordered around murderous rage.

"Where does he take you?"

"Hm?"

"You leave with him most days."

"For shield training." Which was exactly what the rest of the camp knew. Jasper never let me forget the importance of discretion. If he gave me special treatment because of my diet, that was unacceptable.

"He likes you."

I fought hard to roll my eyes when I met her grinning face. "We're really talking about this?"

Her eyes widened, and so did her smile. "You're in trouble, too. Wow."

"Claudia," I warned. "I have enough shit on my plate. Please stop making assumptions."

She shrugged. "Just be careful. I know some recruits who've been sitting on the wrong laps for some perks. It doesn't work, and it's embarrassing."

This was gossip that I hadn't heard. "Seriously?"

"It's disgusting."

A part of me wondered if anyone had tried with Jasper. As we stepped back into the central base, I caught Jasper's gaze. He looked at me curiously, then turned around to greet Peter. The envelope crinkled under my grip as Claudia and I made our way back to our rooms.

"You want to grab a bite?" She asked me.

I opened my door. "You go ahead."

She nodded, lingering. "I hope you find your truth."

When she left, I opened the envelope and pulled out the leather journal. A note slipped out with it.

_Keep locked in drawer._

I ran my hands over the cover, searching in my brain for what exactly I hoped out of this experience. My words, my thoughts, my feelings as a human? More specifically, my thought-process regarding my change? My feelings regarding death. My time with the Cullens. My experience with Jasper.

I frowned when I heard yelling outside and quickly obliged with the note's orders. I secured the flimsy drawer key in my back pocket.

_"Elise! Which room was it?"_

_"Seriously. This place looks more and more like a prison camp."_

I peered out of the door, but their scents were already too familiar.

Emmett, Rosalie, and Edward. An expected surprise.

"Hi," I said meekly.

"How do you like your cell?" Rosalie smiled sweetly.

"Less restrictive than our collective one."

Emmett grabbed me for a hug. "You've grown. Rose, she's so big now. Training, fighting, kicking ass."

"Hey, Edward," I nodded at him. "How are you?'

"I'm well. We hope it wasn't too difficult to get you here."

I smiled tightly. "Let's not get into that."

And that was respected.

"Where's Alice?"

"Kept far from camp efforts," Edward answered. "She has the Volturi on watch."

Alice's only use was for her ability to predict the Volturi's decisions. They didn't need her for anything else. "I saw Carlisle at the meeting."

"Yes. He's been very involved."

"Esme's here."

"Yeah," Emmett laughed. "Mama Cullen can _fight._ "

I couldn't help but notice their choice of accessories. Where was the alliance keeping the girl they tore apart for their protection? Locked away with Alice?

A loud group of recruits went by, cheering for something. I looked over at them, but Emmett stepped into my view.  
"What's up? You don't seem psyched to see us."

Their presence here only complicated things. I couldn't talk to them about my problems. Jasper left a whirlwind in my brain. The shield training threatened migraines. More stimulation and I might just combust.  
"I'm just very emotionally exhausted from the day, and training starts back up soon."

Emmett nodded slowly. "Not a good time?"

"Not at all. But I'm glad to see you, and I'm glad that you're all okay."

"Define _okay,"_ Rosalie scoffed.

"Alive," I clarified. "Really, I'm happy to see you. Are you staying?"

"Yes," Edward said. "Jasper insisted that we stay for a while."

"Did he?" I looked back at the recruits. Laughter.

Jasper wanted the Cullens back, but for what? To serve as a distraction for me? More toys in my playpen? He knew how much I appreciated Emmett's company. But none of this felt right.

I lowered my voice to a whisper, but even that was risky. "Is he making you stay?"

Edward looked at his family, then shook his head. "We're happy to be here for you."

I didn't need them. I just needed the truth. "You'd be happier in Washington…Idaho…wherever it is you call home. You're here because your life depends on it, and—" the recruits were getting louder, and I wanted to scream. The amount of sugarcoating for my expense was revolting. The Cullens needed Jasper's protection, and would do anything he asked of them to guarantee their survival. It was getting harder and harder to distinguish between insincerity and a true bond. The latter was hard to fathom given that I didn't remember these people.

"Take some time," Emmett said calmly. He sensed the turmoil. "We'll see you tonight."

I watched them leave, hoping they would say something—anything to each other to break their facade. But all I got was silence, apart from the rambunctious group of vampires telling stories, joking around, and basking in their time off before the day started.

I dove back into my room and eyed the journal with a bitter regard.

* * *

I didn't remember a violent side of me. As a human, I was passive rather than aggressive. I observed the world around me, and rarely participated. Given the Jovu and my captivity, that was really the only option. As I thought back to the previous days of high school, friends, homework… it increasingly felt like a different life. Did I want to rip my English teacher's head off for docking points for basic punctuation? Sure. But my idea of death took a very literal turn these days.

Physical violence and aggression was frowned upon. That was the general understanding I had followed throughout my childhood years. Communication, diplomacy, and compromise were the real problem solvers. But now, I saw my physical training as a form of release. The growing emotional frustration was let out within the main circle of the base.

Zack, our trainer, drilled us for an average of eight hours a day, but it wasn't as high intensity as some other groups that I would watch. For one thing, we rarely lost any venom. Sparring was a good word for our limit. Zack would never let us get as far as tearing limbs. Scratches were common, but we kept our fingers on.

Other groups seemed like they were always going for the head. I would hear the tearing of feet, hands, legs, and I recalled one fighter actually managed to decapitate his opponent. Seemingly, the whole camp had stopped what they were doing to watch. And while a part of me felt deep condolences to the beheaded man, I felt a sense of pride at the victor. I wanted to emulate his feeling. I wanted to feel that power.

After physical, came the mental. While other recruits replenished with blood, I would follow two trainers out into the surrounding woods for my "alone" time.

One of the vampires would always possess a gift that couldn't penetrate my shield. Sensory alteration, pain infliction, telepathic communication, and the list could go on. We would measure the radius of my shield and work on expansion. But our work on my expansion began to slow after my meeting with the delegates. Rather than keeping track of the increase in the radius, we began measuring time. How long could I keep the shield expanded to a specific radius? Were there gaps?

Today, my companions were too familiar. Edward and Rosalie.

We sat on the dirt floor in one of the many clearings.

My first instinct was to ask if Jasper had instigated that they help me with my training. Because all of my questions were about the man that killed me. It was obsessive.

Edward frowned once we were settled in. "Has your shield shrunk?"

"No, I keep it at around a 10-foot radius to preserve some sense of sanity. The trainings are wrecking havoc on my brain."

"It's a lot of concentration."

"The expansion's been tough. We're at 50 feet. But we need to focus more on the strength and duration of the protection rather than the radius."

Edward smiled and instructed Rosalie to stand 30 feet out. "Let's continue, then."

After an hour of Rosalie singing songs in her head, and me focusing in on my shield over her, my concentration broke instantly when I sensed a very specific scent approaching.

My eyes opened when I saw two heavy boots halt directly in front of me.

"This is impractical," Jasper said. "Rosalie, take two more steps out. Elise, concentrate. I can still feel her annoyance."

I saw Rosalie shift before I closed my eyes and imagined a growing sphere. I strengthened the core and radiated it outward, making sure I closed all gaps as I did so. I dyed the sphere with coatings of paint, making me focus on the colored liquid covering each section. But instantly, it fell apart. My eyes opened at the incessant snapping in front of me. Jasper's fingers were inches from my face.

"What are you doing?"

"Rosalie's getting more annoyed. I shouldn't be able to feel her. Concentrate."

I closed my eyes, and he continued snapping his fingers. It was my turn to be annoyed. I grabbed his wrist and put his hand down. "Stop that."

He was crouched in front of me. "You're not going to be meditating on the battlefield. If you can't keep your shield focused with a million things happening around you, we're as good as dead."

I wanted to lash out, so I picked a childish response. He always hated that. I stuck my tongue out. "We're already dead, Einstein."

He sighed like an exhausted parent. "I've pointed out your weak spot. Work on it."

"Maybe if you're nicer, she'll be more responsive," Rosalie said. "Isn't that how puppies work?"

"My crate is too small," I jabbed. "I don't get blankets or sun. My owner keeps a tight leash."

Jasper didn't appreciate this at all. "Maybe if you didn't bite, I wouldn't need such extreme measures."

"Don't blame the animal. It's always the owner's responsibility."

Edward looked between us. "Not much has changed, has it?"

I stared at Jasper for a moment before addressing him. "Come snap your fingers in front of my face, Edward. Jasper clearly needs us to simulate a war scenario."

This time, it was Jasper's turn to storm off. And as I watched him walk away, I realized that we had elements of childish behavior that we continuously practiced around one another. Maybe that was our problem.

Edward scooted closer so he was sitting in front of me. "Do you really want me to—"

"No. Can we do something else?" I played with the sparse grass on the ground. "I want to turn off my shield. Is that possible?"

"We can certainly try," Edward said uncertainly.

Rosalie announced that we didn't need her for this, and left promptly.

Edward whispered to me. "She isn't liking the new arrangements."

"Are you?"

"What I feel is often not important when it comes to life or death."

I narrowed my eyes. "Sounds like something Jasper would say."

The concern I saw in his features was odd, and I mentally leaned into the makeshift comfort I saw before me. But his words were harsh. "Do you realize how much you tie yourself to him? You're looking under every rock to find some answer that—in the end—probably will not satisfy you. You're so concerned with what he thinks that you're forgetting yourself. You don't have to be this exhausted all the time, Elise."

"You see how he treats me."

"He's scared."

Bullshit. "You're the empath now?"

He gave me a stern look. "I can read his mind."

That didn't mean anything. "You told me yourself how much of a manipulator he is. I can't trust your gift."

"Why do you want to lower your shield?"

I looked down at the grass. "Do I need a reason?"

I saw vulnerability in his eyes. More than that, I saw fear. I could barely hear him speak. "If you're thinking about turning against the alliance and leaving them defenseless during their moment of truth, you are going down the wrong path."

My eyes widened. Not because I had the black-stained, ill intentions he was proposing, but because I had never thought about betrayal in that greater sense.

"You think I'm capable of that?"

"You are capable of anything."

I closed my eyes. "Let's try."

That day, I spoke to Edward. Not with my voice, but with my thoughts.

* * *

Jasper took me out for food, and I had an important item on our agenda for discussion.

After appropriately disposing the body of a drunken predator, I followed Jasper back on our usual road to the base.

"I'd like to go to Michigan."

He didn't look at me. "No."

"You're not even going to ask why?"

"I know why. Your parents."

Of course he would know where they lived. But maybe I shouldn't make such rash, stalker accusations. Perhaps I had told him. "I need to know if they're alive."

"You told me they were dead."

"I never saw their bodies. I can't be sure."

Tonight was another bad night. Jasper was clearly an undiagnosed bipolar vampire. Some nights, he was calm and collected. Aloof, even. But other times, every little thing agitated him.

"How will that information change your day-to-day life? What are you after?"

And he was also an established sociopath. "Parents. Family. Closure. Do those words mean anything to you?"

"I had to bury my mother. That closure was not what I needed."

I bit my cheek. "Are you telling the truth?"

"Yes, I'm telling the fucking truth."

I paused. "That sounds awful."

"You're not leaving base. I'll go."

"Sorry—what did you say?"

He glanced at me, his expression uninviting. "Yes. I'll figure out if Damon lied to you about your parents."

I knew the question I wanted to ask. _Do I trust your word?_ If my parents were alive, he should anticipate that I would fight my way to Michigan. But I kept my mouth shut.

"Have you began reading?"

"A little."

"I can't forge your handwriting from an honor standpoint. If you're wasting brain energy worrying that I messed with your past, stop."

He had offered to do something nice for me, but his mood was still off. "What happened, today? Are you mad at me because of this afternoon?" Had our interaction during shield training set the tone for his day?

"No."

"Did your car not start this morning? Spill coffee on your favorite shirt? Coworker spreading rumors?"

He took a deep breath, and I watched his shoulders roll back. "If you remembered, you would know that I don't own a car. I did spill blood on a white shirt. I do not believe anyone is spreading any rumors of importance at base."

I could afford to be nice. "What's up, Jasper?"

"Plans don't go as anticipated. It frustrates me."

"Isn't it Alice's job to make sure things are tip-top?"

He looked straight ahead. "I can't trust her."

"I understand. Anything else?"

"You—I don't know what to do with you. It's a mess."

We slowed our pace because we were only a few miles out of base.

"You like me a lot," was all I could say.

"And you don't."

He took my lack of response negatively. "I don't think you can see through the hate. Which is probably what I wanted."

 _Probably?_ "What does that mean?"

"I can't control your emotions. I can't feel them. But I'm certain that I've managed to elicit some very strong feelings."

"Sure. Not very good ones."

"It seems it's for the best."

I was more confused than anything. "You're an asshole because you _want_ me to hate you?"

He stopped. "You don't. You can't hate me. It's just not possible."

Oh, hell. "But you just said—"

"It shouldn't be possible, just given the circumstances."

"Jasper, you are correct when you say that I borderline hate you."

"No." His hands took mine. "That's not how this goes."

I stared at him, looking for a joke, a test, something that would tell me this was crazy. "I don't get what you mean."

"Why did you kiss me?"

Jasper was very conflicted. I could tell by the way he looked at me—the determination and trepidation; his conclusive yet indecisive demeanor. He searched for hope in my eyes, but it only made me angrier.

"You're dreaming," I told him.

"Impossible."

There was something very wrong with this man. I pulled back my hands and closed my eyes, envisioning an imprisoned plastic ball. The cage around it grew tighter and tighter, and it became no more than a spec of dust. I heard his boots crunch on the dirt and opened my eyes to see him take a step back. Eyes wide, he looked passed me. Reading, examining. Feeling.

And then I felt increasingly anxious, restless, and paranoid. These weren't my feelings. Jasper was projecting.

I felt the need to protect myself and envisioned the spec of dust to grow into full form. My cocoon wrapped around me, shielding me from intruders.

Crestfallen, lost. It was odd to associate such words with him.

He stood before me, searching my eyes with delicate hesitation. His frustration from the day had vanished. His anger was nonexistent. There seemed to be a more prying issue he was facing, and it was me.

"Is that really how you feel about me?" His hands reached out, silently asking for permission. I nodded, taken aback by the instant change in emotion. He cradled my face for a moment, then placed a kiss on my temple.

I looked up at him, but he wouldn't look at me.

"I'm sorry," he said.

And then I didn't see him for the next week.

* * *

**A/N: Elise notes the childish behavior she observes. Jasper disappearing is also another example of this behavior.**

**Hope everyone is healthy and well.**


	9. Analysis

Previously:

_"Is that really how you feel about me?" His hands reached out, silently asking for permission. I nodded, taken aback by the instant change in emotion. He cradled my face for a moment, then placed a kiss on my temple._

_I looked up at him, but he wouldn't look at me._

_"I'm sorry," he said._

_And then I didn't see him for the next week._

* * *

**Jasper**

"Just come with me," I demanded angrily.

After pointlessly arguing with me for the past 10 minutes, Peter looked up from his desk and shuffled around some papers. When I was out the door, he was hot on my heel.

My buddy gave me distance and quiet until we reached the Northern Texas border.

"Where are we going?"

"North."

"To…?"

"To waste our time."

The only sound was the dirt crunching beneath us. "Jasper."

"What?" I growled.

"You're projecting."

I reeled it all in, but it was no good. My fist went through the first unfortunate tree I saw. The wood cracked around my hand. "Why doesn't she spend time with Char?"

"Is that the problem?"

"We told her clearly that she would help her through this. Now she's going around with this Claudia girl."

"She doesn't trust us."

We resumed our walk, but Peter wouldn't let up. "Where North?"

"Michigan."

"Recruits?"

"Her parents."

Peter's eyebrows shot up. "Weren't they dead?"

"We're going to find out."

He stepped in front of me, and my reflexes hit the breaks. I hated it when he did that.

"You need to be very careful about what you're thinking, Whitlock."

I sighed, frustrated. "What am I thinking, Peter?"

"You're not using the girl's parents as leverage."

"And have her despise me more than she already does?"

He shook his head, incredulous. "What happened, man?"

I gestured at something I couldn't express. "You were right. She hates me. And I expected that. Hell, she probably hated me as a human until her last few weeks. And then she hated me again when I killed her."

"She—"

"And look, I know this mating bullshit doesn't have to be romantic. But we can't even be civil, Peter. Civil."

"You need to earn her trust."

"She shouldn't trust me."

"Jasper," he insisted. "You need to earn her trust. You think Charlotte doesn't trust me? My own mate?" My silence irritated him further. "I get how you think. If she trusts you, she can trust anyone. It's better if she lives in paranoia. But if that's the road you want to go down, this will be a very painful journey."

"It's for her own good."

"No. It's for your own good. You don't want any part of this. Pushing her away is the best you can do to cater to your cynicism."

"Stop talking."

He didn't. "I'm sick of seeing you like this. Claim your mate or forfeit the right to bitch about it."

"If the alliance knew—"

"I'm not saying you need to scream it from mountaintops. Accept the damn thing. Communicate with your mate."

His words were like an omen. My chest tightened with every step away from Texas. I absently rubbed at the soreness. "She feels this too."

"Probably."

"Then how can she feel such negativity?"

The question was odd even to me. I was the empath. I was the one that sorted through emotions and cracked open personalities. Elise and I were a complicated mess. But if we removed the bond, we would have no reason to even look at each other. And knowing that absolutely sucked.

"Morally, it's a complex arrangement," Peter reasoned.  
"It feels synthetic," I said. "This pre-defined notion that Elise and I need to follow this specific path."

"There is no path. Char and I are married, Jasper. We've developed that relationship over time and we decided that our connection was best this way. You can live your life with your mate and define specific boundaries. You don't have to be hopelessly in love for this to work."

"But it doesn't work."

He rolled his eyes. "If you strip away both of your jabbering, you'll see that you've grown closer during her time in Texas. The progress you've made when she was human does not exist for her. Have you considered that?"

"Yes. Have you considered the power Maria would have if she knew Elise and I were connected in such a way? I joined the alliance under one condition, Peter. I won't fight. I consult. My face needs to be kept away from any clashes with the Volturi. But Maria never liked that. She wants me on the battlefield with the rest of the recruits."

"You don't want to openly declare your affiliation," he stated.

"No. And neither should you. The alliance is strong, but you can't turn your back on the Volturi that easily."

"Well, Major. Take her and run."

"Funny."

"I'm serious. You'll be hunted by both sides, but at least you'll be happy."

"You're wrong. I can't ensure her safety. It's not worth it."

Peter held back his response. He only looked at me.

"What?" I pushed. "You agree?"

"No. It's just intriguing. Jasper Whitlock's finally putting someone else above himself."

* * *

**Elise**

It had been two days since Jasper left me in the outer perimeter of the base. Which meant it had been two days since I'd last had a proper meal.

So when I saw Peter arrive back at camp, I couldn't help but reach out.

I watched him as he greeted some of his associates. Charlotte displayed her affection publicly, giving her husband a light peck on his lips. When he headed towards his room, I intercepted.

"I need some…assistance."

Peter easily understood my predicament, and we were soon on our way to the big city.

"What do people say when I leave camp?" I asked him once we were deep into the trail Jasper and I usually took.

"Should they be saying anything? Anyone can leave camp."

Not everybody was sentenced to the alliance. To my knowledge, I was the only one. "Isn't it suspicious that I leave camp to train my shield again even though I have scheduled training in the morning?"

"You train twice a day. Big deal. People will say what they say. Speculations are tolerable. Admittance is the killer."

Interesting. "So why is it so bad that you let me hunt? The Cullens get special treatment, too."

"The Cullens are known for their diet. It's part of their reputation."

"What about me?"

He sighed. "There is absolutely no reason why Jasper should be accompanying you out of camp. But training is an accepted excuse for most things we do around here."

The man didn't trust me to go on my own. Jasper was a control freak at minimum.

"He can't be known to give special treatment," I begrudgingly acknowledged. "Where is he?"

"He won't be back for a few days. He sent me to make sure you ate." Had he gone to Michigan like he said he would?

"I don't need you to hunt," I sang.

"And I don't have any say on the matter."

Even though they had been away, I knew that Charlotte would rat me out the instant I crossed the flimsy metal fence. So, I remained obedient and waited for someone to feed me. It was ridiculous.

I disposed the body of the criminal of the night. Peter leaned against the wall by the dumpster.

"He cares about you, Elise."

I wiped my lips, staining my sleeve. "I know."

"He does all of this for you. I do, as well."

I scoffed. "Chaperoning me for dinner?"

"Keeping you safe."

Was that how they reasoned through their behavior? "I get that he's obsessed with me. But what's your reason?"

He sighed. "Jasper's my friend. A good one. Don't pretend you're entirely empty towards him, either."

I wanted to punch this man. His assumptions were insulting. "Never tell me what to feel. I'll tell you what I feel: Jasper can disappear for eternity and I wouldn't go looking for him. He needs to sort out some very serious issues, and he can leave me the hell alone."

* * *

I ate my words slowly, but carefully over the next few days. I hadn't seen Jasper in almost a week, and my chest stung. My anxiety skyrocketed, and I felt myself fixating on the look on his face right before he left. The sorrow and hopelessness I envisioned filled me with dread.

Emmett plopped down next to me as I watched my two trainers disappear back into camp.

"How was training?" He chimed.

"Good."

He waited a good two minutes to make sure we were completely alone before speaking. "I heard you lowered your shield."

I had, and Jasper's reaction was permanently burned into my mind. "Yeah. Jasper didn't take it very kindly."

"Why?"

"I don't think he liked my feelings."

"Which are…"

I hugged my knees closer to my chest and frowned at him. "Not great. Maybe I led him on."

"Is that so?"

I picked at some grass. "We kissed."

"Cute."

That's all he would give me? "Say more. Please."

"Alright. What's bothering you?"

I was killing handfuls of grass by the second. "The look he gave me before he left. I don't know why it scares me."

"Sounds like you hurt him. What a little heartbreaker."

I smacked him lightly on his arm. "Out of everyone, I feel a very strong kinship towards you, Emmett. Maybe because you're not as judgmental as the rest."

"Oh, I judge. Everyone does. Maybe I built a good foundation when you were human."

"Does that imply that Jasper didn't?"

He started pulling on the grass with me. "Man, who is this Jasper guy? You sure talk about him a lot."

I did. It was embarrassing and highly hypocritical. His absence was bringing out an obsession within me.

"My chest hurts. I am a vampire with panic disorder."

His eyes softened. "Sure, kid. It happens to the best of us."

* * *

"You must miss your husband," I remarked as Esme and I took a nightly stroll, following the metal fence around the perimeter of camp.

I knew she wanted to go on a hunt, but she was also highly aware of my _obligations_ at camp.

"I do," she replied with a kind smile. "He's doing some great things. The Volturi was his past."

"And now he's destroying their future."

She looked up to the darkening sky in consideration. "The world keeps turning, the centuries keep passing. The universe keeps evolving, and expanding. But the Volturi remain the same. That is the reason we need change."

I thought back to another form of change. Her change. And my curiosity grew as I searched for common ground between us.

"Do you resent Carlisle for what he did?"

She didn't seem to understand my question. "I'm sorry?"

"He killed you. He took your right to die a human death. He took away everything."

I could see that she hadn't been prepared for this question. "I was already dying," she spoke slowly. "I don't resent him for saving me."

I nodded, processing. She examined me, then put forth her observation. "But you have such feelings regarding Jasper."

"Carlisle saved you. Jasper couldn't save me from himself."

"He didn't lose control. He made a decision to change you earlier than you had agreed. He acted without your consent."

What was her point here? "So, if you were in my position, you wouldn't resent him for all of that?"

She dodged the question. "I believe he changed you for a reason. Have you ever asked him why?"

"No." A deep frown graced my lips, and it grew deeper the more I realized how much I brought him back into conversation. "I'm sorry—he's gone. And I feel like he left because of me. And I just keep talking about him. I'm sorry."

I felt her hand on my arm. "No, sweetie. Don't be sorry. You're looking for ways to justify your feelings towards him, but you're also a good person."

I glanced at her touch, then dipped back into memory lane.

_There is no good and bad, Elise. The justice system will condemn you for your actions, but none of that defines your character. When you let yourself emotionally attach to someone based on these binary definitions, it means nothing. You need to get ahead of the defaults that your brain will try to push you towards. If you don't, you will be stuck trying to make logical decisions based entirely on your emotions._

These were Jasper's words. But what was the context? Our relationship? From his perspective, it sure seemed like logical reasoning outweighed any emotion. Yet, good and bad didn't exist. He lived in the gray, which let him reason through his behavior.

Emotional attachment was something he condemned, which meant he pushed me away even as a human. And it was probably the same with the Cullens.

I thought about the last journal entry I read.

_He doesn't like it here. He stays for security. His feelings don't matter to him—his livelihood does._

"I have some feelings that make no sense to me. But what does make sense are the facts, and the facts make me angry. Logically, Jasper is a monster. And given all that you've found out about your _son_ , you seem to have no problem with it. Why?"

She took a moment to compose herself. "I can't change the past. Morally, I agree with you; what Jasper has done with women, the lifestyle he continued to pursue, and his lack of remorse definitely hits a nerve. As someone who has seen him as a son, it's a type of betrayal that sticks with you. But also as someone who sees him as a son, I know how children behave, and I can't take that to heart."

"He's a grown man, Esme. Don't give me that."

She looked at me with great fondness. "Jasper doesn't talk a lot about himself. He observes outward and comments on his interpretations of whatever surrounds him. He is an expert with others' feelings, but he struggles with his own. There's a superiority complex that he has a tough time beating. Trust me, I know how much he looks down on our diet, but he puts up with it. He put up with it for decades. And he did what every teenager would do given an unfavorable situation—he rebelled."

I couldn't bring myself to see Jasper as a rebellious teenager. "Are you sure that your psychoanalysis is correct?"

She laughed. "I'm simply commenting on what I've seen in him."

"It's interesting to me how you viewed him as part of your family."

"Why is that interesting?"

It was contradictory in so many ways. "I've been reading a journal that I allegedly kept during my time as a human with your family."

"I'm familiar with the journal. I've seen you write in it many times."

"I don't think Jasper sees you as a family. According to what I wrote, he has this whole notion that it's a game of numbers. That a coven only serves as protection."

She nodded. "I won't deny that Jasper added that benefit to our family, as well. He's powerful, and he holds up a reputation that he has built during his time in the South. But you know what? He came to us with Alice—lost and searching for something bigger than war and death. I'd like to think we provided something for him that he needed: a safe haven that he could come back to, no matter the consequences."

I bit my lip. "It sounds like there should have been consequences for his actions."

Esme only shrugged. "I can anticipate his response to that: he's just practicing his vampirism."  
I chuckled lowly. "Yeah, I can see that. Our morals clash, but I think I'm beginning to understand the way he sees things. That doesn't mean I can forgive him, though."  
Mama Cullen smiled. "I don't think he wants your forgiveness. Perhaps this is harsh to say, but I don't think he's sorry for what he did to you. However, I think giving him your understanding will move mountains."

I took a deep breath and inhaled the sweet aroma of nature around me. "Understanding your killer. It's a tough job."

"There you are," Rosalie announced, appearing between two trees. She addressed Esme. "Carlisle's back tomorrow. Just heard from Zack." She kept pace with us. "Emmett's told me you're moping because your puppet master's on vacation."

"Rosalie," Esme warned. "Be nice."

"I am. In fact, I'll be even nicer. Elise, I think you need to hop this fence right now."

I glanced at Esme. "Excuse me?"

"I don't like the way you're treated here. You can't even leave camp? That's messed up."

 _Thank you._ "I don't disagree."

"Yeah. So what's the worst that could happen? He can't hurt you. He already killed you."

There was absolutely no guarantee that Jasper wouldn't hurt me. "He's been gone for almost a week."

"Sounds like the perfect time."

Rosalie's fire was enticing, I would give her that. But I wasn't stupid. Running would be a mistake. The consequences outweighed the brief sliver of freedom.

"It's more worth it to me to stick it out for next five months. He'll let me go then."

"Why wait that long?"

Punishment. "If I leave before, he'll extend my sentence."

"What a dick."

"Tell me about it," I muttered. "I appreciate your concern, Rosalie."

"Oh, honey. It's just sad."

Rosalie was Emmett's close companion, and I would have thought our relationship would be closer. But my journal reflected the opposite.

"Rosalie, you didn't like me much as a human."

"No," she said easily. "You were a threat to our family. You still are."

I paused. "I've made some mistakes."

Esme put a hand on both of our shoulders. "We cannot change the past, girls. If we're going to get out of this, we need to move forward."

A feeling bubbled up within me. Sincerity. "I'm sorry, Rosalie."

She gave me a little nod. "Me too. You have enough crap to deal with."

Esme pulled her daughter away to go on a hunt, and I dragged my feet all the way to my room.

I pulled out the journal from the locked desk drawer and continued from where I left off. Slowly, and steadily, I let the information sink into the lost boxes in my brain.

Flipping the very last page, I followed my written sentences until they were left mid-thought. Confused, I flipped back to the previous page.

My head snapped up in realization.

He hadn't even tried to hide it.

I was missing pages.

* * *

**A/N: There's communication happening with external parties. Where did Jasper go?**

**Question for you: What do you think of Jasper and Elise's relationship now compared to when Elise was human?**


	10. Heart Conditions

Previously:

_My head snapped up in realization._

_He hadn't even tried to hide it._

_I was missing pages._

* * *

**Jasper**

I threw the duffel bag at her feet and promptly started to walk away. Perhaps my ignorance wasn't the behavior she expected after my absence, because she didn't seem to like it.

She picked up the bag and advanced close behind me. I turned around to face her, making sure she was perfectly aware that we were in the middle of camp.

"I need to practice," she gritted out.

It was past her usual time for dinner. Hadn't Peter taken her out?

"Tomorrow."

She stood her ground. "I _need_ to practice."

" _Tomorrow."_

But her weapon was deadly. Her shield came tumbling down, and her feelings crashed into me. The hostility was unprecedented, and it took me by surprise. I would have expected her to calm down after a few days and develop light hints of anxiety due to the bond. But there was none of that.

Minimal anxiety.

Absence of calm.

Betrayal.

Rage.

I motioned for her to take the lead. She, apparently, didn't play games.

We were a few miles from the city when she turned around and continued her battle.

"Do you expect me to trust you?"

I had missed her voice, no matter how venomous. My fingers found her chin. "Hello to you too, sweetheart."

She turned her head sharply to avoid my touch. "Answer my question."

"I have never expected that of you. Actually, I've advised highly against it."

She stared at me with judgement and disbelief. If she hadn't pulled her shield up, I'd probably be on my knees with the amount of distaste thrown at me. "I'm missing pages."

The journal. It all came together, and her reaction made sense. I put a smile on my face. "So, you've gone through all of it. What did you think?"

"All of it? Where are the missing pages?"

"They contain information that you aren't ready for."

She crossed her arms. "You don't get to decide that."

"I guess I do," I grabbed a section of her hair and twirled it around my fingers. "I'm the one that took your memory away."

"You think you have the right to withhold information from me?"

"Just the last few pages."

She grasped my fingers to stop me. "That would be… right before you killed me. What happened?"

I wasn't ready for this. But when would I ever be? I veered the conversation to a more important topic. "Did you look into your bag? It may be important."

She dropped the duffel bag in front of us and eyed me warily before zipping it open.

"There were no bodies in the house," I said, addressing her request for the search of her parents. "But the place was torn apart."

Elise wasn't human anymore, but I saw her throat swallow in anticipation… fear? It was odd to see such humanizing behavior. The mention of her parents took her back to a different time. She repeated what she heard, almost to herself. "No bodies."

"Take that how you will."

Her hands reached in to pull out items. A jewelry box. Pens. Albums. A stuffed animal.

She was on her knees, crouched over various trinkets. "These are mine."

"Yes."

She looked up at me. "You did go."

"I knew you wouldn't trust my word. Here is evidence."

Her brows furrowed at my words, and her expression went between confusion and gratitude. "You know I don't trust you, but you still manage to take steps back. Why?"

She stood from her prized possessions, and she expected an answer.

"I tore out those pages long ago."

"Why?"

I ran a hand through my hair. "Because I thought you weren't ready."

"For what? What more could there possibly be?"  
She must have sensed my indecision. Her anger rarely worked, so she tried another angle. She same closer until her scent was all that I breathed. "It won't kill you to tell me the truth. Just once."

My silence invited her in. Her hands ran down my arms, then came up to rest on my chest. Indecisively, she crawled them up to my neck, then back down.

I stood, unsure. "What are you doing?"

"I don't know. It's always weird when I touch you. I thought maybe it would be better than lowering my shield."

I grabbed her waist and held her in place. "Better for what?"

"To get you to speak. The shield thing—" She averted my eyes. "That only made you leave."

It was my turn to stare at the trees. "I'm used to you being a blank wall. What you did caught me off guard." I pushed a lock of her hair back behind her ear. "And it pissed me off a little that you would even practice leaving yourself defenseless."

"I don't think I was the defenseless one."

I stared into her eyes, searching for something I didn't want. "It's hard to take that much hate from you."

I didn't deserve the way her eyes softened. "It's hard when you leave."

Her tone and her words stung, but not in a bad way. It was electrifying to hear the need she probably didn't want to express.

"Tell me the truth," she whispered after a while. "Please."

"I can give you some truth. Remember when you were running West from New York? And you ran into me?"

She frowned slightly. "Sure, remind me of more dishonesty."

"I didn't want to bring you to Texas. Peter taunted me endlessly about coming to get you."

"I remember," she said. "He threatened to take me to… Virginia?"

"Peter wouldn't put you into danger. I came to see you. That's all I wanted."

She looked up at me. "Then why did you do this?"

"You alluded that Damon wanted to bring you to the Volturi. I couldn't have you running around aimlessly knowing that the kings were hunting you down. You're safer here."

She hesitated when she pulled away, an unconvinced look in her eye.

"You need to trust me when I say that this is the only way I can keep you safe."

"What am I missing in those pages?"

"A conversation for another day."

"Jasper," she insisted.

"Ask me anything but this. Not now," I breathed. "Please."

She searched my eyes carefully. "I don't understand."

"You don't have to."

She thought for a while. "Maybe there's something you could do, then. I want to join Kate's group."

Absolutely not. "You're not ready."

Her smile was challenging. "I can show you how ready I am. You ready to lose another arm?"

My smile was non-existent. "You want to be ripped apart alongside Kate's recruits?"

"I want to train for the worst-case. Sparring is ridiculous. We're going into war."

She was completely right, but I couldn't have her torn apart. "No."

"Missing pages, or transfer me to Kate. Come on, Whitlock. I don't have all night."

She constantly backed me into corners. Her strength was undeniable, and I wanted to bend to her will. So, I questioned her instead. "What did you think of what you've read?"

She frowned, but remained personable. "It was like reading a book. I understood the character, and I could reason through her feelings. But she wasn't me."

No, she wasn't. "I cared for human you."

"And you don't care for vampire me."

I chuckled, admiring her face and our proximity. "Obviously."

Her smile made the dark night just a little brighter. "We were on a journey. Romantically. It ended pretty abruptly for you."

"Well. Decisions led to actions, which led to consequences. Nothing is ever unpunished." I examined her eyes carefully, then determined my next action. "I'll talk to Kate."

Her eyes brightened, then focused in on the duffel bag. She knelt down beside it. Her hands ran over her items from a previous life, and the more she lingered, the more distant her expression became. "Did I talk a lot about my family? I didn't write a lot about them."

"We didn't talk much about them," I told her. "I was unresponsive when you brought them up. You didn't like that."

She thought for a moment. "You don't like to waste time talking about closed books."

"Not at all. You told me they were dead; I didn't see why we needed to dwell any further."

Her hands played with the zipper. "They're probably dead."

"Probably. Or Damon took them and kept them alive, which would be unfortunate."

She sighed, brimming with solemnity. "My dad had a heart condition."

I sat next to her. "And your mom?"

"Just arthritis. Not the worst."

Her brain was probably firing thoughts at a mile a minute. "What are you thinking?"

She only had to say one word. "Damon."

Given the details, her father would have needed continuous medication for his heart. Damon, a man of presumed medical intelligence, could have anticipated that. But in either case, given just the medical history of Elise's parents, her mother would have the most chance of surviving.

"Tell me more about them," I offered.

"They seem like a distant memory," she shook her head. "But I wrote about them… little details that really shouldn't matter—but I wrote about them."

She had, and I had told her to.

"I remember my dad having this very specific meal plan for the days of the week. We had to have baked potatoes on Fridays, no matter the main meal. Tuesdays were soup days. We never had breakfast on Sundays—only brunch and brunch foods. Mom had done her best to cater to these requests. It was actually pretty enjoyable."

I gave her my patience as she continued. "They weren't always nice to each other. My dad wasn't an easy person. He was obsessively meticulous with everything. Time, money, garage organization. It drove me insane. But they were kind to the world. They had perspectives that made sense to me as a teenager, and we had a solid, yet distant relationship."

"Solid, yet distant?"

"I think people expect an only child to be closer to their parents because they're really all they have when they grow up. But eventually, it becomes suffocating. And we do a lot to get away from them, which creates a wedge between us. It never meant that I didn't love them—it was just strictly parent-child. I wasn't best friends with my parents."

I nodded when she looked at me.

"I don't know," she rambled. "You'd probably think they were a little dull."

"Not for the reasons you might think. I find humans in general to be… bland. You should've seen Edward's human"

"The one you killed."

I nudged her knee with mine. "I was just helping him move on to bigger and better things."

"You were human once. That doesn't bring any sympathy or understanding? I'm sure you were very uninteresting as a human."

"Probably," I agreed. "It's circumstantial. If you're poor, and you win the lottery—you end up moving into a new stage of your life. Your interests and activities change. Perhaps the people you associate with are different. You look back at your previous life and see it as a distant haze. You start disassociating from that person you were. You might even mentally depersonalize the poor and reject you were ever that person."

"So, you reject that you were once human?"

"I don't openly reject it, obviously. It's amazing how the brain processes change. It can ignore the details that matter, and even replace them with false memories that'll simply make your brain happier. In your case, you've lost a lot of those details."

The air around us shifted with the wind. And so did the mood.

"Trauma is a form of change," she said. "I just wish I forgot about Damon, as well. Why did I only lose you?"

It was a great question. "I talked to Carlisle a lot about this. You had compared me to Damon, but I'd like to think our relationship was different. You cared about me, and given everything I put you through, I don't think you ever expected that I would actually kill you. You had a sense of immunity because of your gift. And you were right—it would have been a waste to kill you off completely."

Her voice was distant. "You still see me as a weapon."

"A weapon is an object that loses monetary and functional value over time with physical depletion and technological advances. None of that applies to you."

"Tell me you didn't change me just to use me."

I drew closer to her because her anger was beginning to bubble, and I didn't need to feel her to see it. "This might be hard to understand, but I killed you to protect you. You would not survive my world as a human."

"I want to know why you want to protect me."

She was searching for malicious answers where there were none. She wanted me to say that I wanted her in one piece so I could throw her into the battlefield. But I wanted the exact opposite.

I slowly grabbed her hand, fully aware of her statement denying any unapproved touch. The fact that she welcomed it made this easier. I pressed my lips to her knuckles. "Let me track Damon for your parents. I'll talk to Kate for your new arrangements."

I read the conflict in her eyes. "It's bad, isn't? Whatever you're hiding from me."

"No, Elise. It's just bad for me. Give me some more time."

* * *

**A/N: I like this. A gentler conversation. We see Jasper trying, even a little. He clearly doesn't want to talk about the pages. Is he being sincere by helping her open up, or is he simply just trying to avoid the main topic at hand?**


	11. Hearsay

Previously:

_I read the conflict in her eyes. "It's bad, isn't? Whatever you're hiding from me?"_

_"No, Elise. It's just bad for me. Give me some more time."_

* * *

**Jasper**

The one good thing about Rosalie was that she was always an unchanging constant in my life.

Predictable.

Sour.

And painfully nosy.

"Where have you been?"

It was nightfall with gorgeous stars blinking to life. We walked towards the deep forestry. "Out."

"Right." She stepped over a large tree trunk. "Is that what you told us when you left for weeks on end?"

Sour, indeed. "It never seemed like a problem for the family."

"We gave you your space."

Was that their definition of neglect? "I blended in enough to disappear."

Whatever had been brewing in her was coming out. "I liked you, Jasper. You were the closest thing to a brother to me."

She wanted an apology? "What do you want me to say?"

"That you were never a Cullen."

My lips twitched at that. "I'm a weapon that your family has utilized very thoroughly over the years. Hell, I killed Bella Swan with zero repercussions. I suppose you never cared for the girl."

"Yeah, and we shouldn't have given you a second human to toy with. We really went and broke your reward mechanism. But you didn't kill Bella on purpose."

"Doesn't mean that I didn't want to."

Her face twisted into a scowl. She was less beautiful with her emotions bogging her down. "Tell me you slipped up. Tell me you didn't want to kill her. Fuck, you have no regrets, do you?"

"I regret that I took Swan the way I had if it makes you feel better. It was unplanned. Risky."

"And Alice deserved none of that."

I glowered. "She knew."

"She protected you for no damn reason."

This woman was a waste of my time. "Are you out here to hunt? Because I'm heading into the city, and I know the meals there are too scandalous for you."

Rosalie continued her analysis. "Your eyes were always tinted. Carlisle said it was because of all those years of human blood."

"I commend Papa Cullen. He made my job way easier than I deserved."

She shook her head, and I felt her disbelief. "I feel absolutely played. How dare you?"

I shrugged. "You see what you don't like, and you lash out. This was always me, Rosalie. I just don't have to pretend anymore."

"Should I be happy for you?"

"No," I smiled. "It's not in your nature to be happy for anyone else."

She shoved me. "We loved you. Did that mean anything? You were part of the family. You were a Cullen."

I scoffed. "What do you think being a Cullen means? Gathering around deer remnants with a play on Kumbaya?"

"Family. _Family._ "

"We were lucky to pick our family. Most don't. We consisted of the gifted, and the resourceful. The Volturi couldn't touch us." I thought for a moment. "How much crap did you give Alice for holding out on you all this time?"

"None. She protected you because she cared about you, as we did. Her mistake, and our mistake."

I considered that. "Your conscience was always heavier than your ego. A dire weakness."

"And now you have her locked away watching decisions? Is that the punishment she deserves?"

I rolled my eyes. "You can't lock away a vampire. She's free to roam, but she has strict reporting rules. Maria's an obsessive control freak."

She regarded me from the corner of her eye. "Elise says the same about you."

I took a deep, cold breath. "Elise says a lot of things."

"And so do people. The whispers around camp are pretty incriminating."

"Gossip."

"With a very tasty element of truth. There's speculation that you and Elise do more than just train."

I sighed. Sex would always be an interesting conjecture. "Inevitable. A lot of trainers keep up relationships with their recruits. It's not uncommon."

"The suspicion's there. Why not use it?"

My eyes dared for her to continue her thought. "Use it?"

Hers narrowed to a challenge. "What are you afraid of?"

"The world is more than just a stupid bond."

" _Who_ are you afraid of?" Her eyes widened. "Maria?"

I knew I couldn't talk my way out of that one, so I increased my pace. Rosalie kept up with an irritated glint in her eye. And she knew exactly where to push. "You know what's sad? After a century, you're still running from that bitch. You won't claim your mate because you're scared of the power it will give her."

I glared at her. "Keep your voice down."

"Because Elise will hear? You've locked her into a pathetic fence, Jasper. She doesn't have the free will to follow us out here."

"You don't know anything."

"You're a coward."

Her anger fueled mine. "You're in my camp. You're under my protection. Choose your descriptors carefully."

"Fine," she bit out. "Psychopath, murderer, hypocrite. It's what your mate knows you by, too."

"Listen to me," I grabbed her arm. "I don't care if Emmett hunts me down for the rest of our miserable lives, but I will tear you from limb to limb if it will get you to shut up."

Now, she was smiling, and she whispered tauntingly. "Psychopath."

I let her go more roughly than I should have and walked away. Because that's all I could ever do.

"You've been fighting your whole life to not be anyone's puppet," she called out. "It's a shame you can never escape your maker."

My hands balled into fists and my feet stopped moving. The wind shifted, and I felt a male presence.

Edward. Cautious eyes, examining deep into my soul. "Jasper, don't do something you'll regret."

He stood in front of his sister in a straight, protective stance.

"I don't need you to protect me, Edward," Rosalie growled, as I imagined how delicate it would feel to rip her tiny head off.

"Elise loves Emmett," he spoke to me directly. "Don't ruin your relationship with him. Don't make her pick between you."

If I killed her best friend's mate, could she really hate me more than she currently did? "She'd pick me."

Doubt laced his tone. "Would she?"

"We haven't been perfect" I argued. "But I've been good to her."

I let her hunt her way. I plowed through Michigan snow to dig through her parents' rubble of a house. I brought her mementos from her childhood. I was good.

"Please," Rosalie rolled her eyes, then stared me down. "Tell her she can run, and I can guarantee that she wouldn't even look back. I'm sick of hearing about you abusing women."

"Stop muddying the waters with your past," I sneered. "This isn't about you."

"No," she agreed. "It's about Maria. Why don't you retaliate? She deserves everything you should be throwing at her. Yet you're working right beside her."

Edward's gaze hardened as she looked between us. "Why Maria, Jasper?"

"The alliance is more than just Maria."

He shook his head. "You see some sort of correlation, don't you? Maria ruined you. And you did the same to Elise."

"No."

"You're maintaining neutrality with your maker. And you hope Elise at least ends up in the same position with you."

I took a few steps back. The comparison stung. My anger boiled and I was probably projecting. A fleeting thought of killing Rosalie had been on my mind, which had drawn Edward into a very unnecessary conversation. Killing a Cullen would be a waste, and the amount of suspicion regarding an unprovoked internal execution would not be worth the hassle.

"Neutrality is not in the cards. She'll hate me, or she'll love me, and those are her only options."

"Yeah?" Rosalie cocked her head to the side. "And how do you feel about the girl?"

"She's done more damage in a few months than Maria did in decades." I looked at Edward. "Is Carlisle back?"

He frowned, looked back at his sister, then at me. "Just got back. Why?"

"Good. Keep your mouths shut."

Rosalie went around her brother to stop me. "There's no way you can avoid this. You're making a mistake."

I moved past her. "I appreciate your concern."

"Stop doing this to her."

I turned back so I could look her straight in her pretty golden eyes. "She is here, and she is protected. I don't agree, but I respect her morality enough to make arrangements for her diet. She is still a newborn who needs training and guidance, which I am doing my best to provide. And given your concern, I don't touch her unless she lets me. So, what exactly am I doing that's really messing you up, Rosalie?"

With her lips pursed, she watched me walk away.

Fuck, I needed to eat.

* * *

I found Carlisle the day after and requested that he help prepare an outline of the Volturi's current guard. He followed me a few miles out of camp before I stopped us.

"I do need that outline, but I need something else from you today."

He nodded sharply and I led him on a journey that took us further West to Arizona. Our feet crunched over branches as dirt turned to grass, then back to dirt. We were far from civilization when we came upon on a cabin.

Carlisle eyed me warily. "I don't condone your practices, Jasper, and I won't be an accomplice."

His assumptions were valid. "I know."

I knew that he could sense the humans that were inside, and he shifted uncomfortably. "Why am I here?"

"I need your expertise."

Rattling the front door elicited groans from inside. The cabin's living room was mostly empty with just a few bare mattresses lying around, one propped up against a wall. There were four bedrooms that were firmly locked. The smells were the first thing that hit us, but it wasn't hard to get used to. Carlisle's medical background should have prepared him for this.

"Hello?" A weak feminine voice came from one of the rooms, followed by a low, long groan.

I unlocked that door and let the doctor in. The woman was alone, lying on a mattress with torn sheets. Her dark hair was a knotted mess, her clothes drenched in sweat. The blue bucket beside her was filled with vomit. "Please…"

Carlisle knelt down to her level and put a hand on her forehead. The woman stiffened at his cool touch.

"Fever," he murmured. "She's shivering."

"Please…" she croaked when Carlisle's hand left her. He stood, seemingly unsure of what to make of the situation.

"I'll need bloodwork," he said finally. "I'll need my equip—"

I held up a hand. "No, you won't. She'll be dead by the time you're back."

I went over to the cracked bedside table and opened the drawer. Three syringes—two full, and one a quarter full.

"I haven't been able to get this right," I told him, holding out the partially filled needle. "They die. Either they turn or their body gives out."

"Is that—"

"No." I had anticipated his question—it was an important one. "Not my venom."

Carlisle took a moment to compose himself. "What exactly is your purpose here?"

"I need to replicate the Jovu's experiments."

"They had a full-fledged lab."

And I had a cabin. Multiple, in fact. What was his point? "They also had venom, which we also have plenty of."

"It was illegal and highly dangerous."

I looked down at the woman growing paler by the second. "We're rewriting what the term legal means. This should excite you, Carlisle. You're all for venomous experiments."

He looked grim. "This is for the alliance?"

"What else would it be for?"

The doctor frowned, putting his hand back on the woman's forehead.

I turned towards the door. "If you think you'll be able to turn around her progression, be my guest. From the evidence I've gathered, the fever is a bad sign." I looked down at the bucket. "And so is throwing up dinner."

"I need proper equipment."

The cabin experience wasn't good enough for him. It wasn't good enough for any of the Cullens. "I bet the alliance will be okay with allocating some funds."

"You haven't told them?" His concern was warranted.

"I'm pitching it to them this afternoon."

* * *

The group of delegates were always tight-lipped about meeting times, dates, and locations. We met at odd hours in abandoned buildings all across the country. If our recruit count was low enough, I would have even suggested to move around our bases. But we were growing in numbers by the day, and it would have taken too much coordination.

Today's meeting was four hours South of my Arizona cabin. I left Carlisle with the vomiting, fever-ridden woman, plus the two others who were on the brink of their death. I told him to study them. If he could save them enough to balance their cell levels, great. If not, I would be back to deal with the dying. None would be allowed to turn without a promise of a gift.

"There was news that the Volturi interfered with a biological experiment run by the Jovu clan." I began the meeting, sitting beside Peter and Maria. "The group was quickly disbanded, and most of their subjects were killed."

I noted how certain delegates nodded at the statement. The Volturi's raids were a popular item of discussion in the vampiric community.

"The purpose of these experiments were unclear, but certain rumors came around that the Jovu were trying to trigger gifts in the humans they were experimenting on. Certain rumors say they had succeeded."

Maria turned her head towards me. "Rumors?"

I opened my mouth, but a female delegate jumped in. "I've heard about this. They injected humans with a very small amount of venom, and some developed gifts."

Another delegate spoke up. "Is this method proven?"

I smiled inwardly. The one thing the vampiric community unfortunately lacked was a base of scientific process. "I would classify the results as rumors, but with enough severity that they should not be ignored."

Murmurs broke out. I let the room discuss, question, and argue. This would be a promising experiment for the alliance, and I needed them to see the value.

"Let's say we begin some experimentation." An older-looking gentleman clasped his hands together on the ruined table. "How would this unfold?"

"We have at least one member with known medical expertise. Carlisle Cullen. I think it would be best to put him as head of this project. We will need to set up a secure location with any medical instruments he would need."

"And humans," Maria added.

I nodded. "From a strategy stand-point, adding to our arsenal will only benefit us. I'm sure all of you can see the advantages of turning only the gifted."

Maria's fingers drummed on the table. And from her distant stare across the room, I could already read her pleasure.

"Invite Carlisle to the next meeting," she said decidedly. "We should iron out these details, and make a final decision."

"Do we know of any ex-Jovu members? Were they all executed?" A female delegate questioned.

"Aro wouldn't give them that pleasure," a delegate remarked gruffly. "He probably sentenced them for a few centuries."

Their curiosity here was important. "Damon Vouvali, an ex-Jovu, was the mastermind behind the experiments, I'm told," I said.

Maria drew a finger over her lower lip in consideration. "Well, there's no harm in trying to find Mr. Vouvali, is there?"

"There absolutely is." A member who hadn't spoken interjected. "We can't waste time tracking a source with evidence as good as hearsay."

Oh, they were right. There was absolutely no basis to my proposal, and the only thing going for me was my reputation I had built around contributing a shield to the cause.

Maria tapped her feet with impatience. "We'll discuss with Carlisle's input next time. And Major Whitlock, maybe you can refine your evidence."

* * *

**A/N: I cannot say this enough. Jasper is an unreliable narrator.**

**How do you think Elise would feel given the events turning in Jasper's world?**


	12. Ropes

Previously:

_Maria tapped her feet with impatience. "We'll discuss with Carlisle's input next time. And Major Whitlock, maybe you can refine your evidence."_

* * *

**Elise**

The first day, I watched.

Kate ran her training like clockwork. Pairs were assigned the day before, and everyone was aware of the schedule enough to swiftly transition between drills. While Zach broke up any sparring that tended towards an actual fight, Kate insisted that we go for venom. She wanted to see cracked skin, torn limbs, and venom shed. "This is war," she kept telling us. "This is reality."

Claudia met up with me by our rooms. "She's great, isn't she?"

I looked over at Kate, who was talking animatedly with another recruit about venom replenishment. She was a small woman with reddish brown hair and firm, bright red eyes.

"A little terrifying," I admitted.

"I'm glad you transferred. It was about time."

Claudia had moved up to Kate's group a week before I had brought up the topic with Jasper.

We watched recruits go by as we sat on the ground. Claudia outstretched her right leg, massaging right below her hip.

"How did it feel?" I asked her, gesturing down to her leg. She had lost her leg a few days ago in an intense session with her assigned partner.

"Like absolute shit. I couldn't stand straight, and I had to crawl out of the circle. The embarrassment was worse than the pain."

"How long did it take for it to reattach?"

She smiled tightly. "Only a few hours. The immediate blood helped a lot. Have you lost anything yet?"

"No. Is it weird that I want to? I want to be prepared for…" I summoned Kate's words. "…reality."

"It's very disarming—no pun intended. Mentally, it's something you need to be prepped for. This is why Kate runs her trainings the way she does."

My back straightened when I sensed Jasper enter the base's vicinity. He'd been gone for a few days, and I felt strangely content to have him accompany me for dinner instead of Peter.

"I should go," I told my friend.

"Alright," she said, clearly aware of my shift in demeanor.

I owed her no explanation, but I still gave her one. "My shield is more important than my ability to decapitate."

"Sure."

My eyes narrowed. "Claudia?"

She only shrugged. "People are talking. Major Whitlock is a delegate member, which means he holds a huge level of authority."

I stood up and looked down at her, brushing off dirt from my jeans. "If I could train with anyone else, I would. I don't particularly like his authority."

"Have you talked to Kate about making different arrangements?"

"No."

"You have a say in who you train with, Elise."

No, I didn't. "Goodnight, Claudia."

* * *

Jasper and I took our time heading to the city. He looked me over once we were far enough from base. "Glad to see that you're in one piece."

"Kate only had me watch today."

The tightness in my chest eased as the world grew silent and serene. I listened to his footsteps beside me, letting the rhythm sway me into an easy pace.

There was something in me that threw tantrums at his absence, but there was also a part of me who breathed a deep sigh of relief. The peace I felt at that moment with him by my side was something I didn't want to lose. At best, it was a moment of calm. At worst, it was a growing addiction, with just a dash of curiosity.

"Where do you go?" I asked him.

"Lots of places," he told me. "I'm the alliance's errand-boy."

I chuckled. "I don't believe that."

His shoulders relaxed at my words, and an easy smile appeared on his lips. "The Volturi were always the only choice we had when it came to order and regulation. They govern over a specific set of laws, and issue justice when needed. They hold meetings and appoint tasks within the Volturi Guard. Well, the alliance's operations are no different."

We walked for a while, and I could already sense the change in the air. Tonight, Jasper was his more favorable self.

"But sometimes," he continued. "It feels like you want to say, _to hell with it all, a_ nd just disappear. Be wild. Unhinged. Lawless. Refute the documentation and reporting. Halt the unraveling of the red tape. Answer to yourself, and to yourself only."

"Oh?" I grinned with intrigue. "And why can't you do that?"

His smile dimmed, and his eyes fixated on the dirt we kept beating down with our feet. "There's strength in numbers. Being on your own is risky, especially now that the average coven size has reached about six."

He took a moment, then sighed. "There's just so much bullshit, Elise. Playing family just to guarantee your livelihood is ridiculous."

"But are you still playing family with the alliance?"

I wasn't aware of how piercing my question was. Jasper didn't respond to it, but I could feel him pulling away.

"Did I say something wrong?"

He shook his head. "You probably don't remember this, but you asked me why I stayed with the Cullens. You said I was better than that. But you couldn't have known the strategy that came with our arrangement. Carlisle's familial love was a facade that kept us together and alive."

I picked up from his point. "And the alliance is no different."

"I don't have to call the delegates my brothers or sisters. We don't feign a sense of togetherness or bond."

"And yet…"

"And yet," he continued. "The system is slow. It's bogged down by paperwork and politics. We're overtaking an archaic rule, but we're not that much different from it."

"Okay," I said. "Then why do you stay?"

His answer came out weak, and tired. "Numbers."

Jasper's sense of survival came before anything. Even his own wants and comforts.

"So, ideally you would not even associate with the alliance."

He thought for a while, and his tone strengthened. "Ideally, I'd travel the whole world alone. I'd kill without consequence. No one would keep a record of my behavior or history. My scars wouldn't scare the few I cared about, and they wouldn't provoke those who wanted me dead."

My eyes trailed down his body and towards his arms to examine the marks on his skin. "Who wants you dead?"

A bitter smile. "Vampires don't forget. My involvement with the Southern Wars by Maria's side has earned me enemies. My scars represent the ones I killed, and some remain vengeful for their friends, people they consider family, and their mates—" His sentence cut off abruptly. He pursed his lips and looked ahead.

I followed his gaze towards the bright lights coming off of the picturesque city a couple miles ahead, then looked back at him.

A specific word he used pulled the trigger on a memory.

It was hazy. The sound of a car, with light rain pattering on the window. My head buzzed with the engine's roar.

…

_I hope you find your mate, Jasper. Contrary to what you think, I think it'll make you happy._

_…_

I thought back on the memory, hoping to illuminate any pathways from it to other forgotten memories. The path skirted passed a known memory that I had put into the back of my mind.

…

_You can't pick your mate, Elise. Your venom decides, and you're stuck with the pull._

_…_

Jasper had said that. And I thought about my time in New York where that memory had surfaced. Peter. His wording had been…

…

_With mating, there's a pull. Imagine an invisible rope tied to your body, contracting and expanding but always bringing you back to one person. The pull commands, you obey._

_…_

My synapses fired at an alarming rate. I peered at Jasper, then focused straight ahead. And all I could think about was the invisible enigma that had been referred to by my companion as _the curse_.

My mind felt like it was finally reaching the clearing. The sunlight was bright, but the clouds were moving in. They were heavy, dark, and full of ice cold water.

_Contrary to what you think, I think it'll make you happy._

I looked at the man beside me. Hardened eyes, pained expression. He seemed distracted, and uncertain. His bipolar behavior was exhausting to deal with, but I couldn't imagine how he felt as he dealt with his own constant ups and downs.

And right then and there, I came to my own certain conclusion: I would not classify this man as as anything in the vicinity of _happy_.

"Jasper?"

He turned his head to look at me, and the wrinkles on his forehead smoothed out. "Yes?"

My questions seemed to pile up in my throat. The uncertainty of their answers prevented me from going forward with them. I frequently found it hard to see that Jasper cared about me given his condemnable decisions and lack of understanding. But it was also clear that my feelings for him were far from what he desired.

As the silence grew, the wrinkles reappeared on his forehead. I decided to instead focus on the positive, and the certain.

"I appreciate that you are investigating Damon. I feel that I never got closure on losing my parents."

He nodded slowly. "I'd like to be able to do more for you."

"More?"

He struggled with his words. "I want to give you that closure. And then, I want Damon dead."

I wanted him gone, too. But his outspokenness was unexpected. "You're already after the Volturi, and he's associated with them. That should make it easy."

"That's the only association you make?"

What else was there? "His work with the Jovu? Well, they're done—"

"No," he interrupted sternly. "Not the Jovu. Me. You've always compared us."

…

_You don't belong with the Cullens. You belong with people like Damon._

_…_

The hair that he constantly pulled back was covering his face. He wanted to disappear. Something ate at him, and I finally understood. He didn't like me putting him in the same box as Damon. The taker, the experimenter, and the torturer.

"Damon is a monster," I said easily.

"You called me the same right before I killed you."

And he expected me to defend him? "You were killing me. Yes, I suppose that was appropriate."

I paused, collecting my thoughts. His anxiety reflected onto me. I reached up and pulled his hair back for him. "You are not Damon."

"Yes," he agreed painfully. "You've also made that side of the argument."

Good. But why was he upset about it? I searched my mind for trigger points, but found none. Suddenly, Jasper stopped. "You don't remember."

I slowed to a stop as well. "That's kind of been the case for the past few months."

He came up to me with a look so predatory, I felt an unfamiliar vulnerability resurface. A wave of fear splashed across my chest, then disappeared. The muscles in my throat wanted movement to decrease dryness. I felt helpless. Lost. Human.

My feet shuffled back in a similar rhythm that Jasper followed as he backed me into a tree until I felt the rough bark. His eyes were piercing, but they were focused onto my neck. With a hand, he reached and grabbed. His hand tightened gently around my throat.

…

_Carlisle is gone. He does not exist for you anymore. Your medical consultant is me, and it is my venom that will kill you. Do you understand?_

_…_

His lips weren't moving, but I could just as well place the words in his mouth. I placed my hand on top of his, feeling his grip that surely should have killed me by now. My other hand brushed over my cheeks to feel the free-running tears that couldn't come.

…

_I hate it when humans cry. Impulsive, and a waste of water._

_…_

"Does it work?" His voice was hoarse, troubled. "Do you remember?"

It worked or not, I hated this. I couldn't even tell the source of the sadness that I felt. Was I grieving my own death? Was I pitying my killer? Was Jasper simply projecting?

It was clear that he wanted to help uncover memories. Physical cues were important in this process, but it wasn't easy on him. Surely, we had good memories? Why was he trying to push the bad ones down my throat?

Then, he kissed me. Hesitantly. Uncertainly. Fearfully. His hand loosened from my throat, then brushed against my chin.

Then, he pulled away. "This is about when you'd fight me. Most of the bruises on your forearms were from when you began hitting me. Your hands were close to bleeding."

"You killed me that day," I breathed.

He averted my eyes. "Of course."

I ran my fingers over where my vocal cords were hidden. I knew exactly what I had told him. "And then, I said…"

" _You don't belong with people like Damon,_ " Jasper muttered, his eyes closed. " _You're worse. Liar. Traitor. Manipulator. He was all of those things, but at least he didn't show me that he cared_."

He spoke slowly, carefully, and utterly monotone; he recited without hesitation and with complete recollection. How long had he ran these self-deprecating mantras in his head?

"It doesn't surprise me that I've said that," I said finally. "But it was wrong of me to make the comparison. You aren't the one who took me from my family. You didn't treat me like a lab rat. You didn't do any of it."

His mood didn't lighten. "I think what Damon did was brilliant. It's unhinged scientific exploration, which is something that the vampiric community lacks. But this… and you… it's become personal. And therefore, unacceptable."

"So, it's totally fine in your book that he took all of those other humans and played scientist?"

He opened his mouth, but then shut it. Instead, he held up a hand. "I won't fight about this with you. Neither of us will win."

It wasn't about winning. It was about how much we clashed morally. But given that I hadn't seen him for a few days, I didn't want tonight to turn into a bitter clash, and his mood had already dipped once.

"Tell me about your plans with Damon."

He transitioned into his response smoothly as we continued our walk. "I might be able to convince the alliance to send out a team for him."

"Why would the alliance do that for you?"

He grinned. "They wouldn't. But they would if it benefited them. Damon might be a useful source of information."

The lightbulb came alive. "That makes absolute sense. You need to know what the Volturi are doing with the experiments. Have they replicated the method? Are they waiting? Do they already have results? This could be very important for the alliance to know."

Jasper listened intently as I spoke. "Absolutely."

"If they have more gifted than you've accounted for, you're in trouble."

There was a long pause. "Absolutely."

His distant curtness was strange. But then he looked at me with such wondrous curiosity that it made me question just who he was.

"You're almost half-way through your time here. Have you noticed that?"

I examined his face for any sense of emotion, but he kept it unnaturally neutral. "I have."

"You've grown stronger. You're networking with recruits. You've adapted in every sense of the word. But the question is… how genuine is your act?"

"My act?"

"Have you assimilated to the alliance, or are you just waiting to bolt out of here?"

"I—"

"It doesn't matter. The fact is, you are free to go in a matter of months. You need to think long and hard about that decision."

This conversation completely blindsided me. "You are actually going to let me go?"

He gave me an incredulous look. "Your sentence was clear, was it not?"

"But you—I didn't do anything substantial for the alliance."

He considered that. "We're behind schedule. But that doesn't elongate your time."

This was bizarre. "I don't understand. In three months and two weeks, I can just leave?"

He clasped his hands tightly behind his back. "Yes. But it's my job to do everything in my power to convince you to stay."

"And how will you do that?"

"Persuasion. Anecdotes. Personal testimonies."

"Are you trying to sell me a car or convince me to fight for a revolution I don't believe in?"

He smiled lop-sidedly and grabbed my hand only to put it on his forearm. I noted the gentlemanly, delicate gesture.

"The revolution means nothing. If you see any gaps in the alliance's operation and mission, you don't stick around to watch them collapse."

I looked up at him, aware of our proximity, and put forth my analysis. "You stay for the numbers, but you don't care about their source. You'd sell them out for the Volturi at any time."

He bowed his head. "Always align yourself with the strongest side."

"Guarantee your survival," I muttered. "But wouldn't the Volturi be wary of you, then? How would they trust you after you clearly betrayed their opponent?"

"It's not fool-proof," he admitted. "But I've worked hard to keep my face away from the chess board. Moving forward, I have no plans to engage any of the Volturi Guard in the battlefield. However, if a list of delegate members were leaked, it would be my word against that piece of paper."

"And if they trust the piece of paper?"

"They will evaluate my gift. The equation will be weighted based on what I bring to the table. The betrayal would be a significant subtraction, but my gift combined with my experience in battle would surely serve as an advantageous multiplier."

He made it way too complicated. "I don't get it. Just fight for the side that aligns best with your values, and stick with them to the end."

"At least that proposal is better than trying to stick it out on your own."

I had done fine until Peter showed up in New York. "What's wrong with that?"

"You wouldn't get very far."

"And what's wrong with sticking with the side that best fits your values?"

His answer was automatic. "Everything. Nothing is worth dying for."

"Let me get this straight. You're going to let me go in a few months. But, you're going to do your best to get me to stay for an organization that you yourself could sell out at any moment?"

The moonshine diminished, and the stars were less bright as we got closer to the city. Jasper looked out over at the high rises.

"My tactic is really simple, sweetheart. I will do my best to convince you to stay for any organization I choose to be a part of. Today, it could be the alliance. Tomorrow, you might sing praise to the Volturi King through the streets of Italy."

He wanted me there with him wherever he went. Given his obsession with survival, I couldn't quite discern the motivation behind it. He cared for me deeply, but he also praised the power of my shield.

Jasper let me have the silence, but I could tell that he was aware of my dilemma. "My problems have become easier, Elise, when I've come to accept that I am physically incapable of staying away from you."

He took my hand from his forearm to plant a kiss on my knuckles, only to return it to its previous position. "And I've accepted it twice. Once when you were human, and once now."

"The rope. The invisible rope."

"Yes," he considered. "I suppose it is."

As we entered the city, I couldn't help but bask in Jasper's sudden outspokenness. And for once, I knew with certainty that he was telling the truth. Because his physical demonstration that began with his fingers wrapped delicately around my throat triggered just enough of the conversation.

…

_I knew a mate would be disappointing. But I never imagined it would be this bad._

…

And now, I just needed to figure out what it all really meant for me. For my future. And how it shaped my past.

* * *

**A/N: The gears are turning and locking into place. Here are some questions for you:**

**1\. Jasper clearly has issues with Elise's view of him mingling with that of Damon's. Yet, he's moving down the path of Damon's experiments. How well do you think Elise would tolerate Jasper's involvement with the very experiments that essentially ruined her life?**

**2\. Elise's memories are triggering, and the mating concept is on the forefront. Jasper's very big on confidentiality. How would the exposure of their relationship impact their place within the alliance?**

**3\. Jasper's pretty aloof with his ties to anyone and anything, including the alliance. Do you agree with his perspective of easy betrayal in favor of the stronger side?**


	13. Revelations

Previously:

_…_

I knew a mate would be disappointing. But I never imagined it would be this bad.

_…_

_And now, I just needed to figure out what it all really meant for me. For my future. And how it shaped my past._

* * *

**Jasper**

Carlisle bore an expression of pure exhaustion when I found him in Arizona. He sat next to a decaying body, his eyes a brownish gold from thirst. The dead body next to him was the woman he couldn't save.

"I have a theory," he said. "The heat is intensifying their symptoms. From reports, the Jovu had a clinical lab, which are generally cooled to a certain temperature to prevent bacteria growth. An unconditioned cabin in Arizona isn't ideal."

The smell of death was more pungent than usual. I eyed the woman. "You'll come to the next meeting in South Carolina and lay out your requests. I need you to write a short proposal, and I'll work on getting the approval based on my experience with Damon Vouvali."

He handed me the syringes filled with venom. I told him to keep them. "If you need more, let me know. As training intensifies, we can collect from recruits' injuries."

He stared at the needles for a while. "Does Elise know?"

"No. Not yet. Once the procedures become official, I have no doubt that the word will move across camp."

"She should hear it from you."

The little progress we'd made would be for nothing. "The alliance will accept the responsibility, and you'll be the lead of this project. Worst case, she'll have a gripe with you. But I think I can convince her to hate the alliance more."

I could feel him getting upset. "Your family is safe," I reminded him quickly. "And you would do the same for Esme."

"I think I have a better strategy when it comes to my mate, Jasper."

"And what is that?"

He got up and scooped up the corpse. "Honesty."

I picked up the mattress that needed badly to be thrown out, then took one last look at the room before closing it off.

"I might just burn down the cabin to get rid of this smell."

"Death by disease has a different aroma," Carlisle noted. "I would never have classified our venom to have that effect on the human body. I've always been mesmerized by its healing qualities."

"Too much of it, and you turn. Too little of it might kill you…" I trailed. "I need to know how the Jovu succeeded."

"If you can get access to any paperwork: lab results, notebooks, logged data—that would be ideal."

"Vouvali is working for Aro. I suspect that what's left of the Jovu are operating under the Volturi's guise."

I immediately felt Carlisle's disbelief. "No. Aro would be breaking his own law."

Why shouldn't he? "The alliance's contacts within Volterra wouldn't know about Vouvali's connection to the kings. They would keep the information restricted to the Volturi's top officials. My opinion? Aro would be stupid to not take advantage of this."

We entered the woods, and Carlisle turned to me. "Until you get more information regarding the trials, I will not proceed with experimentation. There's no benefit in us killing more than we need. The work has already been done, and the path to get to the results shouldn't have to be replicated. It took the Jovu years to be discovered, and they have more experience than we have time to gain."

He had a point. "I'll send out two trackers to Italy. We presume Damon's been to Volterra, and we can grab physical descriptions from when Peter saw him."

"I would start from their base. The less interrogation work you have to do, the better. If what you're saying is true, and Damon is involved with the kings, he is bound to report anything back to Aro."

I knew we had to take a more diplomatic approach with this plan. His proximity to the kings was a reason why we couldn't kill him.

Yet.

* * *

**Elise**

The twenty-four hours after my conversation with Jasper were a few of my more introspective ones. I felt distracted and easily annoyed by anything that wanted my attention. All I wanted to do was think and process. But my alone time always ended with sunrise.

Today, I had been paired with Claudia. I could tell that she could sense how distracted I was. My inattentiveness should have lost me _something_ today, but she kept our routine as close to a sparring round as she could.

Finally, I was grateful to see the sunset. Some recruits were lighting a bonfire, and the flames felt good near my skin. I sat close to the center and let the fire dance before me. The sight was hypnotic, and it let me dive deeper into my brain.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Emmett and Rosalie join the grouping. Rosalie sat in front of her husband, and Emmett threw his arms around her waist. Their display of affection warmed me more than the fire before me.

Mates.

This was how it was supposed to be? Cuddling, and love, and warmth?

My eyes trailed around the vicinity. There was no sight of Jasper, and I felt anger bubble up from deep within me. He knew our connection. He knew our past. He kept withholding information from me for no good reason. The journal was a good example of that. He had ripped out the last few pages… and for what? What exactly was he afraid of?

Emmett smiled at his wife and placed a kiss on her ear. They had nothing to hide. They were solid.

I shifted my perspective to Emmett's. Rosalie wasn't the easiest woman to have around, but the unconditional love he demonstrated for her was intriguing. He probably didn't agree with her all the time, but they seemed to have something working. And it was far more than what Jasper and I could ever come close to.

"You weren't on your game today." Claudia slipped in beside me and pulled her knees close. Her face glowed with the orange embers.

"No," I agreed. "Thanks for not ripping me apart."

"Others won't be as kind. You can't be so distracted."

"I know."

We listened to the crackling wood. "You shouldn't let him do this to you."

I looked at her, knowing full well how weighted her words were. She sighed. "It's an abuse of power, and power always feeds their ego. He'll toss you aside when he gets bored."

I felt like I was being lectured by my mother. "Is that what people are saying?"

"Yes."

_I am physically incapable of staying away from you._

Jasper has probably lied to me more than he's ever told the truth, so I had no historic justification for trusting any word coming out of his mouth. But damn did I want to eat up everything he spat out at me. As the night grew darker and colder, I felt almost resentful at his absence. How dare he leave me alone? How dare he let the people around camp say the things they were saying?

"You're angry," Claudia observed, nudging me with her elbow. "Hey, I don't care what you do. Have fun. Do what you gotta do. But it can't impact your performance. Unless you're really serious about losing some limbs, you gotta focus."

I tossed her a small smile. "I appreciate you looking out for me."

I saw Charlotte take a seat by Emmett and Rosalie and greet them. We hadn't really interacted for weeks, but she was closer to Jasper than the Cullens would ever be. With Peter gone, I saw an opportunity. I drew out my phone and blew away some dirt from its surface. I sent her number a quick text.

_Care for a walk?_

* * *

Charlotte met me at the same place I had left her after our first conversation. The metal fence gleamed lightly under the moonlight.

"I've been distant," I told her. "It's hard to trust people here."

She accepted that. Easily. "It's good to see you, Elise. You've made your own friends, and I can't be upset about that."

"But that wasn't part of the plan."

She showed me gentle, motherly affection. "Things often do not go as planned, but that's okay. Is there something bothering you?"

Yes. "Jasper."

It was as if she expected my problems. "What happened?"

"He hides things from me. And it's not your job to tell me what those things are, but I'd like to make something clear." I lowered my voice to barely above a whisper. "I know that Jasper and I are bonded to the likes of you and Peter, or Emmett and Rosalie."

Her eyes darted away. "He told you?"

"No. He practically choked it out of me in a form of a memory. But I don't think he knows that I remember what he said."

"Oh, Elise," she sighed and hesitantly reached up to tuck a piece of my hair behind my ear.

"No." I stepped back. "Don't do that. Don't feel sorry for me. I just need to talk to you about this, because it's clear that you and Peter know."

She clasped her hands together. "How can I help?"

"Jasper hates this. He refers to it as the curse. He told you to not talk about it. Peter told me to shut up about any discoveries I make. It's like he just wants it to disappear. He's setting us up for failure, and I don't understand why."

Charlotte pulled me next to her as we started to walk by the fence. This was hard for her. I didn't think she was prepared for the responsibility of carrying the weight of my discovery. "Peter and I have been on eggshells around Jasper. It sounds like he was hinting at a mating bond pretty hard with the reference to a curse."

My hands got more animated as I spoke. "Exactly. It's like he wants me to know, but he doesn't."

"He does. He probably wanted you to know that you were involved romantically, and that there was some invisible reason why you had to stick together. But he didn't want you to acknowledge and accept the mating bond, because that will strengthen and solidify it. Also, there's more of a risk of it getting out to the camp. If you don't know, you can't share."

"Why does he care about what people think? Does he even know what people are saying about us?"

She pursed her lips. "He knows. The more people understand the severity of your connection, the more they can use it against him. That's what he's trying to avoid."

"It's not just about him, Charlotte," I fumed, but lowered my voice when she raised her finger to her lips. "It takes two to have a bond."

"I absolutely agree. I do. I think you need to make him see that. Jasper isn't used to caring about anything besides himself. He couldn't even take care of a dog. You need to show him that you are his equal, and not something he can just boss around to suit his needs."

"Shouldn't that come naturally? You mentioned equality—and I see that with Carlisle and Esme. I see that with Emmett and Rosalie. A partnership is equality."

Her expression softened. "Jasper told me he brought you some of your things from when you were human."

I scoffed. "How many good things can cancel out one bad?"

"My point is, he's trying. You don't see that often in a man like him. I'm not saying you need to run to him with open arms and accept him the way he is. No. Jasper's not a role model, and you shouldn't praise behavior you don't accept. But you can shift your perspective a little, and still fight for what you want out of your relationship."

I paused. "You're going to tell him, aren't you?"

"No," she said smoothly. "My instructions were clear regarding the bond. Now that you know, the instructions are obsolete."

My eyes rolled on their own accord. "Why do you even follow any of his instructions?"

"He's my friend. I choose to respect his wishes. It doesn't mean I agree with them."

I thanked her. Genuinely. While the clouds drew in with heavy water, I felt my mind clear. Getting it out in the open and releasing my feelings felt good. But the anxiety remained. Jasper was still gone, and it was starting to drive me insane.

* * *

Charlotte had said that the bond changed you. I understood that as I sat alongside the center circle, watching two of my group members destroy one another.

I was watching, but I also wasn't.

I saw straight through the commotion and straight at Jasper. He had arrived by early dawn and his attention was solely on Peter. They had been going back and forth on some discussion regarding South Carolina for quite some time. They could have been speaking gibberish for all I cared, and I'd still be interested. My nerves eased with every second of his voice in my ears. Even though he was dozens of feet away, it was louder than the grunting in front of me.

I willed for him to look at me, but quickly learned that wasn't part of the bond. Frustrated, I dug my hands into the dirt. Claudia nudged me from behind. "Up."

I looked up to see Kate staring at me. Apparently, it was my turn.

And Bryce was about to eat me for brunch. He was a friendly enough acquaintance, but the man could fight. Standing a little shorter than Emmett, his dark brown hair hung down to his shoulders. With a wide build, he assumed his stance. I followed suit but felt my confidence slip. Bryce was completely capable of tearing me apart, and I doubted he and I had enough of a rapport for him to go easy on me.

I focused on his eyes. His eyes told me his next move. And he was looking very intently at my throat. Damn. If I was going to be decapitated for my first loss, that would be very unfortunate. When Kate gave the signal, Bryce assuredly launched for my throat. I jumped around him, my size giving me the more fluid advantage. But I soon realized that my only tactic was dodging and running away.

We circled each other. A bird screamed. I dodged another grasp for my throat. Bryce wasn't menacing, but he surely was determined. He adored Kate, which meant he took every opportunity to demonstrate his skills.

"What is this?"

_What is what?_

I glanced over at Jasper, who had spoken to Peter, then ducked quickly to avoid a swipe. His voice and his presence kept me far away from this fight. I was watching him more than my opponent, and that was a terrible, terrible idea.

Jasper leaned over a table, and pointed at something. Peter laughed. What was Bryce doing? I had no fucking clue. I circled, I ran. I dodged and bought time. I had no idea what I was doing.

The wind blew, and spices filled the air. Delicate, smoky, and absolutely delectable. Jasper. And when I paused, Bryce reaped the benefits of my overwhelmed senses.

He gripped my shoulder and pulled me against him. I couldn't help the yelp that escaped my lips as I struggled hard to get him off of me. I was losing my head today. That was happening.

I elbowed him, but it didn't do much good. His arms were big, and his forearms rested against my shoulders, his hands gripping my neck. I felt my skin shift with the force, and my panic skyrocketed. I didn't need to breathe, but I was gasping for air.

Instead of feeling the rip, I heard it. It was long. Prolonged. And sounded like ants were crawling all over my body. But I only felt the sudden thud of solid dirt. I was thrown onto the ground. Was my body attached to my head? I could move my hands, and my feet. Was that a good sign? Did Bryce take pity on me? I growled at that idea, but it made me more upset that this demonstration was probably quite disappointing to watch. I looked up for Jasper, but couldn't see him.

Because he was behind me.

I scrambled to my feet and turned around to see Bryce's two arms lying on top of each other right beside Bryce himself. My hands came up to cover my mouth to prevent any emotion from slipping through.

My opponent writhed on the ground, and Jasper stared at me with hard, angered eyes. Kate stormed through the circle and stood between us, looking down at her student who was trying to inch closer to his limbs.

"Major Whitlock, this is unacceptable," she seethed. "You cannot interrupt the natural training process."

It felt like the entire camp was put on pause, and all I wanted to do was hide.

But all Jasper did was glance down at Bryce. "Get him some blood."

And then I was being pulled away. Jasper's grip on my wrist was crushing. I looked back at the damage. Kate crouched low by Bryce, but the rest of the recruits had their eyes on us.

Peter approached the circle, and stood before the man on the ground. "Heal him. Resume with the rest. Now."

* * *

We walked in absolute silence. When we were deep into the forestry, Jasper let go of me, and I followed him over the fence.

After about a mile, he turned to me. Whatever was simmering quietly for the past few minutes sought to explode.

"I've seen you fight countless of times," he growled. "Your strength is in your defense, and I've never seen anyone be able to get behind you. What happened?"

"He overpowered me."

"He's not stronger than Emmett, and you've fought him."

What did he want me to say? "I was distracted."

"Yes," he fumed. "Yes, you were. I wonder what was more important than getting your head ripped off of your body."

I didn't even feel bothered by his anger. "You completely disarmed Bryce."

He turned away from me and his hand ran through his hair. He whispered sharply. "Shit. Shit. Shit."

"You—"

"I wouldn't have to save you if you just kept your focus," he snarled, turning back to me.

"Why did you?" I challenged. "You didn't have to do anything."

"I did what I had to do. You're under my protection."

I stepped forward. "I thought we didn't get special treatment."

"You don't."

My breath fanned his face. "Then what is this?"

"Obligation."

I was tired of this, and my memories didn't lie. I slowly put my arms around his neck and held him in place. "You saved me today," I began slowly. "Because you and I are bonded with this little thing called—"

"Stop."

"Why?" I insisted. "Why is this so hard for you? You can do this with the rest of the world, but not with me."

He wavered and took several steps back. His footing was off. I pulled him towards me with his shirt. It was jarring to see how frail he seemed in an instant. "How do you know?"

I grabbed his hand and put it straight on my neck, but he was barely touching me. I took us back to time he had me against a tree by the throat. "You triggered more than just a conversation regarding Damon."

His arm dropped. He didn't even look at me, but I tried to get his attention. "Don't avoid this. Talk to me."

He remained mute, his gaze resting on the horizon. We stood there by the trees, veering over a clearing. Jasper began to shake his head.

I tried my best to reassure him. "I don't think anyone knows but Peter and Charlotte…"

"Everyone knows," he said quietly.

"No. Everyone thinks we leave camp, and I trade sex for perks with the delegates."

The look he gave me was grim. "Everyone knows. I saved you from losing your head. I disarmed your opponent when I had no business to."

"Fuck them," I snapped. "This is about you and me."

He closed his eyes and held up a hand. "I need to think."

I pushed down his hand and forced him to look at me. "No, you don't."

He stepped away from me. "Just be quiet for a second."

I drew him back. "Include me. Let me help you." Then, I glared at him. "And stop acting like you don't want me. It's such bullshit."

"I'm not—" he began, a little helplessly. "I need to figure this out."

I took his hands in mine. "You don't have to do anything right now. Just focus on me. Please."

With his jaw set, and his eyes avoiding, he was actively pushing slabs of barriers between us. I was distracting, annoying, and preventing him from thinking clearly.

If he needed time, we had time. We had time until the sun finally exploded and destroyed us all.

So, I made the decision to walk away. But right before I did, I reached up to grab his chin and tilted his head down towards mine. "Thank you for what you did today."

I left him near the clearing, and headed back to base. Because if I didn't want him around me, I would expect him to do the same.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Some questions for you:**

**1\. Jasper believes that there are dire consequences of what was just revealed. What issues do you anticipate with this reveal, and are Jasper's worries justified?**

**2\. Damon Vouvali, Elise's once captor and mastermind behind venomous experimentation, is once again a topic of conversation in Jasper's life. How do you think he feels about him at this stage, and would any of that get in the way of his very unusual mission to start experiments within the alliance?**


	14. Protection

Previously:

_If he needed time, we had time. We had time until he sun finally exploded and destroyed us all._

_So, I made the decision to walk away. But right before I did, I reached up to grab his chin and tilted his head down towards mine. "Thank you for what you did today."_

_I left him near the clearing, and headed back to base._

* * *

**Jasper**

Eyes and lips moved around me in stares and whispers. My agitation was probably readable not by my projections, but from my face. I stalked through base a day later after drinking my fill of at least half a dozen humans the night before.

My senses were almost painfully aware of Elise's whereabouts. Her scent was everywhere, but was more prominent towards the direction of her room. I wanted to see her, but it was damn hard to think around her. Her questions were too much. Her presence was unbearable. Nothing made any sense around her.

Before I could even make a decision, Peter met me halfway through the center circle. He kept his voice low. "You need to head to Arizona."

Those weren't the words I wanted to hear. "Now?"

He gave me a curt nod. "You heard me."

Maria's queen bee behavior was getting old. "I owe no explanation."

"No," he said. "But it might just be better if you go."

No amount of blood could have calmed my rage at that instant. I couldn't even figure out what exactly I was mad at. Elise? The bond? Others who sought answers for my actions? It was nobody's damn business. Certainly not Maria's.

As quickly as I had entered base, I left. My run to Arizona did nothing to clear my mind.

I arrived at the small base and found Maria under a red cloth tent. She sat in a chair with her feet propped up on a large, wooden desk. Her tent was half a mile from the nearest training site.

She liked her privacy.

Today, no delegates were with her. She must have sent them away.

"Birdies are talking to me, Major."

Her choice of words irritated me. "That doesn't sound healthy."

She kept her face smooth, devoid of annoyance or negativity. "Would you care to tell me yourself?"

"I prevented a recruit from losing her head."

She cocked her head to the side. "Do you know why you are a great liar? Because you tell just enough of the truth, and leave just enough out." She folded her arms across her chest. "I know you, Jasper Whitlock. I've known you. I've created you. There is nothing that you can hide from me."

Nothing? "You sound confident."

"Because I am. I've made you who you are today. I know enough to understand that this ordeal is probably a great stressor for you."

"What ordeal?"

"Finding your mate," she stated simply. "But, it's been a while since you've found her, hasn't it? You've sentenced her to our cause long after you knew what she was to you." She got up and put her hands on the table, peering up at me. "I bet you didn't even believe in it."

I didn't take my eyes off of her as I stepped forward and leaned over on the table before her. My hands knocked off a few chess pieces on an enlarged map. "What do you want, Maria?"

She straightened. "I want you to change your perspective. The girl is powerful. The girl is your mate. She will stay with you no matter what happens. I think we have a clear advantage here."

I stared at her, but I wasn't even looking at her. Her words fell on me hard and I felt enraged by how similar we were. Strategizing the existence of my mate was all that I did.

"So," she drew out. "I want the girl to continue training and remain with the alliance until Demetri is dead. After that, do with her what you will. I think that's a pretty fair deal."

She directed my attention to Demetri, set a clear goal, and emphasized her needs clearly and concisely. Her ask wasn't terrible; even without it, Elise would have stayed with the alliance so as long as I was a part of it.

But what worried me were the details beyond her request. The leverage she would have over me would always be in the back of my mind. This was one request. There would be more to come. Because Demetri would not be the alliance's only problem if the Volturi had any gifted that we were unaware of.

"It's a fair deal."

"Is it? How do you really feel about it?"

I ignored her, and picked up the three chess pieces from the dirt I had knocked off. I placed them back to their pointers on the map.

"What is it that you don't like about me, Major Whitlock?"

Her voice. Attitude. Opinions. Everything about her pissed me off.

"I've given you so much power, land, status," she mused. "It's hard to see just what ticks you off. I've made you a fighter, and a killer. All wonderful things. You've survived this long under my watch, with my venom, and my direction."

I stared hard at the map. "We have a deal."

"We do. So why are you so angry?"

She never cared that I didn't respond. She pushed anyway. "I'll lay down my theory. I took you from the people you loved. The mighty Whitlocks of Texas… torn apart by the loss of a son. 1863. A fresh, new start for you. A sad, grim story for your family. And something about your reaction tells me that you're scared I'll do it all again."

The table creaked just a little under my weight. "We have no correspondence outside of the alliance. I owe you nothing, and I don't dwell on the past."

"But you do. What you say is never what you mean. It's a clever defense mechanism, but it won't work on me." She paused, then smiled icily. "You used to be so pleasant. What's turned you so bitter? And don't tell me my venom… that's gotten old."

My fist slammed into the table. "You call me to your feet. You insult me. You threaten my mate. You're just hiding behind your own wounds, Maria."

She delightfully watched me retrieve my hand from within the cracks of her table. "Oh, my dear. Aren't we all? And I'm not threatening your mate. I'm just bringing us to a common understanding. You will do anything to keep yourself alive, and you will manipulate your mate the way you need to. It's simply in your nature, and it shouldn't make you upset."

"Maybe if you payed this much attention to all of your other newborns, most wouldn't have turned on you."

She didn't even flinch. "I pay attention to you, because you are valuable." She walked around the table to stand before me. "And valuable things must always be watched and given attention. If not, they grow restless and wander off on their own."

She was close enough that I could easily twist her neck and tear off her tiny little head. Her arms would go next, then her legs. I'd burn all of her limbs first, and leave her eyes to watch.

"It's been a long time, Maria. I shouldn't be valuable to you at all."

She picked up a black pawn from her table and held it up. "You'll never lose your appeal, Major Whitlock. You were one of a kind." She held up a white pawn beside it. "And now, you're two."

Her threats weren't verbal, but the implication behind her words hung in the air like a deceptive fog. I fought hard to contain my displeasure, but Maria knew me all too well.

Her eyes widened slightly as she watched me, and her smile softened. "But don't worry. If you've learned anything that I taught you, you should be okay. You shouldn't care what happens to her."

She dodged my right arm, but my left hand caught her by the throat. The table gave when I slammed her into it. Her hands clawed at mine, but the smile never left her lips. How badly I wanted to burn it off of her face.

I had expected her friends to show up. But it wasn't who I anticipated. Instead of her crew, I felt a firm hand on my shoulder, and a very familiar scent.

"Jasper, stop," Peter said calmly.

My hands tightened on the bitch's throat, part of me wishing she were human. I needed to hear her struggle, to writhe, to fight me back and lose.

But her red, taunting eyes stared me down even though it was my hands around her windpipe. And her expression weakened me, because I knew what she knew. She could lie in the splinters and chess pieces with a crushed throat, and still overpower me.

"Does she hate you as much as you hate me?" She croaked lightly. I felt her throat vibrate with her question, and it burned me. I pushed her harder into the ground, then released her. My shoulder brushed past Peter's, and I stalked away.

I wanted to throw him into a tree for interrupting. Why had he followed me? Why hadn't I realized that he was coming with me in the first place? Where was my head?

But it wouldn't have mattered. Maria's status as my maker overtook everything. She knew everything. She could anticipate my every move.

She had created me.

* * *

**Elise**

Once again, Kate had barely held her temper when she quietly told me to stay out of today's session. I sat by the sidelines and watched the rest of her students fight for the second day.

The wind shifted, and I knew instantly that Jasper had returned by the wave of his scent flowing through my senses. I hadn't seen him since I left him in the woods two days ago.

He prowled through camp with his jaw set and eyes burning with unspoken rage. He stood before me, and I expected fire to erupt from his voice. But his words was barely there. "Gather your things from your room."

I could feel Kate's gaze on us. I could feel everyone's eyes on us.

"Where are we going?"

"We aren't going anywhere. You're moving."

He bent over to grab my hand, pulling me to my feet. He escorted me out of vicinity of the circle and towards my room. When we got there, he leaned against the front wall. "Quickly."

I frowned, but did as I was told. I didn't have much, but the duffel bag of items from my parents' house was my most prized possession. I stuck George Orwell's _1984_ and my journal into the bag, and draped it over my shoulder.

When I came out to meet him, he eyed the bag, then took it from me. We walked a few sections over—closer to the center circle. These cluster of rooms were bigger, and faced the battle area head-on. When Jasper stopped in front of a door, realization dawned on me.

"I'm moving to your room?"

He opened the door and dropped the bag on the ground. "It is what is expected, and so it will be."

I peeked in beyond him. It wasn't much different than what my arrangements had been. Except the desk was instead a full table with four chairs around it. Various documents were littered around it. No bed, just a dresser. The room was about twice the size of mine.

I turned to him. "What does this mean?"

Jasper's eyes went from mine to scanning each and every individual around us. He then stepped forward and grabbed my face in his hands. I felt his lips brush over my forehead.

"Why aren't you training?" His question was a murmur on my skin.

"Kate turned me away."

I felt his attention divert to the center circle. And his touch was gone in an instant. Jasper headed directly to Kate.

The two paired fighters stopped their routine when they saw him approach. Kate held up her hand towards them, then spoke with pure ice. "Major Whitlock."

"Kate," I heard him acknowledge. "Is Elise untrainable? If so, I would like to know."

"Not untrainable." She swiped a glance at me. "Her mate is a danger to my group."

Ouch. I looked around the room, feeling incredibly awkward at the mention of our bond.

"That might be a good thing. Seeing as I peeled that one's arms off like a sticker." He gestured to the vampire he had disarmed. "Threats have always yielded better performance."

Even from a distance, Kate's stance told me everything about her feelings. "I am not training your mate."

"You are. She'll hopefully learn to be a little more careful with her head."

"Are her arms fair game? Legs?" She sneered. "What part of her can my students threaten that you won't kill them for?"

Jasper hadn't killed Bryce. But it sure looked like he wanted to.

I watched as he clasped his hands behind his back. "Perhaps if you trained her better, we wouldn't have a problem. She resumes tomorrow."

Kate looked like she wanted to retort, but her mouth slammed shut. Jasper strode back towards me and addressed the room. "It's not much, but it's not that much more than what you've had."

I didn't care about the room. "It's fine. Are you okay?"

He didn't acknowledge the question, but there was something very off about his behavior. For one, he wasn't denying anything about us. He hadn't put Kate down for referring to me as his mate. Besides that, he was closer, and more in my space. When he stepped into the room, he pulled me in with him. When he began to look over some documents on that table, he patted the chair next to his for me to sit.

While he examined the papers, I examined him.

"Why are you looking at me like I grew two heads?" He finally asked, his eyes fixated on a thick paragraph.

I looked away immediately, realizing that my lips were parted. I felt out of place in this room. With this man. There was something very weird about him.

"I asked you a question, Elise."

"I'm just absorbing today. That's all."

"Absorbing," he tasted the word. "How is that going?"

"I'm not sure."

He put the piece of paper down, then got up abruptly. He went around to the other side of the table and unlocked a drawer. He pulled out more pieces of paper—these ones were folded over in half. He laid them out in front of me. "I believe you were missing these."

I glanced down at the sheets. I could already make out my handwriting through the thin pages, and the jagged edges implied that they were torn. The pages he had ripped out.

Now that we had entered this weird dimension of the bond we shared, I could only guess why he removed my memories. "The pages were about us," I stated. "Our bond."

He went back to looking at his documents. "You wrote beautifully about it."

I didn't touch the pages. "You thought you could keep it from me? That's why you ripped them out."

"Does it matter anymore?"

I supposed it didn't. But I still had the right to be mad about it. "It's unfair. You shouldn't feel that you have the power to withhold my memories from me."

"I'm not withholding your memories from you anymore. You're welcome."

He was unbelievable. "Does hurting my feelings mean nothing to you?"

His hand that was scribbling on something stopped momentarily. Then resumed. "I can't feel what you're feeling."

"That doesn't give you the free-pass to ignore my emotions."

He sighed, and turned to me. "You're a blank wall to me. I don't know what could upset you, or what could make you happy."

Was he serious? "It's called common sense and basic decency. You lie to me, and I will not like it. How hard is that to understand?"

"I have my reasons for why I do the things I do, Elise."

Frustrated, I got up. "Then include me in those reasons. Include me in your thoughts. I'm more useful if I'm aware."

He got up to stand before me, and his hands lightly inched alongside my neck and shoulders. He was examining my skin. And I immediately realized why.

"The cracks are gone," I told him, referring to the slight breakage of my skin from Bryce's attempt at decapitating me. "Dinner last night helped."

He nodded.

I looked out the door and towards the circle where two partners tackled each other. "You really don't have to intervene next time. If you just told Kate that you wouldn't, maybe she wouldn't be as angry."

My head snapped back towards Jasper when I heard the hint of a chuckle.

"Oh, Elise." His fingers brushed over my jawbone. "Kate knows that if any part of you ends up detached from your body, she would lose a student."

Lose a student? Did I hear that correctly? "You mean you would kill them."

"I would have to."

No. I shook my head. "No. You don't _have_ to do anything. Just let me train."

His smile was there, but his eyes hardened fiercely. Two fingers came down my neck, as if measuring the flesh. He was barely touching me, but it felt like electricity down my chest.

"I've taken this vow of protection ever since I knew what you meant to me. I don't expect you to understand that."

"I understand it."

"You fight me at the mere mention of killing. I don't think you do."

What I didn't understand was how protecting me had to involve certain death. "You disarmed Bryce, and that probably taught him something. You can't teach someone a lesson if they're dead." His fingers moved down to my shoulders, then lower towards my chest. I slapped his hand away. "Are you listening to me?"

Amused, he looked at me. "I'm listening, but you're not understanding. No one lives if they harm any part you. Any venom you lose, I will feel the pain."

I thought back to the time where I had pulled his arm from its socket. I had felt that disarming sensation through my body, even though my arms were perfectly attached.

"I will train, and I will make mistakes. If you protect me, I will not learn."

Conflict washed over his features. He had talked freely about me losing a few limbs before. It hadn't bothered him then. Now, it seemed too much.

"Well, if you're so worried about Kate's students, this gives you a reason to take them down first." He snuck closer to me and tilted my head up. "Train harder. Save lives."

"That's insanity."

"It's reality. If anyone got behind you like that in battle, you'd be dead."

His threat to the recruits felt increasingly like a threat to me. If I didn't work hard enough, the consequences would bite me as well. The lives lost would be on my hands.

I looked at him decidedly. "I want to go back to Zach's group."

He was touching me again. His hands ran down my shoulders, down my arms, to my hands. "I wouldn't expect you to make such a cowardly move."

My chest boiled with pure anger. "You're making me do this. You're threatening me as much as you're threatening them."

He pulled my hands to his lips. "I would never threaten you."

As he kissed my knuckles, I felt dizzy. His words and his actions were entirely contradictory. He couldn't think around me? Well, I couldn't think around him.

I withdrew my hands slowly. "Don't kill anyone who doesn't need to die. I won't let you."

He reached for me again, but I took a step back. He watched me closely. "Where were you when I killed the six men and women last night?"

His words squeezed my heart. "Six?"

"Even one is too many for you, I imagine. Unless they're criminals. Even with that, why should you be the judge of who gets to live or die? If a man steals bread to feed his family, that still makes him a criminal in the eyes of the law. You'd drain him in a heartbeat."

I swallowed thickly. "I wouldn't."

"Really? I never understood your scales of justice."

He stepped towards me, and my feet took me back. I collided with the table. He leaned into me and I had to set my hands down behind me to avoid touching him. He put his hands on the table, trapping me in between.

My gaze slipped to the open door. Jasper had never displayed any sort of affection openly. But now, he didn't seem to have any care in the world.

His breath was a whisper on my face. "You're so distant."

I was actively leaning away from him. One could say I was. "Not distant enough."

"You were begging to talk to me a few days ago. What happened?"

His eyes lingered on mine when I didn't answer. Then I saw his gaze drop to my lips.

I saw his right arm shift, and I saw an opening. I ducked under his arm and escaped from between him and table.

He didn't seem bothered by this in the slightest. "You don't want to talk to me. You don't want to touch me. I thought it could be different between us."

Us.

I shook my head. "If you intervene during training or harm anyone in the group, you'll just have to train me yourself. I will not risk the lives of others because of a stupid power trip."

His stare was intense. "No one who harms you gets to live."

And I wanted to laugh. "Then I really don't understand why you're alive."

* * *

**A/N: Things are different. With a special bond between them, Jasper and Elise are surely going to be treated differently around base.**

**We are getting closer to the end of the year. I anticipate one more update to be published this month.**


	15. Sweeter Cream

Previously:

_I shook my head. "If you intervene during training or harm anyone in the group, you'll just have to train me yourself. Because I will not risk the lives of others because of a stupid power trip."_

_"No one who harms you lives."_

_I wanted to laugh. "Then I really don't understand why you're alive."_

* * *

**Elise**

That evening, I sat outside of Jasper's room and watched the recruits gather around the bonfire. From the corner of my eye, I caught Claudia coming out from behind a cluster of rooms. She saw me instantly and waved.

"Hey," I offered.

"Hey yourself. Are you coming?"

I shrugged. "I can see everything from here."

Jasper's room was alongside those of others that belonged to the delegates, and they had a grand view of the center circle.

She sat beside me and leaned her back against the wall. "I'm glad you'll be training with us again. Though I don't think anyone's going to be a willing volunteer to partner with you."

I winced. "Right."

"In any case," she said. "I'm sorry."

"For?"

"My assumptions. I judged too quickly. I thought he was just using you."

The door beside us opened and I felt myself stiffen.

"Claudia," Jasper looked down at us pleasantly. "Jasper Whitlock."

"Yes," she said cautiously. "I'm aware of who you are."

"Are you?" He cocked his head to the side. "Is Elise aware that you've been the one spreading those rumors around camp?"

Claudia looked straight ahead. "I've just been sharing what I—"

"Sharing what you thought was happening, with no straight evidence," he interrupted. "Rumors."

Claudia glanced at me quickly. "I'm sorry. Truly." She stood up, avoiding Jasper. "I'll see you tomorrow."

I watched her walk away. Jasper's hand entered my line of site. An offering. "You should go with her."

I came to my feet without his help. "You didn't need to do that."

"Expose the one that's been upsetting you all this time?"

"She has the right to talk about what she perceives," I snapped.

"You'll mope about the rumors, then defend the source?"

Had the rumors upset me? Sure. But people made mistakes, and Claudia had always been very outspoken regarding Jasper's role in my life.

"You'll ignore the rumors, and only acknowledge them now?" I countered.

He shifted, and his smile did not reach his eyes. "I'll acknowledge anything that'll make you upset."

Would he really? "You're making me upset."

He tugged on a strand of my hair as the wind blew around us. "Acknowledged."

I took a step back, away from his reach. "Will Peter be taking me out for dinner?"

"Give me an hour. I'll take you." Then, I felt his touch on the small of my back. He pushed me gently. "Go enjoy the bonfire. I'll find you later."

My feet moved closer to the recruits, but my mind remained elsewhere. Confused. Confounded. The attention I barely got before was now on the forefront. Jasper's attentiveness was not something I was used to. But there was a certain edge to it that made me nervous.

I caught Claudia's gaze as she sat with other recruits. She threw me a small shrug, and a look of sympathy. I didn't understand the gesture. Rosalie came up beside me and invited me to sit.

"Where's Emmett?" I asked.

"Hunting." She scanned the gathering of recruits. "How are you?"

"How do you think?"

I saw the same look of sympathy on her face that matched the one Claudia had. "Well, you seem very jittery. Your hands haven't stopped picking at the ground. A walk helps with my restlessness. Can I offer you that?"

The fire was warm, but her nicety was welcoming. We started for the forestry.

When we were far enough away, she released a big sigh. "It's so nice to be away from all of the talk. It must be nice for you, as well."

The recruits were having a field day ever since Jasper had intervened between Bryce and I. I supposed not much happened around here. "I don't get why it's so important to talk about."

"A move like that from a man of his status?" She shook her head, eyes wide and amused. "You can't help but talk about it. Not many people know Jasper on a personal level—only stories and his accomplishments within the alliance and the Southern Wars. But as someone who knows him more personally, I know that it was very out of character for him to openly claim you like that."

"Claim me?"

"Well, not _claim you_ claim you. But your connection couldn't have been more obvious."

I sighed. "It's so stupid. We're talking about what people are saying—but none of that matters anymore. What matters to me is what I'm seeing from Jasper right now. The way he's acting is very unsettling."

She paused. "How so?"

I wasn't even sure how to word it. "He moved me to his room. He's closer to me physically, and it's not something he hides from the rest of the camp. He barely acknowledged my presence around others, but now I'm all he watches."

Rosalie tried to make sense of this. "Does that make you uncomfortable?"

Did it? "What makes me uncomfortable is how much he's changed in a very short amount of time. But also how much of him remained the same."

That didn't make sense even to me. But Rosalie seemed to pick up on something. "He's showing you more affection, but his mind is still very closed off to you."

My fists balled in frustration. "I thought I had this figured out."

"You can't figure this out until you understand your bond. You might understand Jasper, but the bond is very new to you."

Did I understand Jasper? "I'm used to him being distant. I'm used to him hiding affection. Hiding—"

"Let's talk a little more about mating." She smiled. "It's different for every couple. Some are hopeless romantics, some are barely more than friends. The bond begins and ends where you want to define it."

"You say that like we have any control over the bond. It doesn't feel like… it doesn't feel like we do. It keeps drawing us closer, and then Jasper keeps putting up more walls."

She shrugged. "That's his problem. Let me explain some important characteristics of the mating bond. The milestones."

"Milestones?"

"Yes. There are four in total: the meeting, the acknowledgment, venom transfer, and claiming."

"Claiming? Like when you said he claimed me in front of everyone?"

Rosalie laughed. "No, that wasn't the correct term for that. Claiming your mate is just a fanciful term used for sex."

It sounded so primal. "You just said some mated couples are just friends. These milestones are…optional?"

"You can accomplish all milestones and still remain friends."

An uncomfortable feeling settled in my chest. I looked at her. "That's it?"

I was sure that she could sense my trepidation. "The mating bond is a very interesting phenomenon," she explained. "It's like a very progressive idea of a muscle. It'll keep strengthening the more you progress and work on it. If you don't, it'll begin to cry and warn you. You'll feel that warning if you're apart for too long. The strengthening comes from the milestones, but the more you are together—supporting, respecting, and protecting one another—that'll add tremendously to your connection. Its purpose is to draw you together—not tear you apart."

"Jasper has the protection part down. The respect and support…"

Rosalie smiled tightly, and the look of sympathy washed over her features again. It angered me beyond belief when I realized just what that meant. Pity.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I demanded.

She was quiet for a while. "Jasper is a hard person, Elise. Being mated to a man who has tried so hard so break your bond… it's unthinkable."

I thought about her and Emmett. "It seems like such a beautiful idea. What you and Emmett have is so sweet. How did you progress in your relationship?"

"It came very naturally," she said. "The respect part was easy. But the trust took some time. It was hard for me to trust men for a long time, but the more time I spent with Emmett, and the more we acknowledged what we shared, it became real. And it became more than I could even comprehend." Her brows furrowed. "I can't imagine living in this world without him."

That was an interesting point. "If something happened to Emmett, what would you do?"

Her shoulders stiffened. "I can't even think about that reality." She glanced at me. "But I think Jasper thinks about that all the time with you. That's where his protective nature kicks in. If you died, he knows he wouldn't survive it."

That sounded too intense to be true. "Jasper would probably be better off without me."

"No. The pain of a mate being torn apart is one thing. The pain of losing a mate forever is something that… I can't even think about. I don't blame him for being cautious."

"He said he would have to kill anyone if they succeeded in tearing me apart. Which is just ridiculous, right?"

I waited for her to completely agree with me. But she didn't. "It's an act of dominance. It's a message to anyone who even has the thought of harming you."

"It's a power trip."

She shook her head. "It's a threat. We can only be killed if we're torn apart and lit on fire. Anything close enough to even hint at your death, Jasper will do his best to eliminate."

"Jesus. I'm learning how to fight. That's all it is. Would Emmett go this far?"

She smiled fondly. "Emmett is definitely more reasonable than Jasper, but your mate holds a great position of power here. He needs to make that statement to the recruits."

I frowned. "How did you know that you and Emmett were the romantic type?"

She shook her head, clearly seeing through the question. "You're overthinking this. Nature will push you to what your relationship needs. Sure, the bond will keep you together, but romanticism is a separate thing. So, if you're perfectly content with being friends, that's fine."

I thought of when Jasper had kissed me. When I kissed him. When his proximity today clouded all thought.

"The more we check-off milestones, the closer we are?"

She nodded. "You're already at… three out of four."

"Oh, no," I stopped us. "We haven't had sex."

"I know. That's the one you're missing."

I looked at her incredulously. "I thought the rumors at camp would've told you otherwise."

"Those rumors were baseless." She rolled her eyes. "Jasper's scent is barely on you. No one should believe that you've been having sex."

"Interesting," I murmured, then drew out a finger as I counted out the milestones she had mentioned. "Meeting, got that. Acknowledging, got that. Venom transfer?"

"Ah, that one was simple," she said. "Jasper killed you. His venom is already in your body."

I felt like I could shiver. "How… invasive."

"His venom—now yours, as well—gave you immortal life. It strengthened your bond. You can shift your perspective to see it as a positive, and I think it will make you happier."

My mood soured the more I compared what I had with Jasper to all of the couples around me. "Surely, Rosalie, you and Emmett can agree that murder is wrong. You both value human life. You care about others. Family is important to both of you. What happens when your basic values don't align?"

"You compromise."

I narrowed my eyes. "I will never be okay with murder."

"I'm not saying you have to be. When you go out there and eat criminals for dinner, isn't that considered murder? I bet Jasper would have the same argument."

I wanted to rip my hair out with what I said next. "He keeps women in rooms, in cabins all across the country, and sips at them like aged wine. I will never agree to any of that."

"Is that something he's continuing?"

I didn't know. "Does it matter? He did it."

"And you betrayed him and us. We don't actively blame you for your mistakes, Elise. Move on."

"That's my point," I spat. "He doesn't think they're mistakes."

Her attitude shifted, and I saw her sterner self emerge. "This is not something that you should be telling me. Communicate with him. Tell him what you're feeling. _Show_ him what you're feeling—you can do that. If Jasper will have a soft spot for anyone, it's going to be for you. And hell, maybe you two just need to complete your milestones."

* * *

That evening, Jasper and I walked into the city. I immediately began to scan our surroundings, keeping my senses open to any trouble that could result in dinner.

I peeked over at my companion, and realized that he wasn't really a companion during these trips. When you went out to dinner, you expected the other person to eat as well. Jasper merely walked beside me and helped me clean up. I felt like more like a baby who needed to be fed rather than a woman who was out for the night.

"Are you hungry?" I asked.

He gave me a sideways glance. "I eat after you do. Usually."

"Why don't you hunt now?"

"Well, the princess doesn't like the gore."

I narrowed my eyes. "The princess doesn't like cruel and unusual feeding methods."

"What do you think I do?" He looked at me head on. "Seriously. What do you think I do when I hunt?"

"If what I wrote in my journal is correct—"

"I don't have time for that anymore," he interrupted. "I hunt the same way you do, but I'm a little less picky with my options."

"So, the cabins are…"

"There are no human blood bags in any of my cabins."

There was an odd glimmer of sincerity in his eyes, which I found myself appreciating.

He clasped his hands behind his back as we walked. "I don't agree with how restrictive your diet is. I never will," he said. "But as I've mentioned before, I respect it."

But that wasn't hard for him. "I'm sorry, Jasper, but I can't respect your…hobbies."

"But you can respect that I'll hunt like most everyone else?"

That was reasonable. "Sure."

"Then, we're good."

My eyebrows rose. "What does that mean?"

A little smile formed on his lips. "I would love to tell you that I'm switching up my beliefs for you, but that just isn't the truth. With the Cullens, I had to maintain my eye color. Little meals here and there were the only way I could consume what I wanted. Now, there is no reason to hide."

It would've been too good to be true for him to adapt to my values just because I wanted him to. "You've stopped stealing women and caging them because of circumstantial factors. Not because you're going easy on my feelings."

"Coddling you isn't the route I've taken before."

"But killing the next person that attempts to train with me isn't coddling?"

I felt the cool, unsettling breeze come out of an alley we were walking by. The damp smell of rain on the cracked concrete wafted out.

My next step didn't make it to the ground. I was spun around, and the lights dimmed around me as the alleyway threw its shadows over me. I felt the cool wall on my back, and my reflexes kicked in. I jerked my knee forward to destabilize my opponent and swiped my arms in front of me to get a hold of a neck. With my mind kicked into a defensive gear, I didn't see Jasper. I saw a threat.

As I kept lashing out, I felt slow. Jasper countered my hands with his forearms. He took a wider stance so my feet couldn't reach him the way I wanted them to.

Finally, I took a moment to blink, and he had me firmly plastered against the wall with his right hand a fist around my neck. I was completely immobilized.

The force he exerted wasn't much at all. I could break free easily. But his scent overpowered the alley. His mere presence was breaking me out of my defensive instincts.

He applied a little more pressure with his hand. "Now this," he whispered. "This is dangerous. Trapped like this, with firm force on your neck—it would be very easy to remove that pretty little head of yours."

I wasn't prepared for this mini-training session. His hand left my neck and then came up to my chin, then to my cheek. I hadn't realized that I was on my toes until I slid down to my feet. "And protecting you is not coddling. It's instinct."

He leaned in, and I thought he might kiss me. But his head bent and nestled in the crook of my neck. I felt his chest rise as he breathed in. Breathed me in.

Electricity ran from my chest to my toes as my hands came up around slowly and rested on his upper back. I felt him stiffen at the contact, and then I realized that I was actively pushing him into me. His lips widened to a grin on my skin as I pushed my head back against the wall, opening up my neck further. His nose traced down to my collarbone, his breath fanning my chest.

"Sunshine," he murmured.

The feeling running through my body was addicting. I had been on fire during my change, but this was a whole new category of heat. If my venom could boil, it was getting close to its boiling point. My hands and arms pulled him closer, if even possible. I felt his other hand on my hip, and his torso was pressed firmly to mine.  
When his head came back up, he pressed his lips to where my jugular failed to pulse. His right hand brushed down my cheek and rested on my shoulder. Pulling back, he looked at me.

"You must be hungry."

I realized that my eyes were closed, and his voice popped them open. I licked my lips and examined him. His eyes were a darker shade of red than they had been before.

"I am," I said, feeling unusually breathless—my voice low, and unrecognizable to me.

Mischief played in his eyes as they darted from my neck and back to my eyes. "What for, I wonder?"

I used my foot to push myself off of the wall behind me. Jasper gladly stepped out of the way. There was something different in his expression. Playfulness? Predatory instinct? Both?

I swallowed. "Blood. I want blood."

His eyes darted to my throat, then back to me. His mind was elsewhere "I like the way you react to me. I always have."

I heard people walking by on the sidewalk, some peering into the alley.

"Your vampiric charm was very effective, I imagine."

"There's no vampiric charm right now, sweetheart."

That was true. Now, it was the rope of the bond. "Your eyes are dark."

"You should see yours."

I averted his eyes. He knew more about all of this than I did. "What does that mean?"

The smile he gave me was challenging, but soft. When he took a step forward, I stayed put. He was close enough that my nose almost touched his upper chest.

He opened his left palm towards me, then took his right hand and drew a fingernail across the skin. I flinched slightly at the site of the wound. Venom dripped down his hand, and he dabbed some with his right forefinger.

"It means," he said. "That there are things that cannot be satisfied with just blood."

I fixated on his palm. "What things?"

He lifted his finger to me. "Things."

As I looked at the liquid on his finger, my eyes widened.

_…_

_"I want you to tell me what this tastes like."_

_…_

_"Sweet cream."_

_…_

"We did this before," I whispered.

"We did."

I looked up at him, and noticed that he was watching me very closely. Keeping my eyes on his, I leaned forward and took his finger in my mouth. Blood was sweet, but this was candy. My eyes closed involuntarily, and I enjoyed the tingling sensation on my lips and tongue as I tasted his venom. Our venom.

My tongue came up against his finger, searching for more.

"Elise," he groaned, and began to pull his finger back. He drew me back with him until I was on my toes. My face was inches away from his when he finally withdrew his finger. When I felt his absence on my lips, I met his.

I kissed him slowly and pushed him back until he collided with the other side of the alley. I moaned into his mouth as his hand found my waist. My hands tangled into his hair as I breathed him in.

His kisses were light, while mine were demanding. It was a very unexpected imbalance of power. He stepped forward and took my momentary pause to flip me to the wall. As my hands ran up his sides, onto his chest, and around his neck, Jasper pulled them up and pinned them above my head. I struggled gently as I fought to reach his lips.

"We are not doing this in an alley," he said lowly into my ear.

But our venom was delicious, and we were one milestone away from completing them all. I looked up at him innocently. "What exactly are we doing?"

He reached down to plant a simple kiss on my lips before releasing me. "Nothing. You're having dinner."

I leaned back against the wall and crossed my arms. "So are you. Eat with me."

I caught his moment of hesitation. He shifted back a little on his feet and the intensity of his gaze on me wavered.

"Do you trust me to not run off?" I questioned.

The corner of his mouth turned up into a little smile. "No."

"Really?"

He sighed, his eyes flickering to the street. "I'll meet you back here in twenty minutes."

I gave him a big smile and started to step out onto the street, but he caught my wrist.

"If you pull anything," he warned. "I will know."

"I won't run."

"Why?"

I tugged my wrist free. "Because I'm not going to be the one that ignores what's happening between us."

* * *

**A/N: Closer, but is it close enough?**

**This will be the last chapter posted this year. See you all in 2021.**


	16. Someday

Previously:

_"I won't run."_

_"Why?"_

_I tugged my wrist free. "Because I'm not going to be the one that ignores what's happening between us."_

* * *

**Jasper**

I had already taken two humans tonight, and I still searched for a third. The hunger that consumed me wasn't for blood. Not at all. But the blood was a slight distraction.

I caught a young man who had picked the wrong alley to walk by and dragged him into the depths. His neck cracked when I pulled his head to the side, and I drank. I drank until the nectar was all I could think about. I drank until the tightness in my jeans eased. I drank until my eyes closed, and my thoughts stilled to a halt.

After disposal, I headed back to our agreed spot and waited.

As I wiped some blood from my lips, I saw her appear at the mouth of the alley. Dribbles of blood stained her cheek, but her clothing was free of any wrinkles. She maintained the poise she had inherited from the Cullens.

Her red eyes glimmered beneath the moonlight as they widened. She stiffened slightly and her lips parted. She didn't look like she had enough to drink, but I definitely knew that she had. Her hunger wasn't for blood, either. Without words, she prowled slowly towards me.

"How many did you have?" She asked when she was within reach. Her voice low, raw.

"Three."

Her eyes fixated on my lips, where the blood had smeared from when I tried to wipe it. She reached up on her toes and kissed me, tasting the three I had killed.

She pulled back, her eyes wide open. "Your eyes are still dark."

"Yours are getting darker."

Which meant we really had to be going. This alley was not doing us any good.

I grabbed her wrist and tugged her to the road. She obliged quietly, and we made our way out of the city, and into the woods.

The silence between us was tense, and she decided to break it the closer we came to the metal fence.

"I don't want to go back yet." A pull on my hand stopped me.

I turned to her deep mahogany eyes. "I know."

"You know, but you're dragging me back."

I nudged for us to keep walking, but she held my hand. "I thought you always finished what you started."

My eyes snapped to hers. "What exactly did I start?"

Closer, she was closer. Her scent overtook everything. Her other hand came up and grabbed onto my shirt. "Something that you're really bad at stopping."

The tone of her voice, the smell of her skin—I wanted to bathe in the impact she had on me. Clouded thoughts, waste of reasoning, sweet numbness to the world around us.

Her palms were on my face, dragging me down to hers. But she didn't kiss me. Her face turned and she buried herself in my neck. I felt her breathe in deeply as my hands explored down to her waist.

And then everything stopped.

A pinch of pain whispered down my spine.

And I felt… dizzy.

Elise's fingers dug into my shoulders as she pressed into me. Her breasts against my chest. Her breath on me. Her lips on my throat.

Her teeth in my skin.

A low growl erupted from my chest, but it didn't deter her one bit as she drank. I stood, paralyzed. The feeling of being bitten wasn't new—it should've been painful; I expected the soreness to pulse down my body. But the feeling of losing venom through her lips was an entirely different experience. I was in flames—exposed, sensitive, and utterly willing to give.

And then, her teeth withdrew. Her eyes closed, she pulled back slightly, then ran her tongue over the scar she inflicted. My hold tightened on her as my venom grew too hot for my veins.

A drop of it ran down the corner of her mouth.

And when she opened her eyes, they were black.

But I was pretty sure mine were worse. I spun her around and pressed her to the nearest tree, her back facing me. I leaned into her ear, and whispered roughly. "Are you trying to get me to lose my mind?"

She squirmed, but not to be free. She pressed up against me for entirely different reasons. I inserted my thigh between hers, opening up her stance against the tree. I pressed a forearm to her upper back to keep her in place as my other hand came up to feel the mark she would forever leave on my neck.

As my fingers examined her infliction, realization dawned on me.

A newly mated newborn.

Fucking hell.

I leaned back into her ear, then quickly grabbed her hands that were coming up to claw at me. I pinned them above her head, and pressed her harder into the bark. The tree groaned with the force.

"Elise. There is nothing more that I want than to fuck you against this tree. Believe me."

She struggled against me, and the friction was an absolute bitch.

"But I would be a very dishonorable man if I took advantage of this situation."

A growl emanated from her lips.

"You're consumed by your bloodlust—mixed in with a healthy dose of sexual need. Your newborn state will make this worse. You need to think. Control."

Even though she had just fed, there really was no end to the newborn thirst. But any other lust would only feed it. And all she felt right now was lust—no matter the kind.

She turned her head and her teeth snapped dangerously close to my chin. She wanted more venom. She wanted way more than just venom.

And even in the haze, she was clever enough that she knew the weaponry in her arsenal.

I stiffened behind her when I felt my senses dampen with waves of lust, desire, and need. Her feelings crushed over me like a tsunami, and I braced myself for their momentum. Her frenzy fed itself when her feelings began to bounce off of my gift and go straight back to her.

This was a nightmare.

Because I was losing control.

I began to sort through everything she was throwing at me to stop the feedback loop, but it wavered my self control. Elise was my mate, but I hadn't claimed her. The bond constantly pushed me back to her. To take her. To make her mine more than she already was.

I grabbed her chin and turned her face from the tree, capturing her lips. I could taste the venom she had drawn from me. And she returned the kiss. Hungry. Starved beyond belief.

I swept my foot underneath her to knock her balance and then tackled her to the dirt. I pinned her to the ground and hovered over her.

"Stop," I growled, but my lips were on her jaw. Tasting. Nipping. Devouring. When I trailed down to her neck, she gladly craned her neck to the side. I blinked once. Twice. Fighting the feelings she was filling me with. Fighting for an ounce of control.

I brought my hand up from her shoulder to curl my fingers around her throat. A disarming move. I pressed her to the ground through her windpipe.

"Stop," I whispered, as she struggled beneath me. After a few seconds, her fight slowed. The trees swayed. The clouds moved above. Finally, I leaned down to kiss her.

She mumbled something against my lips, and I pulled back. " _You_ stop."

I immediately got off of her, giving her as much space as possible. She propped herself up on her hands as she sat up. I tasted a flash of disbelief and a hint of embarrassment before she built her shield back up.

"You don't have to say anything," I assured her, a few feet away. "I should've expected this."

"This?" Her voice was raw.

I approached her slowly. When she didn't react adversely, I sat beside her. "I shouldn't have given you a taste of the venom. That was my fault. It triggered the frenzy. When you had blood, it made it worse."

She looked disoriented, and she wouldn't look at me. "We almost just—"

"It wasn't the time. And I wouldn't do that to you."

She had no words. Her knees came up to her chest, and then she leaned her head on my shoulder. Her head turned to look at my neck. "I bit you."

"I've told you before—sharing venom is an intimate move between mates."

Hesitantly, she put her fingers on the little scar on my neck. "Did it hurt? Will it fade?"

"I've never felt anything like it before," I admitted. "It was not unpleasant. And it will not fade."

She didn't seem like she knew what to say. So, she settled with, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

She glanced away. "I wanted it. You. So badly. I remember it all, but I had no control. And you choked me out of it."

"If you were in the same state, and a baby was bleeding before you, you would've wanted to drain it in a heartbeat. Morals be damned."

"Babies are off limits?"

"To you, I imagine."

She raised her head and looked at me. And then I felt her lips against mine. It was innocent. Sweet. Grateful. "Thank you."

Her gaze flowed from me over to the tree I had just held her against. "But you really wanted to take me against that tree?"

I stood to my feet. "Someday."

* * *

I opened the door to my room. Our room. The sun had a few hours before it came up to start the day. There was eerie sense of peace in the early morning, and an even more odd feeling of surrender between us.

Elise took a seat at my desk and stared out the open door. I closed it.

"I'm leaving at sunrise."

Her eyes snapped to mine. "Where are you going?"

"Michigan."

"For Damon?"

I nodded. "You weren't far from home when Damon took you. Did you know that?"

She shook her head, no.

"The Jovu base is in Michigan. They might have had more labs across the country—we don't know. But our tracker was able to grab his scent in Volterra. Damon's been back at the Michigan lab recently."

"How did your tracker know what Damon looked like?"

"Through Peter's guidance."

She nodded with a frown. "Are you going to kill him?"

I moved forward to stand by her side, my hand resting on the back of her chair. "Not yet."

For an instant, I thought she would protest. I thought she would've demanded that he be killed on first sight. Instead, her tone was flat. "You have your reasons."

I immediately knelt beside her, my hand finding her knee. "He will die. And if you wish to do it yourself, you should have that privilege."

She looked down at me. "You're not doing this for me."

Not entirely. "There are many reasons why he needs to live. For now." I added. "But I will not deny your right to end it yourself."

"I thought revenge wasn't your thing."

This was different. "You have been a continuous exception to many of my beliefs, Elise Adams."

Her eyes watched me carefully, only recently attempting to reach their bright red hue. "It seems that feeling is mutual." Her fingers reached up to touch her lips. "But I can respect your nature, as long as you can control it."

Her fingertips lingered on her mouth, as if she was still in awe of the events that had transpired in the woods. But prior to that, she had tasted the humans I had consumed. Did that bring guilt? Shame?

"I will train today," she said, almost to herself. "You won't be here to intervene, will you?"

My jaw was tight as I stared at her. I knew the demonstration with Bryce would've left recruits with unease. It wouldn't be easy to approach Elise, and it certainly wouldn't be easy to partner with her in a fight. If the word got back to me that she had been harmed, they knew that there would be consequences.

"I don't want to intervene," I said quietly.

"What?"

"I agree with what you said. You need the experience."

Her eyes lightened ever so slightly. "Are you fucking with me?"

A tight smile spread across my lips. "No."

She jerked to move, but I pressed my hand firmly onto her thigh. "Listen. I will not stand by and watch you get hurt. It's not something I want to see. It's not something I want to feel." I paused. "But I'm leaving today. I won't be here to stop anyone from tearing you to bits."

"It's not easy for you," she observed.

"It's never been easy for me."

Elise toyed with her hair. "But you'd still kill anyone who hurt me."

"Which is why I don't think anyone at camp would even try."

She looked away. "I hope you see how crappy this is. You're giving me the illusion that you accept my argument. You seem like you understand that I need the experience of being torn apart—the experience of actually fighting. But you also know that no one will even dare to give me that experience given what you pulled with Bryce. It's just…"

"Unfair?"

"Ridiculously unfair. You're such a dick."

She didn't seem mad with her fiery words. She seemed jaded more than anything.

Moments passed. Seconds. Her hand came up and rested on her chest.

"There's something so raw between us," she finally said. "And damn, I can anticipate how it's going to feel to watch you leave." Her hand pressed more firmly over her heart.

"I would take you with me," I said. "But it would ruin the move with Damon."

Her eyes narrowed as I could see an idea form, and she was up on her feet in an instant. She stepped closer to me with each word. "Tell Peter off. I'm hunting on my own."

"No."

"I won't run."

I ran my hand through my hair. "It's not about you running. It's never been about you running."

She shook her head. "What? Protection? Do you know how insulting that is?"

"Not endearing?"

"Not one bit."

I grabbed her chin and leaned down to her ear. I whispered sharply. "I don't trust anyone here with you besides Peter. Not the Cullens. Not your Claudia."

"I can protect myself."

"I'm not taking that risk. There are a lot of people who would love to stab me in the back, and they would love to do it through you. It will hurt to hear, but you are a liability."

"Oh, my heart." She rolled her eyes. "Peter can tail me if he wants, but I don't need a chaperone."

She didn't understand. "You're still a prisoner to the eyes of the alliance until your sentence is up."

"In six weeks," she added proudly.

I nodded, grave. "You can't be seen going in and out of camp without accompaniment."

She growled lowly and pushed off of me. "I hate this. I hate all of this."

I grabbed her arm and pulled her back to me. Her expression was dark with anger. I reached up and lightly feathered my fingers over her forehead, smoothing out the wrinkles and frustration. Then, I bent down and nuzzled her neck, drawing in her sweet scent, and locking it into memory. I wasn't going to be gone for too long, but I wanted this to remain with me until I returned.

Her struggles were short lived as her body grew heavier in my grip. Her arms came up and her hands locked behind my neck. When I drew back to look at her, her momentary rage had dissipated to serenity. She looked at me with calm, almost tired eyes.

"Be back soon."

My lips found her forehead. "Absolutely."

* * *

**A/N: I've been playing with the idea of mating for a while. Elise's frenzy is something that made sense to me given that she's a newborn who's very new to a mating bond. Control is very hard to come by in those early stages of vampiric life, and I thought I would show some of that here.**

**I'm actively looking for new material to read. If you have any suggestions for stories within the Twilight universe, I would be happy to take them. If it's something you're actively working on, I would be even more delighted to read and provide feedback. Drop a comment with your recommendation.**


	17. Business

Previously:

_"Be back soon."_

_My lips found her forehead. "Absolutely."_

* * *

**Jasper**

I pushed past the feelings of doubt. The feelings of being bound. The feelings of uncertainty.

The temperature dipped the further North I got. It was winter. It was expected. Snow came down slowly, but surely.

The Jovu's base was mostly a ruin. At its best, it had been a large compound comprised of multiple isolated buildings. There had been a courtyard, and the tallest structure was three stories. Half of the buildings were torn into the ground, the other half looked burnt. Nothing seemed stable. Everything was crumbled.

Liam and I observed the area from afar. He stared intently at the opposite edge of the ruins as he honed into his tracking. We had stopped outside of Michigan when he caught the scent we were looking for. Damon had indeed been coming back to Michigan. Multiple times.

"How was Volterra?" I asked him. Liam had made the trip a few weeks ago to internalize Damon's scent.

"A mess," he whispered, still in concentration. "It's too quiet there. No one speaks. It's hard to understand what's going on, if anything is."

The snow grew lighter, and Liam took a step forward. If he could put his nose down into the ground, I'd wager he would. "Yes, it's getting stronger."

The wind picked up, carrying any and all scents towards us. The snow wasn't as good as rain when it came to hiding your presence.

"He's coming. He's alone."

I put an arm up, pushing him back. "Stay here."

He broke his concentration and gave me a nod.

I started a light jog forward, and ran the half a mile that it took to reach the ruins. There was only one distinct scent that I could discern, and it smelled of wet wood. My boots crunched against broken glass and concrete as I looked around. There were pieces of burnt cloth sheets, dented canned goods, and just too much glass.

There was movement within the trees, and the smell of drenched wood wafted through the area. Right then and there, I decided that this scent was not one I would forget until it was removed from this earth. Forever.

I looked around the ruins, inspecting the area. Demonstrating interest. I bent down to touch some broken pipes, and then my fingers caught on some crumbled pieces of paper.

"Hello?"

I remained low near the ground and looked up at the man inching closer. Bigger build, dark hair. The only scent that remained here was his. This was Damon Vouvali.

He carried himself with authority, but I could already feel his distrust creeping in. There was no fear in his emotions as he approached me slowly.

"Hello," I called out and stood to my feet. I looked down at the ruins around me. "Amazing, isn't it?"

Damon stopped a few feet way and stared at me. "Who are you?"

My skin crawled with disgust, and the desire to rip, and tear, and destroy brewed deep beneath me. But this was an expedition for knowledge. This had to be diplomatic. Civil. Perhaps even friendly.

"Jesse." I extended a hand, but he didn't move forward to take it. "Just passing by. I've heard some stories and I couldn't help but stop to explore."

He crossed his arms. "Stories?"

I nodded, plastering a small grin. "About this coven that resided here. Do you know about them? It was a great feat, if you ask me."

"A great feat?" He enunciated.

"Yes," I nodded, looking around. "I've always been a man of science. The stories I've been hearing about human experimentation… it's surprising that it hasn't been done before. I came here in hopes to satiate my curiosity."

His arms came down, and I felt his distrust waver and thin out. The lines on his forehead smoothed and his eyes readjusted out of suspicion. "Jesse," he acknowledged, and took a few steps towards me. "Damon."

I shook his hand, keeping my mind empty and aloof—far away from thoughts of Elise. Because I knew that the moment she grazed my thoughts, I wouldn't be able to be this civil towards the man who had caused her unrelenting pain.

"Damon," I said questioningly, holding onto his hand. "Damon Vouvali?"

He drew his hand back, and I felt a wave of distrust. In return, I fed him a light current of calm.

I kept my face in an expression filled with awe—absolutely starstruck. "You were behind these experiments?" I took a few steps back to show my staggering shock. I looked down at the crumbled stone and scorched pieces of paper. "I didn't expect to meet the mastermind."

Damon shifted on his feet and a brief grin appeared on his lips. "That is correct."

"Another man of science," I acknowledged.

"It appears so. My coven, the Jovu—we were very successful with our experiments."

"So it's true? The stories?"

He tilted his head to side. "I'm not sure what stories you were told, but you came to the right place. This used to be our main lab. Now, not so much."

"I've heard. The Volturi weren't very happy with you."

"No," he paused, then smirked. "But they are now."

"Oh?"

"Tell me, Jesse. Are you gifted?"

I painted a frown on my lips. "No."

"If only you were human. The gifts we could spark in you would have been life changing."

I looked at him, excitement brewing in my eyes. "It works? The venom?"

He gave me a simple, knowing nod. "It's phenomenal. It should be documented. Shared. Presented."

"What sort of gifts have you been able to spark?"

I caught the twinkle in his eye. "The data is promising. We've had invisibility, telepathy, telekinesis, levitation…most were weakened powers, since none of the subjects had the opportunity to turn and really expand their powers. But the most amazing of it all was that we were able to trigger two gifts in one human."

I paused, catching my thoughts and pushing them away. "Two gifts?"

"Two," he looked at me with wide, excited eyes. "She was incredible. She was a shield, first and foremost. Powerful, even as a human."

My thoughts slipped, and my anger did as well. I looked away.

"And then when we thought we couldn't push her further, we sparked a second gift. She could predict the end of mortality on each human she saw. She could predict death."

I cleared my throat. "How do you _push_ your patients?"

"Well, the venom, right?" He walked around me and kicked at some broken glass. "Once the venom is in their bodies, the only way out is if they're killed or turned. The longer we keep them alive, the more we push their bodies to spark _something._ "

I couldn't look at him. I knew if I did, his arms would be on the ground, and his head would be twenty yards out.

"That's incredible," I got out, as I stepped away from him, pretending to look down at the rubble, examining the surroundings.

"It is. She was." And when he uttered the next words, I wanted to lunge. "Adams. Elise Adams."

Seconds passed before I could compose myself enough to speak. "Incredible."

"It would've been more incredible if I still had her."

"What happened to her?"

"She was turned. And she escaped, but she needs to be found."

I gave him a look of surprise before turning away. "What a story. Is she more powerful as a vampire?"

"I would assume so," he said. "Aro is very enticed by the thought of her."

"The king?"

"He cares about power, and her shield is powerful enough to catch his attention. But unfortunately, Aro doesn't care much for documentation." Damon frowned. "He would like to see proof of the two gifts. In person."

I nodded. "Sounds like our paranoid king." I kicked a rock of concrete, gesturing to our surroundings, and the destruction. "But why the Volturi did this is beyond me."

"It was a shock to our system," he admitted. "We didn't expect them to retaliate the way they did, even given the exposure law. We thought the benefits outweighed the crime."

"Do you think the experiments will be more prevalent? Will they amend the exposure law to allow this sort of experimentation?"

He ran hand over his jaw. "It's an interesting question. I'm not sure. They're warming up to the idea."

I asked him an important question. "How long is your sentence?"

He only smiled. "No sentence."

Not surprising at all. "But the raid—"

"I gave them some information they desperately needed to condemn someone else instead."

I flashed a look of admiration across my face. "A trade."

"Yes. A sentence for a sentence. But I quite like Volterra. Have you been?"

"No."

"Then you haven't met the kings. You could say what you want about them, but I admire the power they possess."

"They are powerful," I agreed.

"Joining their ranks wouldn't be a stupid thing to do. A scientific man such as yourself would probably appreciate the protection."

I watched him as he spoke, noting just how much he spoke. "Is that what you would like to do?"

"Join the Volturi?" His gaze flickered to the sky. "If I can deliver the girl, I will be in a very good position within their ranks."

"And they will let you continue to pursue this scientific milestone within their protection?"

His smile seemed genuine, but there was nothing genuine about him. "That's the hope. They've already started to test the waters with the venom. After all, our quickest spark of gifts came in around two years."

My eyes widened. "That's a long time for one experiment."

"We were a very patient coven."

"Obviously," I muttered. "It takes two years to achieve results?"

"That is what our data indicates, in the minimum."

I cursed inwardly. My hands clenched into fists behind me, then unclenched. I looked at him. "Do you have some time to chat? I would really like to learn more about this. It hasn't left my mind since the moment I've heard about the experiments."

I caught the fleeting feeling of pride that flowed out of him. He was proud of his work. He was proud of what he did to Elise. I wanted to lure him away from here just to kill him, but I knew that was just reckless, emotional behavior.

"Anyone who would like to talk about the evolution of scientific exploration within the vampiric community is welcome here." He gestured to the forestry. "Let's head out to the nearest city. Maybe grab a bite. And we can discuss this further."

I followed him into the woods after sending a quick text to Liam. His work here was done.

* * *

Damon Vouvali didn't have the unpredictability I would've expected as someone I had perceived as a mad scientist. He was calm, collected, and civil. He demonstrated passion for his work, and talked about it endlessly. He talked way too much, for the record, but it served to my advantage. As we roamed the outskirts of Detroit, he remained an endless tape of information that I quickly and carefully absorbed.

"My coven had thought about this for years as we observed the technological advances of human kind," he continued. "How could our community—the brilliant, indestructible, and endlessly intelligent beings—not have any progress within our own world? Experimentation, curiosity… it's the very thing that will spark change."

"Brilliant," I muttered, as I always did.

"You might ask if it was hard to take so many humans and confine them into a lab." He turned to me. "What we did was necessary."

I could only nod.

"Humans confine animals and test on them endlessly," he said. "I suppose—what an animal is to a human is what a human is to us."

My mouth slammed shut very quickly as my mind fought me, filling me with thoughts of Elise. Human Elise. My position on this matter was strictly aligned with that of Damon's. I couldn't refute his claims. I shared the same opinions.

I quickly realized that I had been too quiet, so I added to the conversation. "Exactly. Do you know that some covens follow this… vegetarian diet? If only they understood exactly what you said. We see humans the same way humans see animals. Simple. Morals don't need to be that complicated."

"It's interesting that you mentioned the vegetarian diet," he paused. "Do you by chance know of Carlisle Cullen?"

I shook my head. "The only vegetarians I have heard of by name are the Denali."

"That's pretty close," he remarked. "Carlisle Cullen has been using venom on humans as well. Possibly long before us."

"What was he doing?"

"He posed as a doctor, and he used the venom's healing qualities on his patients."

"Seems… risky. Do the Volturi know?"

He gave me a smirk. "They do now. That was the trade I made. The Cullen wiped out my sentence."

I decided to throw him a friendly bone. "Fascinating. And from what it sounds like, what this Carlisle did weighed heavier on the crime side than your experimentations. You kept your humans confined. He openly treated patients. That is a very stupid risk to take under exposure."

He nodded appreciatively. "Precisely, Jesse. Precisely."

I didn't want to ask, but I knew I wanted to hear him say it. "How did you find out about his crime?"

And he didn't even hesitate. "That girl I mentioned? Her shield came in handy for this purpose. I planted her inside their heavily gifted coven. They had a mind-reader, so she was perfect for the job to remain undercover."

I looked at him, confused. "But you must have expected some sort of misconduct from their coven if you planted her there."

"It wasn't a complete shot in the dark," he explained. "Aro had been looking for reasons to indict the Cullens; they have a lot of gifted. And their coven is large compared to most. There must have been some dirty laundry in there somewhere."

"And there was."

"Indeed," he paused, then looked at me curiously. "It's been very pleasant talking with you. Most aren't very open to these conversations."

"Most live in very closed-off minds."

We stopped on a hillside, and the clouded sky was getting dimmer as the sun was setting in the background. "Have I satiated your curiosity?"

"I've learned more than I could ever imagine," I told him. "I do have one more question."

"Please." He gestured for me to go on.

I already knew the answer, but I hoped the topic directed him in the direction I needed him to go. "How does the venom not turn the subject?"

"Ah," he said. "Great question. We inject them with very small amounts of venom. Now, this amount must be precisely calculated per human—their body weight and height must be taken into consideration before giving them the correct dose. The ratio of their cells to the venomous cells must be to the dot."

I nodded as he continued. "Of course, the rate at which the dose is given is important, as well. If you overwhelm the system all at once, the human's bodily response will go into overdrive. They will kill themselves trying to fight the infection."

And right then and there, I had realized my mistake with my haphazard attempts at replicating his work.

"The dose must be given steadily over a few days, perhaps even a week," he finished.

Said out loud, it made sense. But I knew without the paperwork or the data, it would be very hard to completely replicate the Jovu's experiments. "I'm still in awe by this information."

"You should be. It's revolutionary."

"Have you considered publishing this in any way or form?"

"Absolutely." He turned to me. "But only after I get the full approval from the Volturi. They remain skeptical even though they've started with the experiments. I need to show them the girl. I need them to see the evidence, and the possibilities."

I bit my inner cheek. "You better find that girl, then."

"I will." He nodded, almost to himself. "If I can get into contact with her, I think I'll have a good chance of convincing her to come back." He glanced over at me. "Violence never really works with women. They don't like to be captured. Taken."

I wasn't sure anyone liked any of those things—woman or not.

"They like to be talked through," he continued. "They liked to be convinced."

I glanced over at him. "What do you have that could be so convincing?"

Mischief flashed across his face. "I have her mother."

I willed my face to remain expressionless—because that was easier than trying to attempt any positive emotion when I felt my temper begin to boil. I had known the two possible outcomes regarding the fate of Elise's parents. They could've been captured or killed—the latter being the more favorable option. The news of death came at you quickly and ate you up in seconds. The pain lasted for a while, but eventually faded. However, the knowledge of a loved one being captured gave hope. And hope was deadly. Especially when I wasn't even sure what Damon had done with them in captivity, or what he was currently doing.

But his wording had been clear. Her mother. Not her father. I could easily assume that her father was no more.

"That's a big bargaining chip," I managed to say. "Will it work?"

"I know the girl. I've known her for a long time. I know how her brain works."

He most certainly did not. I watched him as he drew out a phone. He looked at me. "I'm afraid this is where I must leave you, Jesse. It's been a pleasure. I hope we meet again someday."

I saw red in the corners of my eyes when I shook his hand. I found it tough to let him just walk away. My eyes wouldn't leave his form as he slowly faded into the trees ahead. Letting him go only built the rage that was beginning to ignite. The rage I had fought so hard to beat down over the last few hours.

But it had worked.

Controlling my emotions and my feelings got me the ultimate reward.

While not perfect, I had a general sense of the Jovu's procedures, which were painfully slow and gradual. Their experiments required utmost precision, and time.

Time.

Something we did not have.

If Damon was telling the truth, and the Volturi had already begun experiments with the Jovu's guide, the chances of the alliance gaining more gifted before the Volturi were… slim to none. Unless we could spark some gifted before the timeline Damon proposed, we were shit out of luck.

But, given that same timeline, the Volturi wouldn't have access to more gifted for at least two more years. Unless, of course, they managed to beat the data.

I inhaled a deep breath, then turned, and put my fist through the tree behind me. The rage I had suppressed came creeping back, and I felt my hands shake with fury. My time with Damon flipped through my memory like a disgusting movie. And my mind kept going back to the way he had talked about Elise.

Emotions were fucked in situations like this, and I knew it. The fact that I kept any cool near Vouvali was a miracle, but these were the situations where emotional control saved you.

I knew it was a temporary band-aid to whatever brewed within. Suppressing never made it better; it just delayed the outcome. And I felt the pressure sink deep within my bones.

The ache of my mate. It was a burn that threatened to consume reason. Yes, this man had hurt her, and I wanted to absolutely destroy him for all that he had done. But that wasn't reasonable. Not now. The rage had to wait.

Elise's mother had to wait.

This was business.

* * *

**A/N: Business, indeed.**

**Jasper's diplomacy was... expected? Unexpected? Playing dumb around Damon was the strategy to grab more information, but we can clearly see him struggle with Elise's presence in his brain.**


	18. Tension

Previously:

_The ache of my mate. It was a deep burn that threatened to consume reason. Yes, this man had hurt her, and I wanted to absolutely destroy him for all that he had done. But that wasn't reasonable. Not now. The rage had to wait._

_Elise's mother had to wait._

_This was business._

* * *

**Elise**

I watched the sky turn to the beautiful reds and purples of the sun's daily goodbye.

I sat. Alone. Right outside of Jasper's room. The recruits were setting up their bonfire, and Claudia was with them.

I watched her closely and decided to not push myself into their fun. The air was different. It had been different—ever since Jasper made his demonstration, I got more attention than I wanted. And the attention wasn't good.

No one volunteered to pair up with me for training. Kate took it upon herself to spar with me at best. The Cullens, namely Emmett, usually accompanied me to the woods to work on my shield. Everyone was quiet around me, and I didn't push it. Because truthfully, the quiet was welcome. The rumors were gone. The clutter was nonexistent. I just took the time to think. To process. To understand.

Jasper didn't trust any of these people. Which meant I shouldn't either. Right?

I rested my head on my knees and focused on the ache on my chest. It was manageable, but annoying.

Esme came out from behind some rooms and locked her gaze with mine. A small smile crept on her lips as she made her way to me and sat down. "Nice view."

I looked out over to the fire. "The best. How's it going?"

"Not too bad. Where's Jasper?"

I shrugged. "Not here. Where's Carlisle?"

Her smile never wavered. "Not here. I haven't seen him in a while."

"Does your chest hurt, too?"

She tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear. "Not as badly anymore. You get used to it." She examined me. "I saw you out in the circle today. Good news?"

"Not particularly," I grumbled. "Jasper's made it so that I can't actually learn how to do anything useful."

"On the brighter side," she offered. "You only really need to know how to tear skin and disarm. Would experiencing it on your own body help? Maybe. But Jasper would tear off his own limbs before letting that happen to you."

"He isn't even here."

"He doesn't have to be. We all care about you, and we know how important you are to him."

I looked over at her. Jasper didn't even trust her, yet she showed nothing but familial sentiment.

Esme put a comforting arm around me and pulled me to her. "You've grown so much from the girl that fell into our family only a few months ago."

I felt bitter. Not because of her words. Not because of anything that she had done. But because of the toxic feelings of distrust that Jasper had instilled into me. I didn't like it one bit.

"He doesn't trust you, you know," I said lowly. "Not at all."

She didn't even flinch at the information. "Jasper has never trusted me."

"Never? Not even before?"

"Never."

I pulled away from her. "There's nothing normal about any of this. And you're so… poised, and calm."

"And sometimes you have to be. I can't change Jasper's feelings towards my family. We owe each other nothing. But my instinct tells me to care, so I do. I care about him because he was part of my life for a long, long time."

"You're just too kind."

She cocked her head to the side. "Is that a bad thing?"

"He doesn't deserve it."

She didn't respond for a while. "That's definitely not something that I would expect his mate to say."

"I wouldn't expect my mate to kill me, either. But here we are."

She opened her mouth, then closed it. "I understand."

Did she? I didn't think so. "Sometimes, I want to show him that what we have is just… brilliant. That we should embrace it. Because I don't want to ignore it."

"And, other times?"

She knew the conflict I felt. "Sometimes it feels like a waste of time."

When I all but attacked him earlier today—it wasn't anger. It was a fuel of pure need. It was a feeling of helplessness and frustration at why he would deny me the natural right of a mate. But as my thoughts had cleared, I realized that he had stopped me from doing something he thought I wasn't ready for—but fuck, who was he to even decide that?

Did it upset him that I bit him? Then why hadn't he lectured me on my pure act of selfishness? I had inflicted a permanent mark on his skin just to taste the venom in his veins. Why hadn't he fought me off?

I wasn't sure if I deserved to carry the feelings of shame and guilt for losing control around Jasper. Even though he had reassured me that it wasn't something to apologize for, his bewildered, drawn back reaction had done nothing to put me at ease.

When he kissed me, he was careful. When he touched me, he barely did. When I lost control, he pinned me to the ground at my throat to drive the frenzy away. He wanted none of it.

Boots crunched ahead of us. Peter. When he stopped right in front of me, I threw a glance towards Esme. "I guess it's dinner time."

She gave me a light pat on my hand. "I could take you instead." I saw her eyes flicker towards Peter's. "Would that be okay?"

Would that be okay? I looked up at Peter, but his face was stone.

"Elise knows that wouldn't be okay. Come."

I stood and saw fire. Even though I could barely reach his face on my toes, I invaded his space. And my tone was venom. "I. Hate. This."

And I walked past him towards the forestry that would eventually lead into the big city. Peter trailed closely behind.

As I stepped over exposed tree roots and ducked under branches, I called out. "I don't want to see you or hear you."

Peter said nothing.

"You're a ghost. Nada."

Again, silence. He was getting it.

I pushed forward for dinner.

* * *

"Are you done with your attitude?"

I had heard his footsteps on leaves and twigs behind me all the way back from the city. Peter hadn't said a single word the whole trip, which was exactly what I had wanted. Unfortunately, he decided to break his progress.

"I thought I said I didn't want to hear you."

Peter appeared in front of me and I did my best to stop my feet before I slammed into him. "Little bird, you are being unreasonable."

He hadn't referred to me with the nickname in a while. A nickname I still hadn't decided if it insulted me or not.

"Not unreasonable enough."

"You're antsy because Jasper's not here. I get it."

I barked out a laugh. "I'm happy he's not here. Move."

He grabbed my arm. "Stop lashing out on me."

"Stop being my shadow, and I'll consider it."

He stepped in front of me once more. "Elise, you need to keep your emotions in check, because it's not helping you. And it's going to make it very hard for you in six weeks."

My eyes widened in delight. "Yes. In about six weeks, I will have a decision to make, and it won't be a hard decision at all."

Peter took a step each time I tried to circumnavigate around him. Growing frustrated, I stopped, and stared. He took the opportunity. "You need to be very strategic about this decision."

My decision for freedom? "Again, easy."

"No."

"Will you let me go back to my room?"

He didn't even hear me. "Will you think about others for just one moment?"

Was he calling me selfish? "Take a step back Peter. You're pissing me off."

He didn't move. "I'm not even asking for you to think about me. Or Charlotte. Or the Cullens. Just think about Jasper before you make any decisions."

This was suffocating. I just wanted to run. Run, run, run—far, far, far away from the cage I was already in. Jasper would give me the illusion of freedom. When he told me he would let me go, he also told me that he would do everything in his power to get me to stay. But what did that really mean?

At least with the Jovu, I knew my limitations. I knew I would never leave. I knew I was at the end. Here, I had hopes of one day jumping over the fence and never looking back. Hope was always worse.

"Oh. I will definitely think about Jasper when I come to a decision," I sneered. "Believe me."

He held his hands up, and for a moment, I thought he would grab me. I could tell that he was angry, so I took a step back and assumed a fighting stance.

Moments later, his hands came down and he closed his eyes. After releasing a big sigh, he finally looked at me.

Noting my stance, he spoke. "You know I am one of the last people who would ever hurt you."

I crouched lower. "I don't know anything."

"But you do know the effect you have on your mate."

"Yes. Our chests hurt. So sad."

My lips curled back when he stepped closer. His hands raised in surrender once more. "I'm going to say this not because Jasper is my rock within this alliance—but because he is the closest thing to a brother to me."

I stood up straighter. "What?"

"I have never seen him this unstable. I have never seen him this unsure regarding his next move."

I rolled my eyes. "Why? Is he growing a conscious?"

"He cares about you."

"He does a shit job showing it. I've never felt so confused in my life, Peter. I'm caged, yet free. I'm cared about, yet lied to. I don't know what to think half the time. One moment, we're so good that it hurts me when he leaves. The next moment, he's gone, and I'm drowning in regret and fury."

He shook his head. "This isn't about that. This is about you walking out of here in six weeks."

I looked down. "That's what you think I'll do?"

"That's your decision, and I know it."

He wasn't wrong. The base was a huge, dirt filled cage that I couldn't wait to break free from. When Jasper had mentioned that my sentence was ending, it had been the glimmer of hope that kept me going day after day.

But now, it seemed like Peter was very afraid for his friend. Brother.

"I'm not—I'm not ignoring our bond," I started. "In fact, I'm very much for it. I think it's beautiful that something like this even exists. But I can't stay here, Peter. I can't do it."

"You are safe here. With the alliance. With Jasper," he insisted. "Actually, don't stay for the alliance. But consider staying for him."

This time, I took steps toward him. I craned my neck up to look him in the eye. "That's a shit strategy. Jasper himself told me to not stick around to watch the alliance collapse."

"Collapse?"

"That's right," I told him. "I don't believe the alliance has a chance against the Volturi. I have no reason to stay."

"On what basis?" He demanded. "How could you possibly know more than all of the delegates combined?"

I had nothing factual to prove to him. I only had my observations. "There is a clear hole of trust within this organization. I don't think anyone has the full story of anything that's going on. The recruits are training for a war. There hasn't been a dent in the Volturi's guard. The alliance is alright with letting me go before they take down Demetri? It makes no sense to me."

"This is why the delegates exist. The recruits do not have to worry about the petty logistics."

"The petty logistics that could cost their lives? This is not an _alliance._ It's a handful of individuals that seek to control their pawns into a battle they themselves will not fight in."

He fixed me with a look. "Is this about Jasper?"

Jesus. "Will you shut up about him for just a second?"

"No," he insisted, his voice lowering. And he baited. "Just try to leave without him. You can't. Whatever he told you about free will and making your own decisions—it's bullshit."

Deep down, I knew that. But hearing it out loud made it hurt even more. And I had no words for him, because the truth was clear—it had been clear. A bond connected Jasper and I, but that was the extent of our relationship. Trust and respect? It wasn't possible. Not when he was my mate, and I was only his prisoner.

"Peter, I understand. But this is beyond him. Beyond us. If Jasper's taught me one thing, it's to survive. And I will not survive with the alliance."

"But you will survive with him. You need to separate your opinions of the alliance and your opinion of your mate."

I shrugged, dejected. "I don't need to separate them, if both are equally as bad."

* * *

Kate came close to grazing my skin with her nails today. But that was the extent of the danger in my training. Instead of Emmett, Edward came up to me to take me out to the woods for my shield expansion. With that, we didn't need an extra person to serve as the gifted. It was just Edward and I.

"Your progress is astounding," Edward complimented. Yes, I could shield a 100 foot radius. It was impressive.

"What do the delegates think?"

"I'm not the one that reports your progress to them."

We sat on dirt, and I played with the little rocks on the ground. "They don't deserve what I can do for them."

"The alliance?"

"Yeah. Whoever claims that they're in charge. I don't have to die for anyone."

"No, you don't. And you won't."

I looked up at him. "Edward, they're going to kill us all. Not on purpose, but because they're going to make shit decisions."

"What makes you say that?"

Jasper had talked to me about his suspicions regarding the Jovu's operations within the Volturi. Nothing had been confirmed, but it didn't even feel like the delegates were considering all of the possibilities. If the Volturi were pumping humans with venom to trigger gifts, the alliance couldn't anticipate what they could be up against. How would you strategize if you were completely blind to your enemy's capabilities?

And what angered me the most was how Jasper hadn't weighed this option.

"I don't trust them."

"On what account?"

I sighed. I didn't know how much information Edward was privy to, and I wasn't going to start sharing my thoughts blindly. "I don't trust anyone."

He chuckled lightly, but sourly. "Jasper's turned you so bitter."

"It's his venom," I said automatically, but that wasn't entirely true. His venom tasted like the sweetest thing I'd ever had on my tongue.

The ache in my chest eased as my senses picked up on the scent I'd been yearning for. Edward stretched out on the dirt. "Well," he said. "Go to him."

"No. He can come to me."

I hadn't seen Jasper in over a week, and my frustration ebbed and flowed throughout that time. I didn't know what the source of my mood swings had been, but they were very debilitating.

"Can Jasper numb your feelings?" I asked.

"He can calm you down."

"Is that how he manipulates people?"

He cocked his head to the side. "I assume it's one way he gets what he needs."

I made a face, and he laughed. We sat in silence, and I admired Edward for not being as nosy as some of the Cullens. He spent time with me, even if we didn't say much. The presence of another being in absolute silence was welcoming amidst all the chaos and uncertainty in my life.

But the absolute silence ended when Jasper appeared through the trees. Edward immediately stood up and walked the other direction. I found this to be odd as I watched him disappear.

"You… scared him?" I looked up at Jasper.

"I'd like to think so." He stopped before me, regarding me with light curiosity. "Has my darling mate been good the past few days?"

"You would know. You went straight to Peter."

He didn't even flinch at my observation. "I'm impressed by your tracking abilities."

I stood. "I don't know why you need to get a report out on my behavior. Just ask me."

"I just did. You deflected."

I scowled and pushed past him. He grabbed my forearm and turned me back to him. I obeyed. A robot.

"I've been gone too long," he observed. "That ache is clearly not good for your mood."

"But it doesn't seem to bother you."

A light smile appeared on his lips. "Things have been going… well."

"With the delegates?"

"Yes."

"And Damon?"

I noticed his hesitation. "Yes."

He let go of my arm, but I didn't let go of the topic. "Why do you lie?"

His eyes narrowed as he examined me. His expression was a mix concentration, frustration, and admiration.

"Damon didn't cause trouble," he began. "But the information he revealed wasn't what I hoped."

"They've already started spawning the gifted, haven't they?"

He lowered his voice as he put a hand on my shoulder. "No ones knows about this but us."

Jasper was choosing to hide a very key portion of his discovery from the alliance.

"That's reason enough, then," I muttered. "There's no reason for me to stay here. I hope you understand that."

His grip flowed down from my shoulder, down my arm. He finally held my hand. Lifting it, he squeezed. "I want you to understand that I think that is the correct decision."

The words were music, but his tone demanded more investigation. "But?"

"But you are not walking out of here without me." He came closer and I felt his lips on my temple. "Your instincts are strong. The alliance is weak. But they can't know that."

It was indescribably magical how his scent carried through the air and wrapped me in a cocoon. Days had passed without its potency, and now I just wanted to lean into it and disappear. I closed my eyes against his chest and breathed in the magic.

"I will never blame you for this decision," he murmured. "But you need to give me some time to work out the details."

My head felt light. "You won't let me go."

"Not without me."

"I don't know what to believe."

His hand was on my cheek, and he tilted my head up to kiss me. His lips were soft. Pleasant. Gentle. Yet hesitant.

But the electricity that sparked through my hands down to my body dared to ignite my venom. The brush of his fingertips on my jaw, the tangles of his locks in my grasp…

I rose on my toes to kiss him back, hinting at something that was beyond this world.

I heard nature thrive around us. Breathe. Live. Exist. I wanted to be a part of all of it. Of the cycle. Of nature. Our nature.

But the man in front of me took a generous step back. His tone was a stark contrast to what we had just experienced. "You're not going to ask about your parents? About Damon?"

I blinked, dumbfounded for the moment. His harsh demeanor threw me off guard. The sweetness of the moment vanished, and I kicked myself for my ignorance. Stupidity.

It was hard to think with desire. So very hard.

"Are they alive?" I asked. "What did Damon say? Did you kill him?"

His gaze was sharp. Daring. "Why weren't those the first words out of your mouth?"

What kind of a question was that? I looked around, letting my mind wander back to its previous state of normalcy. I had been thinking about my time at the alliance. I had been thinking of my time here ending.

"My parents are most likely dead," I told him. "It's more important to me to get myself out of this place than anything else. If the Volturi are indeed… doing what they're doing, then this place has no chance. And actually," I challenged. "I'm disappointed that you haven't thought about this before."

"Who says I haven't?"

"If you had anticipated this when you first learned of Damon's association with the Volturi, you wouldn't have brought me here."

He considered that. "Would I have not?"

"No. The alliance is dangerous. They don't know anything. There's too much red tape to get anything done. If you're hiding key information from them, other delegates are probably doing the same from each other. No trust. No coherent plan. It's a death sentence to fight for them."

But Jasper didn't seem to agree. At least not completely. "You don't have any insider information on what the delegates do, Elise. You want to believe that the alliance is dead hope, so you piece together little bits of information to convince yourself that your thinking is correct." He stepped forward and used his fingers to tilt my chin up. "The only thing you know with absolute certainty is that the Volturi have an advantage. You can't make assumptions about the rest."

I frowned. "So I can't make assumptions about my parents."

He didn't say anything to that.

"I can't make assumptions about us," I continued.

"Us?" He questioned.

"Do you even know what that word means?"

Jasper actually rolled his eyes. It was a sight too strange to comprehend. Then, his expression softened. "I wonder," he said. "Will there be anything that won't make you mad? Because it seems that I illicit such negativity from you." His hand flew over my jaw, and his thumb ghosted my lips. "But maybe that's too pessimistic to say. I think the correct feelings I draw out of you are simply strong feelings. And those feelings can fall either way."

My mouth felt unnaturally dry. "Sounds unhealthy."

"Incredibly."

My thoughts were fading—slowly, gently—into the background. His touch took over my primary attention. So minimal, but still so present on my skin.

When I met his eyes, there was an emotion deep within him that I couldn't quite decipher. A frown etched on his lips as he looked down at me. Yes, the usual uncertainty was there. The trouble. And a pinch of doubt. The expression was something I was used to, and it was almost always directed at the thought of our bond.

Before the thoughts could fester in his mind, I reached up on my toes and kissed him. Slowly. He let me guide his lips as I felt his body loosen even a little bit. His foot nudged mine, and I was stepping back, back, and back. A tree. His other hand broke free and rested behind my head, cradling against the bark.

I moaned into his lips as my senses began to electrify.

His kisses grew lighter, then spread across my face, and down my neck. The hand cradling my head turned into a fist in my hair. But one thing that stuck out to me about his touch was that it was barely there. When I kissed him back, the force I exerted was more than he ever put on me.

Did he think he could hurt me? He remembered our relationship when I had been human. Did he restrain himself because of those experiences?

I pulled back slightly. "I'm not human anymore."

"I can tell."

I nodded. "You can't break me if you tried."

My words seemed to have a sobering effect on him. "Yeah?" A crooked smile appeared in place of the usual thin line. His hands went around to my back and reached under my shirt, running light fingertips up and down my spine. "Lower your shield."

I paused, registering his request. "What?"

"Lower your shield," he repeated.

His fingers grew lighter and lighter on my back, which sparked bolts of lightening in my veins. No. He didn't have to be rough to have this on impact me. He could barely touch me and drown me in a haze.

I watched him intently as I envisioned my shield collapsing around us. With the final barriers, down, Jasper could manipulate and influence me whichever way he wanted.

The affection that hit me was indescribable. I could feel my eyes widen at the warmth that filled my body. His hands moved faster, coming forward onto my hips, then my stomach. His eyes closed, and he wasn't influencing me one bit. He only projected.

The warmth turned to electricity. Desire. I leaned forward and kissed him, and I couldn't sense an ounce of hesitation. His lips were fierce. The once light touches were grabbing, pinching, and squeezing. I felt the bark crack and whine with the amount of force at which he retaliated.

And then his uncertainty blew at me with his weighted, surprisingly honest words. "I'm so fucked," he whispered. "So, so, so fucked."

"If you shut up, you just might be."

The tree kept protesting, so he tackled me down to the grass. " _I would be messed up in the brain to ever want to sleep with you,_ she says. Does she lie?"

He nipped down my neck and I could feel the stupid grin on his lips.

"She compromises," I whispered as I felt his hand on my breast. "For perks."

"Ah, the rumors around camp are true. What's the perk?"

He loved being on top of me, but it clearly demonstrated the unbalance of power. I reached up and captured his lips, which captured his attention. That gave me the advantage to flip us over. I straddled him proudly.

"Proving Jasper Whitlock wrong."

His hands raced up my thighs, to my waist. I grabbed them and pinned them by his head. He didn't move, only smiled curiously. "How was I wrong?"

"That denying this was—and has always been—a mistake."

He narrowed his eyes, full of mischief. "Do you think sex is worth my livelihood?"

"Absolutely."

I ran my hand through his hair—scratching, pulling. His arms wrapped around me and pressed us closer. I let myself dive into this feeling of acceptance, and resolution. But soon, I sensed the anxiety, and the worry. And they weren't mine.

My feelings were slowly turning bitter. Jasper was projecting, and his struggle was evident. But why did he have to struggle through what nature intended for us?

I moved to get up from straddling him, but he firmly gripped my waist. Neither of us said anything for a while. Jasper's inner battles were unfairly hidden from me. I wanted to be included, because I knew I could help.

And perhaps he could sense my determination, because he addressed it quickly. "I know you do not want this, Elise."

Was my shield back up? Could he really not sense any desire coming off of me? "I don't know what makes you say that."

"Because I can anticipate your regret."

The words tumbling out of his mouth were all bullshit. I tried to push myself off of him, but his grip was iron. "Don't move."

I could feel how hard he was. There was no use in hiding it.

I bounced once to make a point. "Jasper Whitlock always takes what he wants. You want me. So what's stopping you?"

He winced. "I may be many things, but I am not a man who will use this bond to manipulate you into sex."

Alright. He was absolutely insane. "You're not manipulating me into anything. Does it really seem like you're forcing me into something I don't want?"

I felt angry, but most of it wasn't mine. "You would have nothing to do with me if it weren't for the bond. Don't deny that. And the sex is just another _ritual_ to confirm it," he sneered. "What do you think drives you to desire the venom? It's just another aphrodisiac to act as a catalyst."

I leaned over him. "You yourself are the only thing that's standing between us. It's you and your mind that will drive you into insanity because of your tendency to overthink _everything._ And I will be the unfortunate casualty."

And then I felt the cold, hard dirt on my back when he flipped me underneath him. All I could see was Jasper's cold, red eyes. No matter how much restraint he put upon himself, I could see the starved hunger in his expression. "You have a lot of things that you'll throw in my face. You have a lot to blame me for. But to that, I will not add the fact that I ever took advantage of you."

Should I be grateful for this gentlemanly gesture? Should I revel in the fact that he had a considerate side? Or was it alright for me to feel absolutely stripped of what I actually wanted? Was it okay for me to be angry at Jasper for being the one to decide what I wanted or didn't want?

According to Rosalie, this was our last milestone. Perhaps Jasper was just too much of a coward to strengthen our bond to its fullest potential. Whatever it was, I was growing more and more upset at trying to decipher the motives of the man in front of me.

"I know you're upset," he said, still hovering over me. I avoided him and wiggled out of his grasp. He managed to clear the haze around me, which I supposed I should be grateful for. The anger and frustration made it easier to think through his scent and overwhelming presence. I distanced myself and rose to my feet, thinking back to the more important topic at hand.

"I appreciate that you agree with my decision to leave this place in a few weeks," I said. "But I really didn't need to hear you say that. I will leave Texas no matter what you say."

He sat up on the ground and watched me. "Don't be so cold."

"That's rich, coming from you."

"I don't mean for us to be this unstable."

"You know what?" I thought back to the exact phrasing he had used once a long time ago. A time I had seemingly forgotten. "These games aren't for me. Find someone else who'll play with you."

He was quiet for a while. "There is no one else."

I didn't know why that made me smile. My shield was still down, but I didn't feel sedated or calm. Jasper chose not to influence me.

The tension between us was an absolute shame. "Then let me know when you want to play the games that I want to play." My smile widened, almost tauntingly. "Then, play with me."

* * *

**A/N: This was a long one.**

**In the background, we know what Jasper's involved with. Elise's mother. The experiments.**

**Where is Jasper's hesitancy really stemming from?**


	19. Guilty Pleasures

_Previously:_

_The tension between us was an absolute shame. "Then let me know when you want to play the games I want to play." My smile widened, almost tauntingly._ _"Then, play with me."_

* * *

**Jasper**

"The funding—supplies, location… none of that is the problem," I said. "It's your willingness and dedication to these procedures."

Carlisle sat, albeit uncomfortably, straight across from me, surrounded by delegate members. Maria sat two seats away, right next to Peter. The room was quiet, intense. Focused.

The delegates were seeing the value in supporting the venomous experiments. And it all really came down to Carlisle's ability to move forward with them.

"Most of their lab in Michigan was ruined. But I would be more than happy to accompany Carlisle to the site for his own investigation, if he chooses to proceed."

"We need to proceed," Maria interjected, holding up a piece of paper. "This clear advantage that you're proposing, Major Whitlock, is invaluable. It seems gathering the gifted is a strategy we cannot overlook."

The piece of paper in her hand was record of my documentation regarding my experiences in Michigan: the sight of the Jovu lab, and a quite brief overview of my encounter with Damon.

Carlisle drew out a document of his own. "Here is my proposal for the equipment."

Maria accepted it gladly, and the meeting ran for its usual duration. Peter and I slipped out as soon as the delegates began to disperse.

"I had a very interesting conversation with Elise the other day," my buddy said.

"Did you?"

"She seems to have lost faith in the alliance."

I eyed him carefully. "And she gave you a reason why?"

He shrugged. "Trust issues."

"Anything else?"

"Should there be?"

I shrugged back. "Maybe her distaste for me is leaking out onto the delegates."

"Distaste?" He seemed to hold back a laugh. "You're drowning in her scent. Unless you've been engaging her in some very proximate combat—"

"Well," I grumbled. "Anything we engage in is essentially combat."

"No peace at home?"

"None. How long will it take for them to approve the proposal?"

"By the urgency of the situation, probably by tomorrow."

Good. "I'll designate an appropriate location in Arizona for the testing. I don't mind rebuilding the lab over the cabin."

"Your involvement in this is probably why you're not getting any peace."

"That, and…" I glanced over the horizon. "Damon has her mother."

There was a lengthy pause between us. "I'm surprised she hasn't bolted out of here."

"That's why she doesn't know"

He stared at me intently. "So, it's not that you don't have peace; it's the anticipation of losing it."

"Which is arguably worse."

Peter clapped a hand on my shoulder. "You're tired, brother. You're wound up. It's tough seeing you like this."

The sincerity coming off of him was appreciated, and I projected my appreciation directly.

"Peter, I truly hope that you will follow me in my decisions to come."

"It would be easier if I were included in said decisions."

I ran a quick hand through my hair. "I need to think through it. I just haven't had the time."

"Or patience," he added.

"Or any quiet."

"And maybe that's the problem," he said. "You two haven't had the time, the patience, or any quiet. I firmly believe that developing your relationship will pay off in the long run. Because I think that you're fighting so hard to keep her alive that you're ignoring her."

"It's very hard to ignore something that's constantly pulling at your chest."

But he didn't even seem to register my words. "Perhaps you just feel guilt."

Ridiculous. "Regarding?"

"Anything that would remotely anger your mate."

I scowled. "I can't base my decisions on the feelings of one individual."

"Except instinctually, most—if not, all—of your decisions will revolve around her."

"Around us. Our survivability. Whether or not Elise morally agrees with the idea of human testing, Carlisle will proceed with the experiments."

He sighed. "No matter what you say, Jasper—it will be hard to explain why exactly you haven't already claimed your mate. If there's a wedge between you two, there's a chance for anyone to exploit that."

That was a point that I hadn't considered, and I immediately felt my mood sour. "That's it, then? Sex fixes all of our problems?"

"Not what I meant, and you know that. If Elise doesn't seem to be on board with you completely, the cracks will show. And those cracks can break open wider if anyone plays her against you."

The bond would prevent that. Wasn't that the whole point? "It shouldn't be possible for anyone to get in between us."

Peter's agitation flowed out of him. "It's not a miracle arrangement, for God's sake."

"Really? Because that's how everyone sells the idea of a mate. Love. Magic. Miracle. Was it all an over-exaggeration?" I mocked.

"I'm only trying to help you, brother." Peter paused, then sighed. "Take her away from this."

My eyes snapped to his. "What?"

"Just for a little while. The base is distracting. There are too many eyes and ears. Make up an excuse and just take some time off."

"Take some time off? This isn't some—"

"Stop. It's just a suggestion."

It was all such a waste of time. This time a year ago, my biggest problem was getting blood stains out of bedsheets. A feeling of dejection rained over me, and I unrightfully resented the bond. And the reality was… "She's just a girl."

But even as those words slipped out of my mouth, I knew how tragically untrue they were.

I looked at him, quickly amending my statement. "That's a lie."

He shrugged. "It's how you placate yourself. It's how you've dealt with everything. But now, there's something there that's preventing you, Jasper. You feel guilt." He clasped his hands behind his back. "It's why you avoid the conversation. It's why you shut her down. It's why you won't touch her."

"I'm trying," I said lowly. "But there are things she cannot know about. She just can't. You fucking know how stubborn she can be."

"She won't like that you're condoning the trials. No matter how much blame you try to shift onto Carlisle, she's going to know that you didn't do a thing to stop them from happening. And her mother? You're acting too late. In both of these cases, your inaction is what will cost you."

"I know," I said quietly. "I know all of that."

"Yet, you do nothing?"

"I can't do a thing," I bit out. "I can't kill Damon without risking the alliance. I can't accelerate the venom trials to gain advantage over the Volturi. I can't even accelerate the trials to spark another shield to replace Elise's position here."

I saw Peter perk at that. "That's why you started the trials?"

"Yes." I turned to him. "Of course. The delegates expect so much of her. I need someway to replace her. I need a way to drag their greedy eyes away from her. But I can't."

A moment of silence passed. "It must be so disarming to feel so… helpless."

"It's a nightmare." I felt my jaw tighten. "But you're right. I need to take her away from here."

"Just for a little while," he coaxed.

"Yes." I looked away. "Just for a little while."

* * *

A week later, I found my mate in our room after a full day of training. The training, while not up to her standards, still took her time and attention. It was a distraction that she very much needed during my periods of absence.

"Elise," I acknowledged her.

She looked up from a book she had picked up from my desk. Her voice was quiet. "Hello."

I pulled up a chair and took a seat in front of her. After a few minutes, she put her book down and stared at me. "Is there something I can do for you?"

 _You could probably bite me again and make all of this much that much harder._ "How would you like to go on a little trip?"

"Has the alliance finally decided to use me for something?"

Clever girl. "No."

"Have you finally decided to use me for something?"

"What could I use you for?"

Unspoken words were stuck on her lips as they widened into a little smile. "Where are we going?"

I stood and pulled her up with me. "Away from here."

"What about my training?"

"You don't take it seriously. Why should I?"

She rolled her eyes. "I would take it seriously if there was anything serious about it."

We left the room and crossed the center circle. The night welcomed us into its darkness as we entered the woods.

"How long will we be gone for?"

I grasped her hand in mine, unconsciously searching for a pulse. "A day. Maybe two."

We walked in serene silence for a mile.

"Jasper?" She turned up to look at me. "I want to apologize."

"You have nothing to apologize for."

"But I do. This frenzy that you talked about… well, I shouldn't be trying to jump your bones every time you touch me."

I raised our hands. "I'm touching you right now."

She laughed beautifully. "No. I just—I might have a convoluted idea of a mate, and it might not be the same as how you see it. If you don't want to touch me, that's your choice and I should respect that."

Her words were so sincere that they choked any words that were stuck in my throat. "The frenzy wasn't something you could control easily. Please don't worry about it."

Her voice was smaller now. "Were you mad that I bit you?"

"No," I paused, cautious about the nature of this conversation. "Not at all."

"What did it feel like?"

"Like I wanted you to do it again."

There was a pause. "What if you bit me?"

"It's an intimate ritual either way."

"And you don't want to talk about it."

She was getting to know me almost too well. Was it my expression? Fuck. "You're not doing anything wrong. You have nothing to feel sorry about."

"Well," she muttered bitterly. "Rejection doesn't quite help with that."

What was I supposed to say to that? That I didn't want to reject her? That I wanted her against me, against these trees, on her knees, on her back—for the next day and half? That completely devouring her was inherently part of my nature, and I relied on a century of self-control to prevent myself from doing things she would ultimately regret?

Her shield was down, because I felt a blanket of blues come down over my inner turmoil.

"Jasper, will you say something?"

"I think I should be the one apologizing. Our nature will drive us to intimacy. It's inevitable. I just need a little more time."

"How very scientific of you."

"You don't remember—but we've discussed this when you were human. The nature of mating. We talked about the reasons why vampires have mates in the first place."

"Yes, but how do you really feel?" She stopped and stepped in front of me. "This shouldn't be like an arranged marriage in which you fuck your wife to ensure your family has the sufficient offspring to prosper."

Interesting. "So, no marriage for us?"

"Well, I didn't say that, but my point—"

"I understand your point," I interrupted her. "But as an empath I would really like to remind you that emotions are simply motivators for this purpose. It's a synthetic phenomenon that will pull you towards me."

"Is that what makes you so cynical about our bond? You tell me that I only want you because of it."

"Because it's true. Your feelings are there because of this _thing_ we share, and this _thing_ we share is because the world—evolution, if you will—wants vampires to band together for increased chances of survivability."

"So what?" She insisted. "We should be embracing this. You said it yourself—it's evolution."

As I searched her eyes, I delved deep into Peter's words and their implications. It wasn't the facts of our nature that was holding me back. This discussion was just another facade in front of deeper problems.

It was about me.

The guilt I felt over my past decisions and my decisions to come suffocated me. It was a completely foreign feeling that posed as a consequence to those actions. But that made no sense. Any actions I took were thought out to minimize any consequences. So, what was this guilt that was appearing now? Why was it here? Why was it preventing me from doing the things that I wanted?

Playing into Elise's desire wouldn't be taking advantage of her. So, why did the guilt make it seem so?

My fingers toyed with the hem of her shirt. "You want this even though I'm your murderer?"

She glanced down at my touch. "Acceptance isn't always so perfect. It's not like I've just erased my memory of your shitty behavior—but if moving past it is healthier, then I'm trying."

"You want me even if I've kept your own memories from you?"

She frowned. "Is this your way of deterring me?"

"Always seeking for some underlying meaning to my words," I murmured.

"Yes," she said. "Because you never quite say what you really mean."

I ignored that. "You want me despite of the unknowns?"

"What unknowns?"

I withdrew my hand. "Many unknowns. The world is a mystery."

She stepped closer. "But you shouldn't be."

She was right. The feelings that dragged me down would dissipate through openness and sincerity. While the truth would hurt, I could mitigate her reaction if I came to her with it first.

"That's why we're going to Arizona."

* * *

**A/N: Whether he likes it or not, Jasper's nature is morphing into something he's not comfortable with.**

**Is it better for Jasper to take Elise to Arizona for some truths? Or would it just be another reason for her to walk away from the alliance when her time is up?**


	20. Detours

Previously:

_I withdrew my hand. "Many unknowns. The world is a mystery."_

_She stepped closer. "But you shouldn't be."_

_She was right. The feelings that dragged me down would dissipate through openness and sincerity. While the truth would hurt, I could mitigate her reaction if I came to her with it first._

_"That's why we're going to Arizona."_

* * *

**Elise**

Our journey was quiet.

Jasper and I walked at a reasonable pace in comfortable silence. Sometimes, the lack of exchanged sentences was something that saved what was growing between us. With no words, we couldn't hurt each other if we tried.

"Do we have further to go?" I asked after a few hours. The sky was beginning to lighten as we approached dawn. Eerie clouds faded in from the North.

"Only a few hours if we keep moving."

Jasper hadn't revealed much about the trip—but I was glad to be somewhere other than the base or the big city.

As we walked, Jasper's hand was sometimes in mine, sometimes mine rested on his forearm. I appreciated the natural ways our bodies found a rhythm together.

I looked up at him. "How did we travel when I was human?"

He was quiet for a few steps. "Car," he finally said, and then held out his arms. "Me. It was always more efficient to carry you."

"Was it more of a over-the-shoulder caveman-carry, or a simple, sweet bridal form?"

He had to be amused, but he hid it well. "What do you think?"

"Caveman. Definitely."

"Well." He smiled. "Either you really don't know me, or you must misremember."

That meant I should try to verify my assumptions. It didn't seem right to have a mate and barely know him. "So, you like to read. You like the sun. What else do you do besides kill people?"

"You've grasped my personality entirely in a single breath. Congratulations."

I lightly tugged at his hand. "I'm serious."

After a few moments, his tone was light, and giving. "Reading is correct. Music. I play the guitar. The Cullens were famous for their movie nights. I enjoy sketching. Nature. The outdoors. My favorite color—"

"Is red," I quickly interrupted.

He paused and feigned offense. "What a cheap assumption. Deep orange."

"Close enough."

"But not really. Next you'll say my favorite book is _American Psycho_."

I laughed. "Is it not?"

"You hope not."

Hobbies and interests were one thing, but I wanted deeper. "Well, what about your actual family?" I questioned. "You mentioned your mother. Were you close with her?"

When he didn't respond immediately, it seemed that the question caught him a little off guard. "We had been close. It broke her heart when I decided to enlist in the army."

"She passed away. What from?"

"We really didn't know at the time. Given her symptoms, I would say pneumonia."

That was tragic. "I'm sorry. I couldn't imagine…burying my mother."

Jasper's face was blank. "I don't think about her as much."

"Really?"

"What is there to think about? We'd go crazy if we mourned all the dead in this world."

Sure, mourning every single death would be overwhelming and impossible, but this was his mother. "Your mother must have more worth to you than the rest of the world."

"Are you asking me how I value her in this particular moment, or when she was alive?"

I didn't understand. "What would be the difference?"

"Why would a dead body have any value to me?"

I sighed. "It's easy for you to brush off anything that's not in front of you, isn't it?"

Jasper's answers were becoming more automatic as they always did when he didn't particularly like the theme of the conversation. "Dwelling only creates emotional distress."

"But reliving your memories—"

"Only brings you pain. I don't want to think about my mother because all I would see is her face in a coffin. She would have the same expression of grief from when she watched me leave the family."

Before I could respond, he looked at me intently. "Can we change the topic?"

I nodded. Mom was a sensitive topic, and I could easily understand that. My own mother was gone. Most likely dead.

Perhaps dwelling didn't do me much good after all.

When Jasper flicked his head towards a tree at the sound of a scurrying animal, I noticed the faint glimmer of a scar on his neck. The one I had tattooed on his skin permanently. I hesitantly reached up to touch it.

"Will I always leave a scar if I bite you?" I felt the uneven skin under my fingertips.

He reached up and placed his hand over mine. "The agent that creates the scarring is the venom. If you can reduce the concentration of venom in your mouth when you bite, there would be no scar." He smiled tightly. "Often with a frenzy like yours, venom is very potent in your mouth. It represents hunger…in all aspects."

I understood that, albeit uncomfortably.

"It's actually hard to inflict a scar on yourself," Jasper continued. "If you were to bite yourself, your venom will recede from your tongue and mouth very quickly. Very much like how a human can't bite their tongue off easily, or gnaw their fingers off."

That made sense. I examined my wrist for a moment. Why in the world would I ever want to bite myself?

Jasper took my hand and stepped in front of me, and the shift in his demeanor was startling. For a moment, it didn't seem like he could find the words for whatever he wanted to say, and I found myself bracing for something that I definitely wasn't ready for.

His face was stone. "I need you to keep an open mind."

"Jasper?"

His grip tightened, and he repeated. "An open mind."

My feet instinctively tried to take a step back, but he held me there with him. His hands were clasped on my forearms.

"What's here in Arizona?"

No words, just action. I reluctantly trailed him as we went in and out of woods, until we reached the beginning of a clearing. And right in the middle, was a little establishment.

Wooden. Old.

A cabin.

My feet halted immediately, pulling the emergency breaks. It wasn't the sight of it that rooted me to the ground. It was the scents that wafted out of it.

Jasper began to reach for me but I evaded him. My tone was accusatory. "You told me you stopped."

A scowl easily found his expression. "Do not make assumptions, Elise."

"What am I supposed to make of this?" I demanded as my nose wrinkled with the gentle, beckoning scent of human blood.

The little door opened, and a familiar face donned in white greeted me. _Doctor_ Carlisle Cullen.

"Please keep your voices down," he closed the door behind him.

I glanced at Jasper as we approached him. From the heartbeats, I could detect the presence of four humans in that little cabin. What was this?

Carlisle didn't say a word, so I pushed past him—past the door and into the stuffy living space. The inside looked partially deteriorating, but partially modern with equipment meant for a medical office. And on various bedding were bodies, their arms bound to bags of liquid with tangled tubing. Oxygen masks covered their mouths. Two women, and two men.

The liquid in one of the bags that hung by each bed was heavy, an it definitely was not saline solution. My eyes followed the drops as it fell into a receptor at the end of the bag, dripping slowly, silently—and flowing straight into their little veins.

My brain tried to pull me back to times of never-ending burning pain as I processed the reality in front of me.

"The alliance has decided to begin human experimentation," Jasper said quietly from when he entered. I didn't turn to look at him when he continued. "I wanted you to see it for yourself before the talk got around camp."

I took a few steps to one of the women and peered at her face. She almost looked dead, but her counter wouldn't expire for months. All of these humans had lifespans that ended in the next few months.

I heard the door creak shut, and then turned to the doctor. My tone came out more bitter than I had intended. "I wouldn't call this venomous healing, Carlisle." The quietness of the cabin was eerie. "Why aren't they screaming?"

"Why aren't you?" Jasper asked. When I finally met his eyes, they were intense, probing.

I examined the other bag that was feeding a different form of liquid into their other arm. "You've drugged them, as well."

"The experiments will lead nowhere," Carlisle said. "This is just to keep the alliance pacified for the meantime. I keep them sedated to control their pain."

This was all for nothing? "You're pumping them with venom for no reason other than to serve as a front?"

"I don't expect results anytime soon. But the alliance doesn't know that. All that they know is that we're trying."

"A distraction," Jasper added.

"A very painful one," I whispered, then stared at my mate. "I would ask you to tell me this wasn't your idea, but I know you would just lie."

He didn't even flinch. "I would tell you that it was my idea, and my methods of approaching this experimentation resulted in five human deaths. All terrible. All screaming. This is why Carlisle is better suited for the task."

I took one last long look at the bodies on the beds, then stepped towards to the doctor. "Kill them when you're done with them. Preferably as soon as possible."

"Elise—" Jasper tried, but I was out the door. The smell of the makeshift clinic was enough to sicken me. I wasn't sure if I liked them so quiet and…unaware. Was I resenting their drugged state? That they were comfortable, and I hadn't been?

I barely got back into the trees when I felt Jasper's hand on my arm. When I looked at him, his usual blank wall of a face was morphed into something exquisite: cautious, hyperaware, and worried.

"Tell me this is better," he said slowly, pleadingly. "Showing you was better."

"Than what alternative?"

"Keeping it from you. Letting you find out from others, letting them influence your opinions."

He let go of me, and I felt oddly out of place—out of mind. I observed us as we stood there beneath the skeletal trees, not quite understanding. Jasper was choosing honesty and transparency over the tricks and games.

I felt my face soften. "Of course it's better."

"And you seem less reluctant to fight me."

I sighed deeply. "I want to be so angry. So. Angry. I want to scream at you—to imagine _me_ in there instead of those helpless little humans, because it _was_ me." I shook my head, mostly to myself. "But I know that all you're going to say is that my reality has changed—and I'm not _that_ anymore. That I should move on. Stop dwelling. Stop thinking about the past."

He didn't respond—only ran his hands down my shoulders, to my arms, then took my hands. "And it would be the truth. You are not them."

"Carlisle doesn't let them burn," I muttered underneath my breath. " _We_ burned."

Jasper ignored that. "You don't know how relieved I am at how well you took this."

I cocked my head to the side. "You really don't feel anything when you condemned these people to what I went through?"

"They're not you, and there's a bigger picture to this that you're missing."

Of course there was. "The alliance."

"They need to be fed some hope. Some direction. Delegates are getting restless."

We began walking away from the cabin. "This is hope, isn't it? The gifted. Why are you so pessimistic about your results?"

"Because your Jovu's data indicated that it took years before any gifted were sparked."

Ah. "And the Volturi is clearly ahead of you in this process."

Jasper clasped his hands behind his back. "I just need more time."

I glanced at him quickly. "That's all you've been saying."

"That's all I need."

"Well, thank you for telling me—showing me. I'm not going to praise you endlessly for making me relive my past, but your honesty means a lot to me, just given how rare of a commodity it is."

He didn't react to my jab—not at all. Instead, a wide smile greeted me when he stepped directly in front of me. I slammed into his chest, and he held me lightly by my waist. I thought he would kiss me, but his breath only fanned my face.

"How would you care for a detour? I found this place a little North."

"I thought I learned my lesson to not follow you to any safe houses. I can't risk extending my servitude with only two weeks left."

The joke wasn't quite a joke to him, and I could tell that was something he tried to hide. "I think you'll like it."

* * *

And I did.

Jasper had led us a couple hours North, almost to the border of Arizona. There, we came upon piles and piles of rocks that bore the weight of a luminous waterfall. With the sun dipping over the horizon, the water reflected all sorts of mesmerizing colors and effects of the sky. The grass brushed our legs as we made our way closer to the little pool.

I picked a big rock and invited Jasper to sit with me. We stared at the water as it crashed down onto stone, releasing fine mist into the air. The sound was calming, the smell was meditative.

I looked up at the darkening sky. "There's nothing still about this place, or quiet," I said. "But it might as well be."

"It's missing that clutter. The noise pollution. The waste of air that comes out of people's mouths."

"Yup. You've summed up camp."

His hand rested behind me, and I leaned back into his shoulder. We watched, and watched, and watched.

"Are you getting more comfortable with this… bond?" I asked him.

"Are you?"

I turned and brushed my nose against his. "I don't know—are you still not willing to touch me?"

He shifted his arm slightly so I felt it. "I'm touching you just fine."

I huffed with a smile and pushed him back on the rock until his back was flat against it. I laid down beside him and propped up on my elbow. "Why are you so tense?"

"I half expected to fight you all the way back to Texas. Maybe that's why."

"Let it go," I murmured. "I can't let it impact me. The emotions…the past… sometimes, the things you say are good practice. I mean, my experiences with the Jovu only made me stronger. And obviously, you're not condoning the experiments to hurt me."

"Absolutely not."

"So… shit. I guess I'm not terribly mad at you."

Jasper closed his eyes, but a light smile appeared on his lips. "A nice surprise."

I drew closer and kissed him gently on his smile, which for some reason took it away. His throat moved in a swallow as he looked up at me. As his eyes danced between mine and my lips, he spoke. "I don't want you to want me just because of this thing. I really fucking don't. You're not obligated to treat me in a certain way because of this rope between us."

"Screw the rope," I said. "I'm here because I want to be. And… Jasper you're looking at this the wrong way."

He closed his eyes again. "So they say."

"And they're right. It's…okay that I'm mated to you."

"Just okay?"

"Very much okay. There's no reason to put barriers between us because of it."

He didn't respond, so I laid back down beside him and closed my own eyes. I listened to the sounds of the Earth and cleared my thoughts of the day, the week, the month…and the past few years.

"I started the experiments because I needed some gifted," Jasper murmured softly. "I wanted a shield. One that could replace you."

I willed my eyes to remain shut as I listened.

"I should have killed Damon on the spot when I met him," he continued. "But I needed the information. And if I killed him, the Volturi would be on high alert. But also," he paused. "I think you'd like the privilege to do it yourself."

I nudged his hand beside me in acknowledgement. He placed his over mine in response. Moments later, he sat up and took that hand to kiss it. Sparks ran up my wrist all the way to my shoulder when his lips met my skin.

And then, I had a stupid idea. No, it was the best idea.

"Jasper, would you bite me?"

He put down my hand, and his eyebrows drew together. "No."

There went my plan for the night. "Why not?"

"I won't risk scarring you." He looked down at his arms, where many of them glistened under the moonlight. "They can be attributed to mating, sure, but more so to battle. You certainly don't need to look like you want to invite trouble."

"Your venom control is probably better than mine," I reasoned. "You wouldn't let it scar."

He tucked a loose lock behind my ear with a little smile. "If I bit you, there would be no control of any kind."

Enticing. I scooted closer to him. "Tell me more about this control that you wouldn't have."

But then, I had an even better idea. With one swift move, I dug my teeth into my right wrist. The pinch of pain diminished when I saw the slow flow of venom pool at the surface, working actively to close the wound.

I lifted my wrist to his face. "Or maybe you can just show me."

* * *

**A/N: Progress?**


	21. Control

_Previously:_

_But then, I had a better idea. With one swift move, I dug my teeth into my right wrist. The pinch of pain diminished when I saw the slow flow of venom pool at the surface, working actively to close the wound._

_I lifted my wrist to his face. "Or maybe you can just show me."_

* * *

**Elise**

My venom eased down my arm.

Jasper took my wrist with his left hand, and for mere moments appeared to contemplate something.

I thought he would lower his lips to my wrist, and indulge in that sweet, sweet fire I was all too familiar with. But he simply licked his right finger and ran it over the wound. I felt my skin tighten and close up over the incisions left by my teeth.

I couldn't help the feeling of rejection. Was I the one always pushing him too far? But before the feeling manifested into something stronger, Jasper's lips were on mine. He kissed me slowly as the rush of the waterfall seemed to accelerate. I felt myself being pushed down onto the large rock as I marveled at how perfectly he fit right between my thighs.

When he pulled back, I wanted to question his motives as he hovered over me. His eyes were wicked as his mouth found his own wrist, and he bit. I watched in utter fascination as he let his venom dribble onto my lips.

It was addicting. Warm. Sweet. It tingled sinfully on my tongue. I pushed up towards him to demand for more, but he laid a firm hand on my chest.

"You will control it," he said evenly. "Don't let it take over you, but flow with it."

I pouted and sucked on my lower lip to draw out even the tiniest drops that remained. When I obliged and laid my head back down, Jasper crawled up to give me his wrist. A reward. The venom flow was lessening but I accepted anything I could get. I ran my tongue over the wound as I felt him shift on top of me, running his other hand down my chest.

His hand flowed down between my breasts and rested on my stomach. I sighed against his wrist as he traced the hem of my shirt and went under to touch skin.

I peeked at him when his wound closed, and he stared intently at where his hand rested on my belly underneath the fabric.

I moaned quietly at the fire that ignited on my tongue and traveled down my chest. The venom's haze was taking over, and I really didn't care to tame it. I began clawing at him to guide him closer to me, but he remained put.

"Control it," he said, and pushed on my neck gently to encourage my head to stay down. Then, I felt the warmth of his mouth on my breast, through my shirt. My hips rose to meet his body as I wished he would just rip any and all fabric off.

I felt the firm grip on my waist turn into biting nails. My hands grasped at his hair as the flames began to catch through my veins.

He pushed up my shirt to kiss, bite, and lick down my belly. His body gradually eased off of me as he made his way down. I wanted to rise to go with him, but a hand again pushed me back down.

"Control."

I huffed in frustration, which earned me a chuckle in response. I looked up at the beautiful, starry sky as his hands tugged my hips to the edge of the rock. My legs dangled off of the side as Jasper stood before me. His hands weren't there to hold me down, so I propped up on my elbows to stare at him.

The eyes that stared back were a deep red. Darkening. "Do you feel in control?"

My skin hummed with warmth, and I closed my eyes to hone into the feeling. The venom wanted me in a frenzy, but the more I concentrated on it, the easier it became to rise above it. Mind over body. Electrifying, but not over-demanding.

I heard the rustle of grass as Jasper moved, and when I opened my eyes, I met liquid on my lips. He was giving me more, and I definitely didn't stop him. More reward.

But the more I drank, the delightful burn spread down my chest, through my torso, and all the way to my toes. The reward made it harder each time. Much, much harder.

Jasper pinned my legs with his as he leaned over, brushing locks from my face. My chest rose and fell with unnecessary breaths that I felt I couldn't get enough of. His scent bloomed all around.

The more his weight distributed on me, the more I felt him on my thigh. I moaned at the contact as I drew my legs up to wrap around him, pulling him closer.

Jasper stilled. _Control, control, control—_ I could anticipate him preaching.

Then, his hips moved and I found myself growling lowly at how much of an inconvenience our clothes were. I wanted these jeans off.

I reached down to tear at them but Jasper quickly pinned my arms above my head. "Are you in control?" He questioned, and I nodded hungrily—but he only smirked. "Your eyes tell me otherwise."

I fought against his grip. "Please."

"Please, what?"

Before he gave me a chance to respond to his question, Jasper held my arms with one hand and bit at his wrist once more. More delicious nectar flowed onto my lips.

The flames scorched their path—pulsing, growing, needing more to burn.

"Why are you doing this?" I groaned, seeking some sort of clear-mindedness within me to wonder at him. He kept feeding the flames, and it was driving me insane.

Jasper only grinned. "Get up only to remove your jeans. If you rip them, we stop."

That was not fair. I blinked once, twice, maybe six or seven times before sitting up enough to level with him. Jasper took a step back and I focused solely on my fingers and their ability to not wreck everything in their path to success.

The fire in me wanted to singe the clothing off so I wouldn't have to deal with it, but Jasper had been clear. The control was important. His order was the only thing keeping a small part of my brain in the present and not lost in the frenzy's haze.

I unzipped my jeans and slowly, carefully—painfully, slid them to my feet. Jasper did the rest.

Then, I was guided back down. His hand stayed there on my stomach to hold me at my position. His fingers spread out over my skin, pushing the shirt back to just below my breasts. His other hand grazed my hip and then tugged at the plain panties.

"Jasper—"

That hand went up to his mouth—a quick tear into his skin, and then his wrist came down on me. More. More. More. I lapped hungrily and threw myself deeper into this inferno.

His other hand came down to rest over the fabric on my pubic bone. I shifted my hips to guide him lower, but he steadied his hand. Pulling away his wrist from my lips, he looked at me. "It's alright if we rip these though, isn't it?"

And he did just that.

I gasped as I felt the cool air on me—bare, vulnerable, and exposed. The anticipation of his touch had me closing my eyes to stifle any pleading from my lips or show any sign of losing control. This may have been the sweetest torture I had ever endured, but it was also a way of Jasper testing me. My control. Needless to say, I didn't have the mind to be angry about it.

Then, he was on me, his lips on mine—could he feel just how much I was _burning?_ When he pulled back, his eyes were black, and the look on his face told me mine weren't worse off.

He lifted his wrist. "More?"

The way his hips rocked into mine, the way the friction of his jeans felt against my bare skin made it indescribably hard to not flip him over and take what I wanted.

I shut my eyes to fight the sensuous haze that wrapped me like a cocoon. When he kissed me again, I felt his touch lower—two fingers hovering so deviously that I began rocking my hips forward, but his fingers danced away.

"There's something so alluring," he whispered. "About being so close to what you've wanted for so long." And then his two fingers redirected and fell on my inner thigh—the feeling of frustration shuddered through me.

"Jasper," I breathed. His weight on me did nothing to douse the flames. I wiggled to ease some tension, but felt nothing but open air.

"Are you losing control?" He teased, his lips on my jaw, my neck. He bit softly at my shoulder when I felt him press his fingers directly onto me. I swallowed a growl at the lightening that bolted through my veins. His fingers tested, moved, and slowly eased some frustration. But Jasper's pace was agonizingly steady, building up maddening desire.

I moaned. I didn't need this. I needed him.

"Jasper," I pleaded, and couldn't quite recognize the deep richness of my voice.

His lips rose from mine in a wolfish grin. "Maybe if you use full, coherent sentences, I could decipher what you want."

I grasped at his shoulders with my hands, but he raised up slightly until he was out of reach, then pinned my hands down above me with just his forearm. He was really, really enjoying this.

His two fingers then drew lower as his thumb came up to circle me. I shut my eyes as he slowly toyed, played, and watched me writhe beneath him.

"I can't deny my mate the release she's been craving," he murmured. "That wouldn't make me a very good mate, would it?"

"No, it wouldn't—" I groaned when I felt him push a finger inside—slow, teasing. His thumb tempted me to climb, climb, and climb. Up, up, and away. Another finger, and I stretched so deliciously, feeling his cool touch inside my burning body. I thought it would be soothing, relieving—but the temperature kept escalating.

Then, he shifted off of me, and I couldn't see him from the corner of my eyes. He was kneeling. The fingers inside of me pumped at a steady cadence. Those fingers reached, played, explored—and I sighed breathily, throwing my head back against the rock. The waterfall sprayed its mist all around us, but it did nothing to cool me down.

I saw him peek up, and his tone was anything was serious. "More venom? Anything you'd like for me to adjust?"

Bastard. He knew exactly what he was doing.

His fingers stopped momentarily, and then they began to prod inside me almost lazily. Exploring. Up, around, down. Searching. And then—

"Oh—" I bit my lip and clawed on the rock beneath me as his fingers found what he was looking for.

"There," he murmured. "Good?"

He knew it was. When I didn't respond, his fingers halted. Still in me, still present. I felt his lips on my inner thigh, and I trembled gently at the rush of wind in the air.

I gasped when I felt his lips directly on me. I felt his tongue. Tasting. Feeding. Wanting. His fingers didn't move, but his mouth continued. Hungry, so hungry. My thighs spasmed and wobbled around him as he built me up piece by piece.

The fingers that I wanted so desperately to move remained still—it was such wasted potential. I moved my hips to encourage him, but he only paused to look up at me—a mischievous glint in those darkened eyes.

"You should work for what you want," he simply said.

I whimpered when he still didn't move.

"Work for it, sweet Elise."

He dove back down as my hips moved against him. I rode his fingers as he devoured me, and perhaps that was what he wanted. I took, and took, and took—and all he did was give.

His venom—the fire, and the pleasure he instilled through his touch, his mouth—urged me to climb and jump off screaming.

And I did. He built me up slowly only to tear me down in a heartbeat. It was a mind shattering bliss that I rode out for endless time after. No thought possessed me. Nothing mattered but this moment of stillness in the universe.

And when the fire died down, and the coils in my body loosened, I opened my eyes to the stars.

Jasper placed a kiss on my inner thigh before withdrawing his fingers. I reached out for him, but only saw jeans dangling in my face.

"If only your shield had been down." Jasper grinned— _me_ glistening on his lips. "That would've been more fun."

My eyes wide, he dropped the jeans on me.

It was over? I didn't understand, because his own pants were obviously way too tight on him—and mating was a dance for two.

I pointedly looked at his jeans. "We can't just not take care of that."

"I can take care of that."

"But—"

Jasper leaned down to kiss me, and I tasted my wetness on him. "Wouldn't you really rather have a bed—clean sheets, soft pillows? I would."

No. He could thoroughly fuck me on this rock for the rest of forever and I wouldn't object one bit. But I kept that retort to myself, because what he did for me tonight was something that I was utterly grateful for.

I put on those damned jeans, ripping a belt loop in the process. I sighed. My thoughts flowed back, along with my reasoning. I focused on my grip—control—as I pulled up my zipper.

Smoothing out my shirt, I sat on the rock as Jasper stood, placing two hands on either side of me. I looked up at him. "Thank you." And I meant it. Deeply.

He smirked. "Are you still on fire?"

I smacked him lightly on his cheek, and he laughed. I played with the useless belt loop I ruined. "I really mean it. It was getting a little… frustrating."

"Trust me." He grinned, then shifted a little. "I know."

* * *

The night was at its darkest when we decided to start our journey back to Texas. The moment we left the vicinity of the waterfall, Jasper hid back into himself. I could tell, because his previously attentive eyes were distant. In thought. Elsewhere.

I replayed our moment at the waterfall to remind myself that it had happened. It had happened with this man beside me—this man who was now beginning to create this unspoken distance between us as his thoughts swarmed him.

We walked for miles like that. Side-by-side. Silent. It almost seemed like Jasper was trying to hide in the blackness of night, and that he believed the darkness veiled him. Perhaps he thought that I couldn't see as he withdrew from me.

"You can tell me what you're thinking, you know," I finally said when the quiet turned suffocating. "Maybe it would help."

"You would just be mad."

So it was about me? "Did I do something?"

He sighed, his gaze stuck firmly ahead. "You're going to leave in two weeks."

My sentence ended soon, and Jasper had promised that he would let me go. Given the state of the alliance, it would be stupid to stay. "I don't want to play this game with the delegates. I want none of it." I looked at him. "Come with me."

"I can't leave loose ends."

"Like?"

He jaw tightened. "I'm embedded into this organization. I can't leave whenever I please."

"For a man who wanted minimal strings attached, you seem pretty stuck."

"I would stay," he said. "I would stay until it went to hell, because I would survive it. But you… that's a risk I'm not willing to take."

"I can fight."

"Can you?"

His questioning hit a nerve. "I'd be better if I were able to train properly. But that doesn't make sense in your stupid equation."

His pace quickened. "If you leave, I can't hide your absence. You need to reconsider."

A part of me marveled at the choice I had on the matter. "Come with me," I insisted.

Jasper didn't respond, but I could feel his skin vibrate from just walking beside him. After minutes of silence, his voice was low, eerie. "You're pushing me into a corner."

My eyes narrowed. "So, extend my sentence. I'm surprised you haven't found an excuse to lock me up here for longer."

When he looked at me, his eyes swirled with rage. "Is that what you want me to do? Because I can. And if you leave, I can set loose all of my trackers to bring you back."

"So, this is a threat."

"No, it goddamn isn't." He cut in front of me, and his face was so close to mine that all I could see was his eyes. "If there's one thing you want, it's your freedom—and it's something you haven't had ever since that bastard took you from your family and dug his needles into you. I'm not going to force you to stay because it would make me no different than _him_."

"You aren't Damon."

His hands were on my face, brushing lightly on my cheeks. "But you can stay by your own free will, and you can give me time to sort this out."

I shook my head. "But it's never going to be sorted out. There's always going to be some threat out there that you're going to want to mitigate."

His eyes danced between mine, and words failed to form on his lips no matter how many times I saw him open and close his mouth. His hands fell to his sides. Defeat. "You've backed me into a corner, and you've chained me to the wall." He turned away and started to walk. "This is what the bond is."

No. No, it wasn't. I caught up to him. "Do not blame this on our relationship."

"What relationship?"

My feet scurried to a stop as I watched him walk away. My skin still tingled from when he touched me earlier, from the pleasure his fingers, his lips, his tongue engulfed me in. His broad shoulders were tense as I stared at his retreating form, slowly disappearing into the darkened trees ahead.

My freedom was mine. But what were the consequences?

* * *

**A/N: The tension never really eases, does it?**


	22. Tick, Tock

Previously:

_No. No, it wasn't. I caught up to him. "Do not blame this on our relationship."_

_"What relationship?"_

_My feet scurried to a stop as I watched him walk away. My skin still tingled from when he touched me earlier, from the pleasure his fingers, his lips, his tongue engulfed me in. His broad shoulders were tense as I stared at his retreating form, slowly disappearing into the darkened trees ahead._

_My freedom was mine. But what were the consequences?_

* * *

**Jasper**

Two weeks. No. Thirteen days. And then a few hours, minutes, and seconds. What even constituted the exact hour of release? Did prisons care about the precision? Was the exact hour, minute, and second marked the moment the cells closed before you?

Time hadn't mattered ever since my eyes opened red. But now, each tick of the clock meant a countdown to some moment of truth that I wasn't ready for.

The easy emotion was resent. It always was. You resented your parents for their shitty parenting. Women resented their ex-husbands for stealing away their good years. You resented yourself for each mistake that you unknowingly welcomed into your life. I chose to resent a bond most would praise endlessly. The feeling of scarcity was the worst of it, and it had been a constant feeling ever since Elise wedged herself into my life. But with resent came the bitterness—that dark cloud that beckoned to be let out. And once it was out, it was noxious.

I stared at the piece of paper before me. A detailed report of each known member of the Volturi Guard. Observations of their strengths, weaknesses, and overall personality. There was an interesting column that indicated their suspected level of loyalty to the kings, which was a unique metric to quantify.

Peter stood at the other side of the table, right at the edge of the center circle. Training was ongoing and on schedule. Recruits were now broken up into several smaller clusters to accommodate our growing numbers. We had two newly appointed trainers, but Elise remained under Kate.

I did my best to ignore her presence, since Elise had decided I wasn't of importance to her today. Granted, my words had been heavy the last time we talked. And hers were plain stubborn and unreasonable. Needless to say, we hadn't spoken since.

I focused on the report before me as Peter pointed out several Volturi Guard who were put under suspicion by our spies. Any signs of distrust within a network were a plague to its foundation—and certain members of the guard had made it clear that information was hidden from them.

Of course the venomous experiments needed to be hidden. Aro's decision to let Damon take on the role of his experimenter was hypocritical. After condemning and raiding the Jovu for their behavior, the Volturi had taken interest in the science to perhaps utilize it as a weapon. And that would be damning to their reputation. But Damon… he had spoken so freely about his involvement with the Volturi. Was it also not his secret to keep?

"…and if they crumble from the inside, they'll just be this facade that we can knock over. Use their instability," Peter was saying.

The more Damon swarmed my mind, the more my thoughts flashed to Elise. I looked over, and she was sitting next to Claudia, watching actively as Kate explained a defense technique.

I lowered my eyes back to the paper as Peter rambled on. "...I do wonder, though. What is keeping Aro so quiet?"

There was silence for a brief moment before I realized my buddy had asked a question. I looked up. "Hm?"

"Aro," he repeated.

What about him? "What time is it, Peter?"

He looked at me like I had asked the most ridiculous question in the world. His hand dug into his pocket, then he peeked at his phone. "2:42."

Annoying. Time moved, and it was the only thing I couldn't stop. Powerless.

I frowned at the paper before me. It was filled with useless information that I already knew. Yes, the Volturi were hiding something. Yes, it meant the end of the alliance. No, I didn't need to be reminded.

"Why?" Peter asked.

"Why what?"

"The time. Are you late for something?"

I pulled out my phone and threw it on the table. The screen came alive briefly. _2:44 PM._

I stared at it with absolute insanity, willing for the numbers fo freeze and stay put.

_2:45 PM._

I growled, then pushed the paper forward. "I think it's interesting, and I think we should have this investigated."

"This?"

"Yes. You just said it. Aro's silence. What are they hiding from their guard?" Hypocrisy. They were hiding their inevitable hypocrisy.

"Do you think we should send more higher ups to Italy? Throw more sharks in their waters?"

"Sure." I nodded absently. "Send them all."

And then I turned on my heel and approached the circle. Kate had pulled Elise over to the side for their little sparring session as the rest of the trainees fought their real fight.

Elise's back was to me, still in a crouch. Kate eased from hers when she saw me step forward.

"Major Whitlock."

I could see the muscles tense on Elise's back as she stood and stepped to the side. There wasn't anything nicer than a glare on her face.

"Do you expect to kill your opponent with a brush of a finger?" I questioned her trainer. "If so, that is talent that you're hiding from us."

"I don't follow," Kate responded.

Skin was tearing behind me, and I saw Elise wince at the sound. I turned to Kate. "You go painfully easy on her."

She narrowed her eyes at me. "I won't risk death by the hands of you. Your mate is precious to you."

I glanced at Elise. "She is. She is even more precious if she is alive. I intend to keep her that way. And I believe it is your job to teach her the basic skills she needs to stay in this world."

Kate scoffed. "This is a trap. Train her yourself."

"I will give you my word," I persisted earnestly. "No harm to you or your little circle of trainees. Tear her skin, rip her to shreds. I just hope she doesn't let you."

"Does your word hold any meaning?" It wasn't Kate that questioned me. It was my own mate. And it was the wrong question to ask because it was filled with doubt. Distrust. Suspicion.

I addressed Elise directly. "Why wouldn't it?"

"Sometimes, you will say things you don't actually mean."

I read Kate's expression cleanly—the trouble enticed her. An argument between two mates—not unheard of, but rare. Compromise was always key in these arrangements, and the lack of it was probably jarring. Dangerous. The outward appearance of our relationship, whether true or not, needed to be pristine.

Elise didn't move when I stepped up to her. She didn't push my hand away when it came up to cradle her face. She didn't try to escape the kiss I placed on her forehead. But her eyes told me to immediately fuck off—and it brought a smile to my lips. "Kate has a weak left punch. She will almost always target your left, since she favors her right. Good luck."

Kate straightened at my words. I fixed her with a stare before heading back to Peter.

He watched me. "What was that?"

"Well, Peter." I gathered our paperwork and handed it to him. "It's this thing called the mating bond. I'm sure you've heard of it."

* * *

Twelve days.

I threw a pebble at a tree, and it implanted itself deep within the trunk. With the night, the area cooled to a desirable temperature. I waited—impatiently—for the prisoner.

Elise looked tired when she came into view—which was something unusual. When she met my eyes, she said nothing.

"Tough day?" I asked.

She shrugged, and we once again began our trek to the city. Her lack of conversation could probably be attributed to her hunger—we still needed fuel to exert energy. And fighting took a lot of energy. With a depleted system, even vampires showed the signs of malnutrition.

We were silent all the way to the city, where she relieved her hunger. But we were halfway back to base when I felt I had enough of her silent treatment. She had a full belly and had absolutely no reason to ignore me.

"Will you tell me about your training? Was Kate your partner?"

Elise was quiet for a while, then she frowned. "Was this your way of… apologizing?"

"For?"

"Don't act unknowing. You dismiss us all the time. And then today—everything's just fine? Have you ever seen a therapist?"

The hole she had pushed me in wasn't enough for her. Clearly. When I remained silent, she continued. "Letting me train is just a way for you to—what—make amends?"

"No," I answered mildly. "It's for you to learn. The only skin you've torn through is mine, and that left you with a little bit of trauma because of the bond. You need experience, since you're so hell bent on leaving." _In twelve days, some hours, some minutes, some seconds…_

She didn't say anything to that.

"Where will you go?"

And that question seemed to take her for surprise, which was never a good thing. I had at least hoped she had thought about the beyond before making this decision.

"Everywhere," she finally said. "I haven't left this country before. I can go anywhere."

"No," I said. "No, you can't. Maybe a few decades ago, you could. But nations are becoming more advanced technologically. You will need paperwork, documentation—an identity. Depending on where you go, a visa. Currency. If you alert any law enforcement or raise suspicion on your fluid movements, or your sudden inflow of cash—there will be consequences. Tell me you've thought about this."

She hadn't.

"Taxes. A history. A credit score. You need to write up a character and play it well. If you stay in an area for too long, and the young start dying of old age, you will draw attention. If you end up killing too many at a time in a region, you will draw attention. If you are not careful, a beautiful young woman such as yourself _will draw attention._ Attention is the last thing you want."

"Jasper, I—"

"Otherwise, you need basic identification for the most trivial things. To obtain an ID, you'll need various documentation that I'm sure you have no access to. I'm curious to find out what your plan is to avoid frightening the human population half to death with those gorgeous ruby eyes."

She sighed. "I never said it would be easy."

"Nothing is easy. But it's bearable if you have a plan."

"Maybe I should talk to the Cullens. They seemed to have it figured out," she paused momentarily, and then her eyes flashed to me. "What do they know about the Volturi?"

"They have suspicions, but no confirmation."

Elise seemed to attempt to internalize my words. "And you have no plans to tell them. You don't believe it's your responsibility to let them know that it'll go to shit."

I sighed heavily. "It's only one of the possibilities that the alliance may not survive. If the experimentation is not successful, the Volturi will be as we anticipated."

"That's a big if."

"The experiments do take two years," I continued. "Unless the Jovu can expedite it—which, I have more faith in their experience than ours. But if the Volturi can't produce gifted for another two years, our plans are still alive."

She shook her head firmly. "Too many unknowns. Too much risk. You'd never go for it."

"No." I found myself smiling at her perception. "I would not."

"Then leave with me."

My smile faltered quickly. "Doubt is not what the alliance needs. If a delegate member abandons ship, word will get around. Stories, gossip—"

"That's my point," she said. "You don't care about this organization—let it rot. You told me yourself that if you thought the Volturi had the advantage, you would leave."

"I don't know if they have the advantage. I just know that they _might_ —and that's the problem. It's all based on the timing of their results." I ran a hand through my hair. "But the alliance cannot do this without you—results or not. The Volturi's offense would destroy them without a shield protecting them. So if I leave and take you with me, we will be hunted."

After listening intently, she looked at me—her eyes filled with wondrous curiosity. "Okay. So what is your plan?"

My fists clenched. The night grew darker, and the seconds ticked on—turning into minutes, then soon to be hours, and days. Until she was gone. "I don't have one."

I hated the quiet night as it seeped in between us. My words hung in the air like unrelenting fog. The weight of them threatened to consume me—for once, I didn't have a compass. I had no way of analyzing the possibilities of Elise's decision. There were too many.

"This isn't enough for me," she spoke quietly. "I feel…I feel claustrophobic in open air."

I looked at her then. The slight purple under eyes from her overexertion today was fading now that she fed. But the tiredness in her eyes remained. Depleted. Drained.

"I don't want this," she said. "This is not the way my life should be."

"What do you want your life to be, Elise?" My question wasn't challenging in the slightest.

She thought for a little bit. "I want to deal with the consequences of my own decisions—not consequences of someone else's. There will always be risks out there, but I won't ever learn how to deal with them if I don't face them." She looked at me. "Leaving is hard. It's harder because of you, and I know that you understand that. I acknowledge that I will put you under some pressure due to your bullshit responsibilities to these people. I also don't know how bad the ache in my chest will be with me far, far away."

I stared at the dark horizon, but remained silent. She knew of my obligations, but she chose to ignore them. She chose to let me deal with the mess that she would leave behind. But she was was right in the fact that there was nothing here for her. And me? I glanced at her quickly. I wasn't worth staying for.

"When you said you feel claustrophobic in open air," I began. "I know exactly what that feels like. I felt the same way a time long ago. When I was forced to serve under Maria." Elise's shoulder brushed mine as we kept a steady pace. "And it festered. And festered. And grew until I could risk killing her to gain back some sort of sanity."

"But you haven't killed her."

"No. I'm not sure if killing her would solve anything."

She considered that. "Do you feel some sort of responsibility towards her? She was the one who turned you."

Flashes of the previous camps came in horrid snapshots. The daily killings. The collective fear of the newborns. The wicked gleam in Maria's cold, dead eyes. "This is why I feel that the vampire community needs some scientific research. Psychologically, I have no idea how your maker transforms you. How susceptible your brain is to be molded into whatever they please after they kill you." I peeked at her. "I don't know how much of me is me. And how much of me is her."

Her eyebrows drew together. "Did you have feelings for her?"

"Of course," I responded easily. "She was all I had. She was my one source of information and guidance until I broke free."

"And how did you feel then?"

I smiled, solemn. "Like how you're about to feel in twelve days."

My phone buzzed. Once. Twice. I glanced at it quickly.

Two texts from Liam.

_He's here often. A place a bit North from their previous site._

_Humans here. Not a lot of them._

I wasn't sure if I was relieved or disgusted at the developments. I had sent Liam out to the New York area to see if he could pick up Damon's scent anywhere near the vicinity of the lab. If we were going to make any progress on finding Elise's mother, we had to start somewhere.

"What was the first thing you did when you left her?"

I put away my phone. "By turning some newborns against her, I was able to manipulate them into disbanding. They didn't want to see their friends die, either—and pointing out flaws in Maria's plans to take territory was more than enough for a large group of them to pick a date and time and flee. And they could do so because they knew I wouldn't stop them. And the first thing I did was run all the way to Canada. I needed to get as far away from her as possible."

And given all that Elise had been through, I knew she felt that same way about me. She couldn't wait to get the hell out of here. Away from me.

We were now close to camp, and the fence was coming up. Elise stopped at the sight of it, and I stood beside her. She glanced up at me, then at my neck, and then shoulders. "She makes you really tense—have you noticed that? Just talking about her."

"If you're not on your toes around Maria, she's bound to find a weakness to exploit. That was the sentiment I carried for a long time, and it remains." I looked away. "I'm terrified to death that she'll find a way to use you against me."

"How would she do that?"

"Maria can be very creative. And persuasive," I said bitterly. "I don't want you around her—I really don't. And I know— _I know_ I brought you here. But it was better than letting you run around on your own given your inexperience." I took her hands. "And I'm sorry. For dismissing you. Us."

She looked at our hands in consideration. Then, she kissed me. Gently. "I appreciate that you talked to Kate. Today was harder. I had a few partners. They…held back, but not much."

I ran my fingers down her arm. "You're in one piece. No cracks."

"I was careful."

"Good," I murmured, then kissed her again. "Be as careful as you can be. Tear them apart. Get used to that feeling of adrenaline."

"What changed your mind about training?"

"I'd rather have you hurt here with me around to pick up the pieces, than you getting yourself killed a million miles away."

She smiled wordlessly, and made a move to jump the fence, but I stopped her. "Wait."

I peeled off my gray shirt and handed it to her. "Wear this."

She eyed it carefully. "Why?"

"It's better for them to think that we're fucking like rabbits."

Her eyes lingered on me—on my chest. Probably on various scar indentations. She didn't protest as she shrugged on the shirt, but words were lost on her lips. I realized that she had fixated on my left shoulder, and I immediately wanted to shrink back. When she touched me, it felt debilitating. But I knew I had to let her. Her fingers stayed on the scars.

"These ones are very precise," she said, wondrous, "Three bites, one after each other. Like a chain. Why so precise?"

"Because they were deliberate," I explained, fighting the urge to shrug her off. "My left side is weak, like Kate's. Maria never wanted me to forget my weak side."

* * *

**A/N: The past is what defines us. But perhaps we shouldn't let it shape our future.**

**Enjoy your Sunday.**


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